Hi there
I've been reading the posts here for a while and am so reassured that others have similar problems. This horrific disease has robbed me of my mum and similarly, now dad, both in the same Care Home. It's been a long and tortuous journey getting them to safety, not helped by my brother, who has done his level best to disrupt any decision making or organized support put in place for them.
Mum had had Alzheimer's for nearly 3 years but it crept up so quietly, we couldn't understand what was wrong with her. No interest in her home, self or family, just happy to lie on the settee all day, being occasionally offered food by my father. yet denying her situation. Several hospitalisations and 3 years later she finally ends up in a Care Home nearby. 10 months in, she still wants to go home, insists there's nothing wrong with her, is angry, aggressive, and hates the very ground I walk on.
Dad went to the same home voluntarily 4 months ago, ostensibly to support mum, but in dire need of help himself. He has severe Vascular Dementia probably caused by ITA's years ago. Both steadfastly refused to recognise their frailty and increasing dependence on me, refusing to allow any carers etc to help them.
They started off in the Home spending the whole day together (which they never did at home), then we changed that to afternoons and evenings, now it is only evenings. Mum spends all her time with dad complaining and insisting that he try to get them home as there's nothing wrong with either of them. He's being worn down by it all and the next step is to reduce the number of evenings spent together. No - one wants to visit her now as she cries and complains throughout the visit. Her continuing nastiness caused me to avoid her for nearly a month, in the hope that a change in her medication would help. She now has good days and bad days as long as I only visit her on her own. If she's with dad, she sees me as a threat, insisting that I've always wanted to put her in a home so I can have dad all to myself.
I made up photo albums of her as a child, then a few with us also in. She tried to throw all the ones with me in them into the bin - only dad's intervention saved them. She cut up my wedding photos and put them in the bin to the delight of my brother (who is now in prison) who was manipulating and stealing from them in our absence. Once when we were on holiday, he encouraged them to cancel their POA's, carers, meals on wheels and every other thing I had put in place for them. The damage he caused is irreparable and he still attempts to malign me and manipulate them from prison.
All in all, a nightmare, but worth all the hassle to keep them safe and well looked after. Now I have to tell them that we have to sell the house in order to pay for their care - not looking forward to that one!
I've been reading the posts here for a while and am so reassured that others have similar problems. This horrific disease has robbed me of my mum and similarly, now dad, both in the same Care Home. It's been a long and tortuous journey getting them to safety, not helped by my brother, who has done his level best to disrupt any decision making or organized support put in place for them.
Mum had had Alzheimer's for nearly 3 years but it crept up so quietly, we couldn't understand what was wrong with her. No interest in her home, self or family, just happy to lie on the settee all day, being occasionally offered food by my father. yet denying her situation. Several hospitalisations and 3 years later she finally ends up in a Care Home nearby. 10 months in, she still wants to go home, insists there's nothing wrong with her, is angry, aggressive, and hates the very ground I walk on.
Dad went to the same home voluntarily 4 months ago, ostensibly to support mum, but in dire need of help himself. He has severe Vascular Dementia probably caused by ITA's years ago. Both steadfastly refused to recognise their frailty and increasing dependence on me, refusing to allow any carers etc to help them.
They started off in the Home spending the whole day together (which they never did at home), then we changed that to afternoons and evenings, now it is only evenings. Mum spends all her time with dad complaining and insisting that he try to get them home as there's nothing wrong with either of them. He's being worn down by it all and the next step is to reduce the number of evenings spent together. No - one wants to visit her now as she cries and complains throughout the visit. Her continuing nastiness caused me to avoid her for nearly a month, in the hope that a change in her medication would help. She now has good days and bad days as long as I only visit her on her own. If she's with dad, she sees me as a threat, insisting that I've always wanted to put her in a home so I can have dad all to myself.
I made up photo albums of her as a child, then a few with us also in. She tried to throw all the ones with me in them into the bin - only dad's intervention saved them. She cut up my wedding photos and put them in the bin to the delight of my brother (who is now in prison) who was manipulating and stealing from them in our absence. Once when we were on holiday, he encouraged them to cancel their POA's, carers, meals on wheels and every other thing I had put in place for them. The damage he caused is irreparable and he still attempts to malign me and manipulate them from prison.
All in all, a nightmare, but worth all the hassle to keep them safe and well looked after. Now I have to tell them that we have to sell the house in order to pay for their care - not looking forward to that one!