Both have Dementia but different care needs!

Pmkmrm

New member
Jul 23, 2021
6
0
My husband and I sold our property and my husband gave up his job so we could move in with his parents to become their full time live in carers. We have been living with them for a year and a half now and boy have they deteriorated in this time! My FIL also has Parkinsons Disease stage 4 plus dementia and my MIL have dementia we are going back for their test results in August but having already lived through this with my darling dad and knowing about Alzheimer’s/dementia they definitely have it. It’s just a case of which type. The struggle we are having is we have two 85 year olds who both have health problems (MIL also has heart failure issues) and both have different needs and approaches to their care needs. I’m not sure what I’m really wanting from this post just to say we are totally exhausted!! We have my MIL having daily episodes of not knowing that it is her home she is living in and then getting cross. Then forgetting her siblings have passed and getting angry and upset which is so sad and then my FIL has episodes of delusions and insists he has work the next day and needs to find his suitcase for a course he is going on for example and will try and get out of his chair very agitated and at risk of falling. We never know each day which one is going to kick off. Sorry if it feels like a rant just very tired.
thank you for reading ?
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
81,453
0
Kent
It's not a rant @Pmkmrm , you`re just telling it as it is. Caring for one with dementia is enough but caring for two must be exhausting.

Now you have found Talking Point I hope you get the support and advice you need.

Are you getting any help from Social Services? I suppose if you haven`t had a formal diagnosis yet you will not be able to access LA support.

It seems a long time to wait until August and I wonder if you could ask to bring your appointment forward.
 

Bunpoots

Volunteer Host
Apr 1, 2016
7,342
0
Nottinghamshire
Welcome from me too @Pmkmrm

It sounds as though you need some help! If you can afford it it’s well worth getting a home help (while you’re waiting for SS to do an assessment) even if it’s just with housework and laundry. That’s how I started my dad with getting used to having others in the house.
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
25,018
0
South coast
Hi @Pmkmrm . You dont actually need a formal diagnosis to access SS help, although it may limit what can be offered as you wont be able to access dementia specific help without a diagnosis of dementia.

My OH does not have a diagnosis, but he nevertheless had a Needs Assessment from SS and has had carers come in to help him wash and dress for over a year now. He was also going to be referred to day care (there was one place that would accept him without a diagnosis), but it closed during the lockdown. It has since re-opened, but now has a waiting list.

I have also got someone through Age UKs help at home scheme who comes in to help with laundry and cleaning, someone to help with gardening and Im in the process of finding a handyman service. TuVida (formally Crossroads) will provide a sitting service. You do have to pay for these last services, and possibly the things arranged by SS (depending on their savings). Do your in-laws get Attendance Allowance? Its not means tested, Im sure they would be eligible and you dont have to have a diagnosis to claim it. If you havent already applied, get Age UK to help you fill in the forms and the money can help pay for things that will help.
 

Sarasa

Volunteer Host
Apr 13, 2018
7,195
0
Nottinghamshire
This is the link the the Age UK Help at Home service that @canary mentioned. They don't do this service everywhere, but it would be a good introduction to help for your parents if it is available in your area. From that page you should be able to find other links to help with filling in forms etc.
I'm glad you found this site, you'll get lots of ideas and support from other members, and it's a safe, friendly place to let off steam when things get too much.
 

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