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Both parents have Dementia and Alzheimers


Registered User
Aug 31, 2013
Letchworth Garden City
Dear all, I am new to all this. My parents were both diagnosed this year. My Dad with Vascular Dementia and my Mum has Mixed (Vascular and Alzheimers). They both seem to plateau for a while and then drop which I understand is normal however, mum seems to remember things on her medication but her confusion is getting much worse. She is hallucinating. She often recognises dad as being someone else and also thinks there is an another old lady living in the house which I think is also dad. They have carers coming in 4 times a day and I don't know if it is the coming and going that is confusing her. My main issue is how do I deal with it. Do I tell her there is no one there or do I play along. I've already evicted one "old girl" from the house and told mum my brother has taken her to the airport but she appears to have come back :eek:. This is very real for mum and she gets upset that nobody believes her. Any advice would be really useful.

Thank you.

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
Play along with it sammal for it is so real to your mother there is no point denying it.

I asked my husband if he was frightened of these people and he wasn`t , so it was all right.

This is very real for mum and she gets upset that nobody believes her.

You have your answer. Believe her. I know it isn`t easy but it causes the least distress.


Registered User
Jul 29, 2010
Yorkshire, England
Oh how terrible that both your parents are suffering with this terrible disease.

I had a similar problem with mum thinking there was another old lady in the room. It turned out it was when she looked at a mirror that she saw this person who she did not recognise as herself and believed it was someone else.

I had to remove mirrors and cover any up that were not movable. It did stop the belief that there was another lady there.

Hope this may help you with your mum, it is worth a try. Take care.



Registered User
Jan 3, 2013
my dad believed people were in the house and stealing things or just hanging about. We did what you have done which is to believe him, since that's what he saw. (Also we never questioned what he saw or believed when he was well so why blow his mind by questioning him when he got ill.) We'd ask that person to leave or ask my dad to come with us so that we could let the other person out. Sometimes he thought he was at the station and had a missed a train and we'd take a walk up the platform. Every time we denied his reality he got very upset and so we always went with him. Sometimes it was hard to find the right thing to say and often the way to comfort him was to distract him by asking him to look at something. Occasionally it can be a medication problem. Mention this to your doc in case it is. Good luck and all the best.


Registered User
Jan 14, 2010
East Kent
Welcome to TP
Am sorry to hear that both your parents have this vile illness, I can imagine how you cope.

I found with my mum, that it was best for her if we lived in her reality, rather than trying to force ours on her.

So we chased the strangers noisily down the stairs, loudly saying things like, gerron get out and dont come back, then we would reassure mum that the house was all locked up so they couldnt come back.

Sadly they always did come back and I realise now that those strangers were likely dad and me, she could hear us moving around in other rooms, due to problems with her sight she often saw things too

so in her reality their were people in the house who shouldn't be

things mum heard on the TV or radio became real to her, so we had to be careful with them, no news or action films etc

So keep evicting the the old girl.

I am wondering if this thread old thread on compassionate communication will help,
I must say its not an easy act to follow and does not always work.

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