1. Kay111

    Kay111 Registered User

    Sep 19, 2019
    80
    Hello everyone,

    Do you have any tips to keep my dad occupied during the day so he's not so bored? I'm not actually sure there's any answer but thought I'd put it out there just in case anyone's had the same.

    I think he's just at that inbetweeny phase where nothing holds his interest for very long (puzzles etc are no longer doable) but he has enough about him to know that he's bored and be cross about it (does that make sense?). He spends most of his time sticking to my mum like glue and getting annoyed at her when she doesn't always reply to his constant questions. His constant need for mum to talk to him is driving mum mad. Whenever mum suggests anything he says he's not interested. (He's immobile now so physically there isn't a great deal he can do etiher. When mum suggests she push him outside to the garden he refuses - and can get really grumpy and aggressive if she tries to make him do anything he doesn't want to do.)

    Thank you!
     
  2. nae sporran

    nae sporran Volunteer Host

    Oct 29, 2014
    5,989
    Male
    Bristol
    Hullo Kay,
    My partner can be a bit like that some days. She just gets grumpy rather than aggressive though. Would your dad accept a befriending scheme ? C will sit and chat to a lady from an agency all of Tuesday afternoon in a way se won't with me and your dad may be the same. That would give your mum a few hours respite.
     
  3. TNJJ

    TNJJ Registered User

    May 7, 2019
    601
    Female
    cornwall
    Hi.My Dad is immobile as well.He only listens to the radio and tv.He gets wheeled into the garden..
    Nothing will hold his interest except going to a store for lunch.But that is not a thing that you can do everyday as he has to go in a wheelchair taxi..
    So other than befrienders or going to a day centre I’m not sure what else to suggest.Dad won’t have befrienders in either.
     
  4. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,700
    Kent
  5. Claireo

    Claireo New member

    Sep 24, 2019
    5
    Female
    I'm considering Alexa and other systems for my mum. I get asked about the weather every 5 mins, apparently Alexa can cope with this, she's a better woman than me!

    Could he fix things?

    Or scan hard copy photos to a memory card. I have this cheap scanner that sucks them through (it's not connected to a computer). I made a digital photobook for my dad's 70th with them. Could be a nice Xmas present for your mum. The photos will then need sticking back into albums if they've been taken out, another task.
     
  6. archiebald

    archiebald Registered User

    Jan 12, 2016
    27
    Hi I care for my hubby diagnosed with Alzheimers at 56 now 62 he is double incontinent I have him 24/7 he is also now so dependant on me he folliws me around stuck to my hip this is not a healthy situation for either but there comes a time that the carers health is as important and support is needed from outside we dont want to leave our dependant feel bad its like giving your child to a stranger but as a carer we need time to ourselves which as we all know is very hard to get I have had no support as yet but am in process of getting 3 days support 4 hours a day I need to let go a bit so I can continue to have my hubby at home and he wont like it but he will eventually accept the change and hopefully make things a bit better to deal with mabey you should try get some support your dependant will also just have to accept the fact you are important too
     
  7. TNJJ

    TNJJ Registered User

    May 7, 2019
    601
    Female
    cornwall
    Hi.I have carers in 4 times s day to help manoeuvre him as dad can sometimes be difficult.But he is good for the carers.I have hurt my shoulder and back last week with him .
    I'm the one who cooks ,takes him out etc.I used to do personal care for him as well until he got difficult.I leave the carers do that now.
     
  8. 70smand

    70smand Registered User

    Dec 4, 2011
    265
    Female
    Essex
    Sounds like my dad a few years ago except he was very mobile.
    Sometimes music used to sooth him with his iPod and headphones on. TV used to agitate him and he had problems with whether it was real or not. He punched the chap from countdown and the newsreader square on the nose more times than I care to remember!
    He lost the ability to read and do anything too technical although he always been a very hands on practical man. One thing I used to get dad doing was sanding planks of wood for a bench - he could sand it with a sanding block for hours and he really felt useful, that he was helping me. I would put a work apron on him and set him to work with the wood propped across the arms of the chair. Could get a little messy but it was only dust and he liked the easy repetitive motion and talked about what colour we should paint it.
    We also had a rummage box full of old tv remotes and an old mobile, a stopwatch, a camera and an old hand held computer game amongst other things- he couldn’t work any of them but liked to fiddle with them.
    Not sure if this is any use, sometimes it’s trial and error and what works one day doesn’t always work the next, but he was always happy if he thought he was helping.
     
  9. Kay111

    Kay111 Registered User

    Sep 19, 2019
    80
    Thank you everyone for your replies!

    @nae sporran - Hmmm...not sure about the befriender. I wonder. My parents were never very sociable people at the best of times and with Dad I think the dementia's really brought that side out of him. He gets paranoid and suspicious of strangers very easily (and oh the mean things he comes out with now if he doesn't like someone!). I wonder if that's something that would slowly go once he got used to someone though.

    @TNJJ I'm sorry your dad's the same way. It sounds like it's just how things are at this stage, frustrating as it is for mum. He used to watch telly ok, but as long as mum was there watching with him. If she left to use the loo or anything he would start looking for her. (Actually, the one thing my dad does like is food! He's always happy if he's snacking on something but sadly that can't be all day!). PS I hope your back is better soon! Look after yourself. :)

    @Grannie G - oh! Thank you! I might get a fiddle muff, dad has a habit of tugging the buttons off his shirt. I like the look of those 50s and 60s discussion cards too. I think all the puzzly/game type things might be beyond dad but he does like to reminisce. Thank you!

