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both parents have vascular dementia

Discussion in 'Recently diagnosed and early stages of dementia' started by keast, Jan 10, 2016.

  1. keast

    keast Registered User

    Jan 10, 2016
    2
    How do people cope with this type of thing. I'm finding it very difficult to deal with as both parents have vascular dementia and are very difficult to deal with. Mum has always been independent and won't allow me to even change the bed. I worry she's not washing and doesn't seem to change her clothes. Dad has carers coming in 3 times a day but mum doesn't have any carers and has only had a diagnosis in recent months. I can't write here all the problems I seem to be experiencing with them as there are so many. I'm the eldest of five but have little support from my brothers and sisters and seem to have to deal with things by myself. It's making me ill because I worry about them all the time and I have problems sleeping. I'm retired now but have been dealing with matters since about 2009 and while I was working had to take time off work. Then it was just dad but now it's mum and dad which is what I was worried would happen. I'm very lucky to have a very supportive husband.
     
  2. fizzie

    fizzie Registered User

    Jul 20, 2011
    2,731
    I think you need to have a carers assessment if you haven't already - phone social services adult care duty desk and tell them what you have just said and that you need a carers assessment. It will give you a few hours break and a day centre for one or both of them is well worth considering to take pressure off - sell it to them as a lunch club

    Do they both have Attendance Allowance ? If not then I would give Age UK a ring on 0800 169 2081 they will send someone round to help you with all the forms give you info on local stuff

    Same with Alz Dementia Helpline - they will give you local info

    I would also join a carers organisation and go along to a carers cafe - loads of local info to help you and a lot of face to face support - mine was a lifeline - just google carers cafe and your area.

    Sorry if you've already done these but they just help take the pressure off

    Good luck, you sound shattered, not surprising, lots of support on here x
    xx
     
  3. keast

    keast Registered User

    Jan 10, 2016
    2
    thanks fizzie

    Thanks fizzie, I'll try the carers cafe if there is one locally. Mum wouldn't accept carers for herself at the moment but both mum and dad have attendance allowance and dad's care is paid for with this. I know it's only going to get worse because it was too late to get Power of Attorney for them as their understanding wasn't good enough for this to go ahead. Hopefully their health and wellbeing will be easier to deal with as the doctors and hospital have been okay to deal with and accept our opinions with regard to this. Finance may be more difficult to deal with as the bank hasn't been very helpful but I'm sure we'll manage that. I asked the bank whether they spoke to their elderly customers about Power of Attorney or had leaflets to explain this and they said no, although many people had asked in the past. Thanks again, I feel better just explaining a few things.
     
  4. fizzie

    fizzie Registered User

    Jul 20, 2011
    2,731
    i think some people have gone the route of Court of Protection to deal with finances - have a look at the threads and see if that is helpful. You could run their accounts online and that would help manage them.

    As your Ma was only diagnosed recently does she not have capacity enough for a PoA - or was it just that you couldn't get her to the memory clinic before?

    Now that you have diagnosis your local alzheimer's society would be very helpful in terms of what they have going on - I'm not sure if you can get them out but things like Singing for the Brain often go down a treat and the spin off is that you meet others. Just talking to others takes the pressure off.

    Have you seen the leaflet on compassionate communication, it is really helpful
    Do have a look at it
    http://www.ocagingservicescollaborat...y-Impaired.pdf

    Such a shame because if you could get them to go to a lunch club it would really take the pressure off you - usually transport is provided.
    Take care and keep posting and I do hope you can get some of the others involved - they are really being naughty just opting out - you need to have a break from thinking about it x
     
  5. sparky023

    sparky023 Registered User

    May 16, 2010
    67
    Hull, East Yorkshire
    Just wanted to say hi, and you have my full sympathy. My Mum was diagnosed with Frontal Lobe Dementia (aka Picks Disease) 5 years ago and has lived in residential care ever since. We went through hell and back as a family, and lost many many of our extended family members, who just couldn't deal with it, and seeing Mum as she now is. So that left me, my younger sister and our Dad, who bless his heart, absolutely fell apart and endured a real grieving process.
    Fast forward to now, and it seems likely today, that our darling Dad will be diagnosed with Vascular Dementia. He's currently in hospital, and we are looking at options of discharge and it's looking likely now, that until a care package can be put in place, he will move into the care home my Mum lives in. The home, he has visited every single day for 5 years will become his temporary home for the time being. It is tearing me apart.

    Sending you much love. I don't get why life can be so very unfair to some of us xx

     

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