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black cloud

krissymc

Registered User
Sep 24, 2012
75
my mum died in november last year and i have been told I'm coping fairly well, but most days i feel I'm just surviving. In front of other people even my husband I put on a big act of doing everything normal, but when I'm on my own I can't stop crying, don't sleep for more than a couple of hours at night, just feel that i could have done more for her and keep thinking what if I get dementia,her doctor at the Ch said it was hereditary i really don't want to put my family through that again. Will this cloud ever go away, I don't want everyone to think I'm a miserable person that they should avoid.
 

Neph

Registered User
Jan 27, 2014
179
Give yourself time, it hasn't been long and you need to grieve. I know what you mean about putting a brave face on, I do it too.

Please don't feel like you will feel like this forever, because you won't. But at the same time let yourself feel and cry, it will help the healing process.

Losing a parent is never easy. You always think they will be there for ever and when they are taken away it is devastating.

Take each day as it comes and your cloud will start to lift.

(((hugs)))
 

Grandma Joan

Registered User
Mar 29, 2013
276
Wiltshire
Hi Chrissy

I lost my adorable Dad 30th October so similar time to your loss.

We all miss him enormously and soon we have to face his birthday without him.

But it comforts me to know that he is at peace now, no more struggles, no more fears or worries, no more anxiety or paranoia.

Be kind to yourselves now, we all do as much as we possibly can.

You are not alone x
 

stanleypj

Registered User
Dec 8, 2011
10,708
North West
my mum died in november last year and i have been told I'm coping fairly well, but most days i feel I'm just surviving. In front of other people even my husband I put on a big act of doing everything normal, but when I'm on my own I can't stop crying, don't sleep for more than a couple of hours at night, just feel that i could have done more for her and keep thinking what if I get dementia,her doctor at the Ch said it was hereditary i really don't want to put my family through that again. Will this cloud ever go away, I don't want everyone to think I'm a miserable person that they should avoid.
I'm so sorry to hear about your difficulties. As Neph says, give yourself time.

I'm sure that you did everything that you could have done for your Mum.

The doctor at the CH was quite wrong to say that dementia is hereditary. I know that some conditions that cause dementia can have a genetic component but no-one is fated to inevitably develop dementia just because a relative did.

If you could find a way to get more sleep you would probably feel much better during the day. Two hours a night is not really enough as I'm sure you're aware. I don't know your circumstances, but if you have the the time you might find more exercise to tire you out would help - swimming, walking, whatever you are comfortable with.

Take care.
 
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Saffie

Registered User
Mar 26, 2011
22,511
Near Southampton
I agree with Stanley, that doctor was so wrong to say that to you. Unkind and inaccurate.
It takes time to grieve. Be kind to yourself. I still sometimes cry about my mother who died over 30 years ago - with Alzheimer's - and I still wish I had been more patient and understanding. Sadly, we knew little in those days and had no AS to turn to for information.

Things will get better. xxx
 

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