    @Claireo - I don't know why but the thought of dad having long, disjointed weather conversations with Alexa (And then maybe accidentally ordering 2 tonnes of weetabix) made me smile. Yes, Dad loves going over old photos! I've made them an album which mum and dad flip through now and again :) (It really broke my heart (in a good way) when I'd first done it and Dad was so happy and he kept saying "oh, how wonderful, thank you for this! Thank you for this!")

    @archiebald - this sounds EXACTLY the situation my mum is in at the moment so I really understand where you're coming from and how tough it must have been for you up til now. I am so happy for you and yours that you are getting help in. I really hope it gives you a bit of a breather and a break from the relentlessness of it all. Mum has also been looking after dad 24/7 and has up until now refused help but he has had bouts of double incontinence recently (sorry, I don't know how else to phrase it!) and I think this is the straw that's breaking the camel's back and mum's finally warming tot he idea of some help. I might show her your comment if that's ok. I think it'll help her realise it's not just her having to take that step. Thank you!

    @70smand - I love the idea of the sanding, thank you!! Dad has always been very hands on too, so maybe this will be something that he might enjoy. And like you say, it might not work all the time but that's why it'd be great to have a drawerful of ideas to fall back on.
     
  10. annielou

    annielou Registered User

    Sep 27, 2019
    123
    My mum is always bored too and whatever I suggest she usually says no to it, with your dad being immobile there I imagine it must be even harder for you and your mum to think of things to suggest to your dad x
    Some things mum used to do before she struggles with now so I've been trying to think of simpler versions for her to try. She used to like to knit but struggles to keep up with what row of a pattern shes on now so I suggested knitting simple small bonding squares in just rows of knit for the preemie baby charities, she said that sounded boring though so didn't try it, I will mention it again a few times more times though when I'm knitting in front of her.
    She still does code word puzzles but isn't as good at them as she was and does look up lettters in the answers in the back more now. I have seen simpler versions of wordsearch puzzle books although mum doesn't do those, would they be any good for your dad do you think?
    Mum used to like jigsaws but last few times she did them she didn't finish them as it was taking her much longer to do, and so hasn't tried one for a few months. I've just seen some 100 piece jigsaws on amazon which I'm thinking of suggesting to her and there are some on the alzheimers site with even less pieces if you think that would be any good, maybe using one of the pull up to a chair tables or those on the knee flat boards.
    Years ago when my niece and nephews used to visit both mum and me always liked to colour in their colouring books with them and when the adult colouring phase started we both bought adult colouring books but didn't like the tiny patterned sections they are made of. I found one at The Range a little while ago that has more proper pictures suitable for adults, without the usual tiny mosaicy sections but also not the cutesy pictures like a kids one, so I suggested she try that the other day but she said no. So I did one instead in the hope might encourage her, it didn't, but it was worth a go and I might try it again sometime. Maybe not the thing for your dad though.
    I also suggested dominoes the other day as my niece used to love playing that and mum would play hours with her and used to play as a kid with her mum and brothers, she said no when I asked if wanted to play but it did spark a long chat about playing with her family and what other things they did which was nice.
    Other people probably have better suggestions than me so hope you find some ideas to try x
     
  11. Kay111

    Kay111 Registered User

    Sep 19, 2019
    80
    @annielou yes, that's exactly it. Dad is bored but his response to any suggestion is no. It drives my poor mum to despair. It seems like all he's interested in doing is interrogating my mum, bless her.
     
  12. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,700
    Kent
    I`ve just remembered and ex member of Talking Point got her husband to cut bread for the birds.

    She gave him slices of bread on a chopping board, a big bowl and a pair of scissors. He spent many an hour cutting bread for the birds and then had the pleasure of watching the birds feed.
     
  13. TNJJ

    TNJJ Registered User

    May 7, 2019
    601
    Female
    cornwall
    I have given up suggesting anything other than going out for a coffee about once a fortnight.
    If any other suggestions to dad other than that is met with the default “no “,or “can’t be bothered “.
     
  14. Dimpsy

    Dimpsy Registered User

    Sep 2, 2019
    340
    Female
    We have found that mum isn't keen on doing anything on her own but loves to join in. For example, our granddaughter is at the colouring stage, I bought 7 cheap colouring books all the same plus a load of felt tip pens and we have family colouring sessions,which mum loves to join in with. It's surprising how carefully she can colour in the pictures - and then we judge the best. To be honest, we all enjoy our mammoth colouring sessions, it's strangely calming and therapeutic!

    Mum loves to wash up and dry the dishes but can't remember which cupboard/drawer to put stuff away in, will read and word-search but there is nothing else that she will do on her own - except fold tissues.
     
  15. Steve73

    Steve73 New member

    Oct 13, 2019
    1
    My mum gets bored so easily, as soon as she gets back home from going out she wants to go back out again. My dad does a great job caring for her, takes her out every day without fail but hes not in ths best of health. My mum is in good physical health an feels trapped if my dad doesn't take her back out..... any help, tips or ideas????
     
  16. TNJJ

    TNJJ Registered User

    May 7, 2019
    601
    Female
    cornwall
    Would she allow befrienders in?They could sit with her or take her out?
    Would she like a day care centre?
     
  17. Bunpoots

    Bunpoots Registered User

    Apr 1, 2016
    3,153
    Nottinghamshire
    Welcome to Dementia Talking Point @Steve73

    There are some good suggestions on this thread already. A daycentre would give your dad a break, which I’m sure he needs!

    when I was caring for my dad I found Teepa Snow videos on YouTube were always a good source of information and Inspiration!
     
  18. vwgolf

    vwgolf Registered User

    Feb 17, 2019
    15
    All so so useful. Thank you everyone! x
     

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