I’m new here, and would really appreciate some advice.
Both Mun and Dad have had Alzheimer’s now for 3 years or so. They are at slightly different stages and living in an apartment at present. My sister and I are their main carers, but we do have carers going in once a day to administer their medication, food and a drink.
We have loads, I mean loads of situations to deal with - and thank God we have each other - a little text or phone call to my sister to let off steam really helps. But, we find ourselves in a right predicament atm and would appreciate some advice on how best to deal with it.
Mum has been hiding things over the last year, particularly jewellery and pens, of all things. You can quite often find them in the most unusual of places. Because she can’t remember where she put them, she started to think people have been going into the apartment and stealing them. Consequently, she now asks our Dad to put things somewhere safe, and we have another set of hiding places to search. Quite often, we literally can’t find items they are looking for, and then they suddenly turn up a week later! She will quite often call asking have we been in the apartment and taken something. Usually, oh I know where that it is, I’ll find it for you tomorrow ans lots of reassurance that no one has keys for the apartment and couldn’t possibly have taken anything does the trick.
Recently, Mum has become fixated on the idea that her granddaughter has one of her jewellery boxes at her house with mums jewellery in it. She can literally envisage herself at my niece’s house and seeing it in her bedroom. Even though she hasn’t been there yet (moved into a new house with her partner12 months ago) She believes and can describe the event so well , Dad also now believes it. My sister and I have tried to explain that she couldn’t possibly have taken it and how could they think such a thing of their granddaughter, (probs making things worse- as we are basically saying we don’t believe them) However, my niece is only 23 years old, and Mum has now rang her up at work twice, saying how upset she is and asking when is she going to bring her jewellery back. When my niece explains she hasn’t got it, mum then threatens her with the police. Dad is in the background cursing (very badly) mum for calling and giving my niece the heads up about a visit front the police saying she’ll just hide them somewhere else now. We have tried to tell my niece not to take it to heart and that this isn’t really her grandparents talking, but it must be so upsetting for her and is so difficult to watch as a parent.
We are having the same convo most days now, it’s getting very personal and upsetting the whole family. I’ve read on here that this behaviour often happens, but how is it best to handle the conversation when it comes up? We have now put all her jewellery together in one place and have started a journal and written in there where it is, I really dont feel comfortable saying, oh yes, she’ll bring it back tomorrow, that feels like I am lying and saying yes, I know my niece stole it but we’ll get it back. Change the subject?- but then later that day, mum calls my niece to demand where is it? I really don’t know what to do for the best.
And this is only one of the many challenges we are having - not bathing regularly, not wanting to change their clothes, not throwing out of date food away, not making drinks/snacks for themselves anymore, not really wanting to go out, dads driving license is up for renewal etc etc But the most overwhelming at the moment.
What would you do?
Both Mun and Dad have had Alzheimer’s now for 3 years or so. They are at slightly different stages and living in an apartment at present. My sister and I are their main carers, but we do have carers going in once a day to administer their medication, food and a drink.
We have loads, I mean loads of situations to deal with - and thank God we have each other - a little text or phone call to my sister to let off steam really helps. But, we find ourselves in a right predicament atm and would appreciate some advice on how best to deal with it.
Mum has been hiding things over the last year, particularly jewellery and pens, of all things. You can quite often find them in the most unusual of places. Because she can’t remember where she put them, she started to think people have been going into the apartment and stealing them. Consequently, she now asks our Dad to put things somewhere safe, and we have another set of hiding places to search. Quite often, we literally can’t find items they are looking for, and then they suddenly turn up a week later! She will quite often call asking have we been in the apartment and taken something. Usually, oh I know where that it is, I’ll find it for you tomorrow ans lots of reassurance that no one has keys for the apartment and couldn’t possibly have taken anything does the trick.
Recently, Mum has become fixated on the idea that her granddaughter has one of her jewellery boxes at her house with mums jewellery in it. She can literally envisage herself at my niece’s house and seeing it in her bedroom. Even though she hasn’t been there yet (moved into a new house with her partner12 months ago) She believes and can describe the event so well , Dad also now believes it. My sister and I have tried to explain that she couldn’t possibly have taken it and how could they think such a thing of their granddaughter, (probs making things worse- as we are basically saying we don’t believe them) However, my niece is only 23 years old, and Mum has now rang her up at work twice, saying how upset she is and asking when is she going to bring her jewellery back. When my niece explains she hasn’t got it, mum then threatens her with the police. Dad is in the background cursing (very badly) mum for calling and giving my niece the heads up about a visit front the police saying she’ll just hide them somewhere else now. We have tried to tell my niece not to take it to heart and that this isn’t really her grandparents talking, but it must be so upsetting for her and is so difficult to watch as a parent.
We are having the same convo most days now, it’s getting very personal and upsetting the whole family. I’ve read on here that this behaviour often happens, but how is it best to handle the conversation when it comes up? We have now put all her jewellery together in one place and have started a journal and written in there where it is, I really dont feel comfortable saying, oh yes, she’ll bring it back tomorrow, that feels like I am lying and saying yes, I know my niece stole it but we’ll get it back. Change the subject?- but then later that day, mum calls my niece to demand where is it? I really don’t know what to do for the best.
And this is only one of the many challenges we are having - not bathing regularly, not wanting to change their clothes, not throwing out of date food away, not making drinks/snacks for themselves anymore, not really wanting to go out, dads driving license is up for renewal etc etc But the most overwhelming at the moment.
What would you do?