• All threads and posts regarding Coronavirus COVID-19 can now be found in our new area specifically for Coronavirus COVID-19 discussion.

    You can directly access this area >here<.

Brother financially abusing Mom

Thackerj

Registered User
Mar 3, 2017
4
I need some help please. My brother is financially abusing my mother dagnosed with alzheimers, he has moved in with her and lets her pay for everything he's 44! Her monthly expenditure has gone up by £500-600 a month since he moved back in with her. She's exempt from council tax but hes not paying it and i've just received second final threat for Mom in 12 months as she owns the house. She will end up apyng it as she's mortified that bills are not being paid.
I need to know; does he have rights as he's living there? he contributes zero to household. How can I make him pay towards the house? How can I stop him defaulting on the council tax? has anyone else been through this? I don't know what to do.......please help x
 

Rosettastone57

Registered User
Oct 27, 2016
1,212
I need some help please. My brother is financially abusing my mother dagnosed with alzheimers, he has moved in with her and lets her pay for everything he's 44! Her monthly expenditure has gone up by £500-600 a month since he moved back in with her. She's exempt from council tax but hes not paying it and i've just received second final threat for Mom in 12 months as she owns the house. She will end up apyng it as she's mortified that bills are not being paid.
I need to know; does he have rights as he's living there? he contributes zero to household. How can I make him pay towards the house? How can I stop him defaulting on the council tax? has anyone else been through this? I don't know what to do.......please help x
I need some help please. My brother is financially abusing my mother dagnosed with alzheimers, he has moved in with her and lets her pay for everything he's 44! Her monthly expenditure has gone up by £500-600 a month since he moved back in with her. She's exempt from council tax but hes not paying it and i've just received second final threat for Mom in 12 months as she owns the house. She will end up apyng it as she's mortified that bills are not being paid.
I need to know; does he have rights as he's living there? he contributes zero to household. How can I make him pay towards the house? How can I stop him defaulting on the council tax? has anyone else been through this? I don't know what to do.......please help x
Welcome...does anyone have power of attorney for finances?
 

Bunpoots

Volunteer Host
Apr 1, 2016
4,342
Nottinghamshire
Welcome to Dementia Talking Point @Thackerj

This is difficult! If I were in your position I think I would ring the council and explain the situation to them. Hopefully they will be sympathetic. Your mum should not be paying your brothers council tax. Maybe they could bill him directly then if he decides not to pay he will have to face the consequences. Having said that your mum doesn’t need the stress of a court case hanging over her so base your decision on what they tell you.

Can I ask why he’s moved in with your mum? I think there’s a big difference between moving in to provide care for your mum, if this is what he’s done, and being a freeloader. If he’s providing care then the increase in expenditure could be justified.

An increase of £500-£600 per month sounds a lot, and more than 1 persons food bill should be (at least in our household) and, unfortunately, you as attorney are responsible for overseeing your mum’s finances. But you could take control of your mum’s money if she has lost capacity so your brother can’t use it.
 
Last edited:

Beate

Registered User
May 21, 2014
11,949
London
I was going to ask the same. Live in care would cost a lot more than £600 a month, so why has he moved in and what is he doing?

As for the council tax bill, if she has been officially exempt, it shouldn't have her name on it anymore. Does the council have his name? If not, provide them with it.
 

Thackerj

Registered User
Mar 3, 2017
4
Welcome to Dementia Talking Point @Thackerj

This is difficult! If I were in your position I think I would ring the council and explain the situation to them. Hopefully they will be sympathetic. Your mum should not be paying your brothers council tax. Maybe they could bill him directly then if he decides not to pay he will have to face the consequences. Having said that your mum doesn’t need the stress of a court case hanging over her so base your decision on what they tell you.

Can I ask why he’s moved in with your mum? I think there’s a big difference between moving in to provide care for your mum, if this is what he’s done, and being a freeloader. If he’s providing care then the increase in expenditure could be justified.

An increase of £500-£600 per month sounds a lot, and more than 1 persons food bill should be (at least in out household) and, unfortunately, you as attorney are responsible for overseeing your mum’s finances. But you could take control of your mum’s money if she has lost capacity so your brother can’t use it.
He's freeloading under the guise of being there as carer. He wouldn't be there unless his girlfreind had thrown him out 12 months ago. I've spokne to council office and they say that because she owns the house its her problem irrespective of dementia! They were huigely unhelpful. he's 6 foot 5 and built like a house and eats and rinks for England, hence the expenditure!!!
 

Thackerj

Registered User
Mar 3, 2017
4
I was going to ask the same. Live in care would cost a lot more than £600 a month, so why has he moved in and what is he doing?

As for the council tax bill, if she has been officially exempt, it shouldn't have her name on it anymore. Does the council have his name? If not, provide them with it.
Thanks for your reply too. He's freeloading under the guise of being there as carer. He wouldn't be there unless his girlfreind had thrown him out 12 months ago. I've spokne to council office and they say that because she owns the house its her problem irrespective of dementia! They were huigely unhelpful. he's 6 foot 5 and built like a house and eats and rinks for England, hence the expenditure!!!
 

Sirena

Registered User
Feb 27, 2018
2,200
What a difficult situation. A few questions.

Does your brother have his own money (a job, or benefits) or is he entirely dependant on your mother? Does he actually do any care? Does your mother like having him there?

I am guessing he has no access to her finances, but she/you are paying bills which include the expenditure he's incurred? Does your mother still have access to her bank account?
 

Avis

Registered User
Nov 2, 2019
106
Speak to a social worker and explain your dilemma. They may be able to go around and speak to him about the situation and ask him if he can justify the rise in expenses. Alternatively, as others have suggested, take control of your mother's finances and give her a monthly allowance based on her previous expenditure and with a slight increase to provide for your brother's food.
 

Turkish Delight

Registered User
Oct 28, 2019
10
Hi Thackerj,
I too have a brother who is freeloading off Mum. He moved in 10yrs ago when she helped him with his alcoholism, then merged with him to drink together, and now the consequences speak for themselves. I found him helping himself to £5k/month earlier this year and stopped her bank card. Foolishly, during a warm fuzzy moment at a period of abstinence 2 yrs ago, I organised joint POA for finances. Not joint and several.
Mum is now unable to look after herself. I have seen my brother as part of the problem as well as part of the solution, but I forget that I think down the lines of honesty (too honest), and he does not.
Mum has lost her handbag again, seemingly more permanently, so the bank cards which I had stopped have gone throught the motion of being stopped and reissued. Is he using this as a way of getting at money ? I gave him an allowance of £800/month to cover groceries and cigarettes for her. I hear that he is again talking about getting the house put into his name, something which I see is incredibley easy to do.
I think the human condition, when homeless and has found an easy source of money, will do anything for survival. Where your brother is concerned, assume the worst and do your best to safeguard your Mum.