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Bit of good news - well sort of...

Kate P

Registered User
Jul 6, 2007
565
Merseyside
As anyone who has seen my previous postings will know we're having a bit of trouble getting mum diagnosed.

However, we've had a break through in that the consultant we asked to see has agreed to come to the house this afternoon to see mum and is happy for us to be there to oversee things and provide information.

Although it's what I've been wanting I feel utterly sick to my stomach with nerves, with the added anxiety of dad not telling mum she's coming until she gets there - heaven only knows how mum will respond to that.

Still, we plough on - wish me luck!!
 

JMW

Registered User
Jun 14, 2007
19
Hi Kate,

Yes that is good news at least you will know what you are dealing with. Strangely enough it will in the long run make you more able to cope with it. As for your mum not knowing it is probably best and that was the way we had to deal with things with my mum, left it til the last minute so she didn't have time to stress about it. Just know that my thoughts are with you and your family today.

Best wishes,

JMW
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
70,702
Kent
Dear Kate,

Don`t be too nervous about the Consultant. If s/he is so co-operative to suggest a home visit, s/he will hopefully be sensitive to your mother`s anxieties.

I do wish you luck. Don`t worry, you are on the right path.

Love xx
 

fearful fiona

Registered User
Apr 19, 2007
723
73
London
Hello Kate,

I was in a similar position with my Mum when the consultant agreed to visit her at home. I think you have done the right thing not telling her, I had to do that because my Mum kept cancelling visits as she is very obstinate and still believes that there is nothing wrong with her.

She had two visits and I was nervous too, but they went very well. Although when the consultant had departed my Mum said "well I didn't think much of him!"

No two cases are the same, but yours sounds so similar to mine, I hope it goes as well and I shall be thinking of you.

Good luck.
 

jackie1

Registered User
Jun 6, 2007
238
Cheshire
HI Kate,

I'm so glad you have managed to get this appointment and I think your family are doing the right thing by not saying anything to your mum until much nearer the time.
I hope all goes as well as possible.

Love
Jackie
 

Skye

Registered User
Aug 29, 2006
17,000
SW Scotland
Hi Kate

Hope all goes well with the assessment. You'll feel so much better when you have a diagnosis and care plan set up.

Let us know how it goes.
 

Kate P

Registered User
Jul 6, 2007
565
Merseyside
it of good news - wel sort of ... update

Hello everyone,

Thanks for your messages of support yesterday - it helped me going in to feel much calmer and positive that this was the right thing to do.

Thankfully, the new consultant was wonderful - we couldn't have asked for better (she was recommended to us at our local AZ support meeting). Her manner with my mum was just so lovely and mum really relaxed and actually said how much she liked her new doctor.

The doctor has confirmed that it is dementia we are dealing with but she wants mum to have a brain scan before she says anymore - she's put that through as an urgent request as it looks like we're quite far in judging by how the assessment went.

Even though I've suspected this and been mithering about it for a good two years, I was astonished at what mum can't do anymore - she struggled with a two command sequence and can't spell at all - her memory is also much worse than I realised. I felt a bit guilty at first but when I thought about it I realised that it would be weird for me to be issuing two stage commands to my mum - never mind insisting that she spells words for me! I think ti shcoked dad as well but hard as it was I think he needed to see it so he can finally accept it, you know?

I thought I'd feel more at this stage but it's like I don't know what emotion to feel. I'm not exactly shocked because I'd accepted this long ago and I've already grieved to some extent but I also can't be happy that someone has finally taken us seriously and given us the diagnosis because the diagnosis is still so devestating and is ultimately leading down a path that you have no choice but to tread - does that make sense?

Kate
XXX
 

Skye

Registered User
Aug 29, 2006
17,000
SW Scotland
Kate P said:
I thought I'd feel more at this stage but it's like I don't know what emotion to feel. I'm not exactly shocked because I'd accepted this long ago and I've already grieved to some extent but I also can't be happy that someone has finally taken us seriously and given us the diagnosis because the diagnosis is still so devestating and is ultimately leading down a path that you have no choice but to tread - does that make sense?
Kate, I'm not surprised you have mixed emotions. You wanted a diagnosis, you knew in your hert what the diagnosis would be -- but it'e still devastating when it's confirmed.

It sounds as if you have a good consultant, and once you have had time to come to terms with things, and your mum has had her scan, you will be able to get a care plan set up. Don't be afraid to ask for the help you need -- no-one will offer!

You've done really well to get this far. Just be kind to your mum, and try to relax. The wheels are in motion now.

Keep us informed, we're here to support you.

Love,