Bitterness . what is it ?

Discussion in 'ARCHIVE FORUM: Support discussions' started by Margarita, Mar 29, 2007.

  1. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    No sure where to put this in hear or Tea room , please move it , if
    Moderator feel I have posted in wrong place

    Since I have been on this respite on my own at home, I have been looking at a lot of issue that I have within myself, one is bitterness.

    Now I thought what does this word mean, where does it come from why is it so frequency use on TP , what is the meaning behind it and have I been carrying it around on my shoulder without relishing it .

    So I did a search on it, but can’t find the answer how can bitterness (sp) be a real feeling if you can't touch it, like a sensation? Is it a thought you keep repeating to yourself about something you don’t like about what has happen in your life? Where, what does it came from how do we make, think bitter that it can effect our life‘s what is the long team implication , if one keep on holding on to bitterness ?

    How can it stop one from moving on, in one life?

    Yes I have to much time on my hands with the respite so am doing a lot of soul searching that I have been avoiding , to embarrassed to ask Just that I would like to no other people views and if I don’t ask I won’t know . So if you don’t mind sharing please do .

    Could bitterness effect how I care for my mother, bring it in to my hear now with her , with other issue I have not sorted or wanted to admit I was feeling .

    That’s why I want to know what bitterness really is
  2. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    SW Scotland
    Hi Maggie

    You've set us a hard one, haven't you?

    I'll have a go at answering, but I'm not a psychologist. This will be just my opinion.

    Bitterness is a very deep-seated emotion, like love. No you can't touch it, but it's there, deep inside you.

    I don't think it's caused just by your present situation. It's too deep for that. Your situation makes you feel frustrated, angry, tender, happy, whatever, but these emotions are on the surface, and can change in a moment.

    Bitterness is deeper, and is caused by huge hurts that have never been resolved. Yes, it can affect your life. It can cause physical symptoms as well as mental.

    It needn't affect the way you care for your mum -- you can keep the bitterness under the surface. But that only increases the strain on you. And the love you feel for your mum makes it even harder, because it's also a deep-seated emotion, and creates tensions with the bitterness.

    How do you deal with it?

    I don't think you can resolve it with your mum now, it would be too confusing for her. So you have to think of healing yourself.

    I don't know. There are so many ways. Counselling, if you can find a counsellor you trust and can open up to. Self-help, if you're strong enough, but it's hard.
    Pills -- you've tried that, and don't like the way they make you feel. Hypnosis, this could work, allowing you to get down to those deep emotions.

    I don't know Maggie. But you're doing a great job looking after your mum. Enjoy your respite, and try to switch off for a while. That might help you more than anything.

  3. cris

    cris Registered User

    Aug 23, 2006
    Maggie, my dictionary defines bitterness, as being resentful, sharp painful, unpleasant to accept such as an unwelcome fact.
    Many things you cannot see or touch, but it does not make them any less real. Like love or hate or other emotions.
    I think you have to come to terms with your feelings and emotions, and past events in life.
    I believe that when I make a decision, whether it turns out to be good or bad I accept that at that time I felt it was the right thing to do.
    I may realise that I could have thought about it more or in a different way, but at the time it was my decision.
    I may like to improve or rectify what has or is happening, but I am a mortal and providing I do my best, that I know to be morally and ethically ok
    then I accept life as it is. Sure I don't like it at times, but there will always be someone worse off than me (just as there will be
    some that are in a better situation.)
    Bitterness is a resentful feeling about events in our life, and if we allow this poor feeling to "win" and occupy our lives for too long we will
    lose sight of the beautiful things in our life. I am bitter about my wife's illness and how she does not deserve it, but the beauty comes out when
    she may still remember to say "I love you and thank you for looking after me."
    Examine what has happened in your life, decide what if anything you want to change or can change, and put behind you, that which you can do nothing about.
    I am not saying you should forget these events, but learn and build upon them and move on.
    The above are all my views and observations. I am not a psychiatrist or have ever been to one, so many may disagree with me or even tell
    me that I am complete wrong. Maybe I am but they are my views and I get by.
    good luck with your search to define and understand bitterness as it is for you.
  4. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    #4 Margarita, Mar 29, 2007
    Last edited: Mar 29, 2007
    I know its like fighting an invisible force within myself , that when face can’t really harm me , I suppose that what they mean letting go , because I think how can I let go of a memory that does not excite any more , am I just keeping it alive in my memories tormenting myself .

    My friend had me nearly in tears yesterday when I was talking about what I wanted from the future with someone, she 33 years old her mum died of cancer 4 years ago.
    She turns around and said Maggie, just live for today because you never know what will happen in the future.

    And for some reason I can’t do that and I eat my brains out now in how I want in the future after I am not looking after my mother , then I wonder why she said this ? is it I that I am bitter or is it her , or is it no one and I should just respect her way of thinking that is different from mine ? and like you say.

    Thank-you for saying that .

    I have been swictching of mind you , that now I am swich back on lol sorry hope I do not sound rude , Just that I can not swich of all the time and my friend phone me , with issue she haveing , that set it all of with my own Unresolved bitterness
  5. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    Skye Cris thank you so much . I love reading how other view it all .

    Oh forget the psychologist , that just One person view what he /she has learn from a book and a book is till One person View .

    All of you like me our liveing in it so thank you

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