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Both parents with Alzheimers and both declining


Registered User
Feb 28, 2015
I have only been posting for a few months in that time both of my parents have declined significantly. My husband and I have left our home 160 miles away to look after them.
Carers etc weren't well tolerated in the beginning so it was so difficult to cope with them from a distance. Although they both have Alzheimers Dad also has vascular dementia. We tried hard to cope with them at home but 5 weeks ago Dad went into respite in a Care Home with a Dementia Unit. They have been together for 68 years then suddenly they couldn't cope with one another. Mum shouted at a Dad and upset him, she got fed up with his confusion. Dad sometimes had no idea who she was . The sundowning effect was very florid and from early evening through to the early hours he was agitated, he could be a little aggressive and wouldn't tolerate my husband.He was constantly waking her up and sometimes all hell broke loose. Although it was heartbreaking to have to split them up, they both seemed to not miss one another,both in their own worlds. What I didn't appreciate was that although a lot of Care Home have a Dementia Unit, they don't necessarily cope with difficult if not challenging behaviour. This is our experience and my poor Dad has to be moved now into what I call an EMI Unit after a his behaviour suddenly deteriorated. Tonight my husband called into the Unit and Dad was crawling along the corridor on his hands and knees. The Carers cope really well with him but he seems now at a much more advanced stage of illness than all the others. My mother also is declining physically and her weight is just falling away. She feels sick most of the time and she just doesn't want to eat, she is 94 and she has told me that she is dying, and surely she is. I can nurse her and just hope that I have the fortitude to keep her at home.
I have posted this tonight because I just feel that I am loosing my parents, bit by bit, to this most awful disease....I know that I have done the best I can.


Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
South coast
((((hugs)))) blondbomber.
You have indeed done the beat that you can. Your dad is in an EMI unit that is suitable for his needs and you will be able to look after your mum

The sudden deterioration in both of them must have come as a shock. Be proud of what you have achieved.

Patricia Alice

Registered User
Mar 2, 2015
Blondebomber, I feel so sorry for you.

My mum and aunty had to be separated last week after being in each others lives for 85 years. My mum's dementia has deteriorated but my aunty's has not really changed.

We were asked to find another home for mum and it had to be nursing dementia. This first week has been awful, but today a tad better and I can only hope this continues.

I have had to go back onto sleeping tablets as I lie awake for hours thinking about mum's deterioration.

My heart goes out to you.


Registered User
Mar 4, 2013
Auckland...... New Zealand
How hard for you blondebomber :(
My Mum has moderate Alzheimers but has declined in recent weeks.
She is no longer safe at home on her own and an accident waiting to happen, although she is rarely alone as such, as we live in front of Mum and Dad, but Dad has cognitive impairment and cannot always fathom Mums inabilities and is getting to the stage where she isn't safe with Dad either.

Such an awful disease. My thoughts are with you.


Registered User
Jan 14, 2015
I am in a similar situation - Dad has Alzheimer's and Mum has vascular dementia. I feel like an orphan sometimes, even though they are both alive. Mine are both in the same nursing home, but have separate rooms. They have settled well and I try to remind myself that I did the right thing but it's not easy. Take care xx