1. ponypony

    ponypony Registered User

    Nov 21, 2015
    14
    I posted a while ago,re concerns of my OH.....who,although has had no official diagnosis,,i felt was not acting quite right....i did have a few replies from good folk,who suggested FTD.....well,i have not acted upon it,left things to roll...anyway,the latest is,,his mum is quite poorly,been taken into hospital,because,she has had a series of falls,on one occasion,been on the floor all night,unable to get into bed,or otherwise,,,,,,,,anyway,the carer,called,a few days later,she was again on the floor,and,so was admitted to hospital.
    He (OH)....has made no moves to go and visit her,and has said to his brother,his driving is not up to scratch,so cant go to visit (even though,i have said trains are available)..i am at the stage ,where i am having to nag him,to phone the hospital,,to check how she is............surely this is not normal ?..if it were one of my parents in hospital,i would be visiting right away.......he just turns on the tv,and watches films,,,and does not seem to have any worries about his aged mother in hospital,never mentions her,or any worries he may have.
    I just find this behaviour totally abnormal........again,the ever eternal question.....is It Just Me ??.....or do i have a budding dementia problem on my hands ??
     
  2. Aisling

    Aisling Registered User

    Dec 5, 2015
    1,807
    Ireland
    The only suggestion I have is make an appointment with your GP and talk about your worries re OH. Is this a recent change? Maybe he too upset to talk about his Mum? Could he go with his brother? Have you noticed any other changes? As I said I don't really know but I would make app with your doctor.

    Sending you lots of support,
    Aisling,
    (Ireland)
     
  3. Hellyg

    Hellyg Registered User

    Nov 18, 2014
    78
    Midlands
    Hello, my husband has been diagnosed with FTD, the semantic variant in his case and I have to say that when his mum was ill, it was very similar to how you describe your OH to be. She likewise fell and was on the floor over night and he did not recognise that this was serious or what could have happened. Rather than rush round when the police phoned, his mum having dailed 999 (we only lived round the corner) he finished what he was doing at home and the made his way round 2 hours later. When she got worse and was in hospital, he did not seem as concerned as you would expect. He did visit her to give him his due, but there was no empathy. When she eventually passed away there was not the normal of level of emotion.

    He has a lack of empathy for others, including me. He has also become self centred and seems obsessed with a few conversations and activities.

    As my husband had other symptoms, word finding problems and understanding what was being said, we never had the issues some people have in getting someone to recognise here was a problem, although initially he did well on the Alzheimer's tests, as he could count backward in 7's forever more and performed other tasks quite well, such as drawing a clock, could and still can remember appointments, times, doesn't get lost etc This did mean that we had some months of him being treated for stress/depression, eliminating other causes, before we made it to the memory clinic. When we go to the memory clinic, it was a relatively straight forward process to gain a diagnosis.

    I think the behavioural variant if FTD is harder to recognise and harder to explain to others. The question would be, is this behaviour new, in that he would have previously shown concern. Are there any other changes where you can pin point how he would behave previously compared to now. It can I know be hard to recognise when the changes are gradual, my husband probably had behavioural changes prior to the word finding issues, but i didn't really recognise it as specific symptoms. Looking back I do now. Do you think you could get him to go for a check up and explain your concerns to e doctor?
     
  4. ponypony

    ponypony Registered User

    Nov 21, 2015
    14
    hi again.......the changes have been gradual over a couple of years......from him saying every day,shall we go for a walk.......to now,he never ventures outside......EG....i work 6 days a week.......he does 2 very short shifts........every day,i come home,and the dog needs walking......Saturday,i came home from work at lunchtime,after being out very early,working outdoors,and froze to the bone,,,,and the dog is looking at me,for her walk,,i said to her "in a min,i am frozen,just let me warm up,with a hot drink....then i will take you out"....OH was there,heard every word,,was not working that day........i kind of would have expected somebody to say "you go jump in a hot bath,i will take the dog out"......but no !,,tv was on,films to watch.....and he saw me put the lead on the dog and take her out,while he just snuggled further into the chair,to watch more films,,,,,,,he does not seem to have any empathy for anyone.........lost for words
     
  5. Kevinl

    Kevinl Registered User

    Aug 24, 2013
    4,693
    Salford
    Hi Ponyx2
    It's possible it is AZ or dementia but it's equally possible it's something else either physical or psychological and really you need to get him to go to the doctors and get some tests done. It could be as simple as; a vitamin or mineral issue, thyroid, depression or even a physical issue within the brain all of which are treatable and better caught early rather than later.
    The symptoms you describe could be down to any number of things, lethargy and detachment from everyday life (which is my short summary of what you've described) may or may not be symptoms of AZ but they're symptoms of a lot of other things too so it really needs looking into properly and the sooner the better.
    K
     
  6. ponypony

    ponypony Registered User

    Nov 21, 2015
    14
    i just wish,i had somebody i could talk with,and somebody who could support me....and advise me,,,i find myself living very rural,with him the only driver,although,even he admits,,its getting harder for him to drive,i just find myself very alone......thanks all
     
  7. Ash148

    Ash148 Registered User

    Jan 1, 2014
    276
    Dublin, Ireland
    You're not alone, we're here. PM if you would like to talk or get ( probably bad!) advice.

    Take care!!!
     
  8. Jinx

    Jinx Registered User

    Mar 13, 2014
    2,333
    Pontypool
    There's only really one solution and that's to get a diagnosis. I know it's easy to say but you're going to need support by the sound of it. I would try and speak to your GP, share your concerns and see if you can get some help or advice. I'm so sorry you find your self in this situation with so little support but TP is here for you. x


    Sent from my iPad using Talking Point
     
  9. marionq

    marionq Registered User

    Apr 24, 2013
    5,664
    Female
    Scotland
    If you're feeling anxious and isolated in your rural location then perhaps now is the time to think about moving. If your husband has dementia then such a move will be more difficult over time. Maybe make a list of all your observations and also a list of things you need to do like Power of Attorney, Wills etc.
     
  10. ponypony

    ponypony Registered User

    Nov 21, 2015
    14
    Thank You for all your help and advise and comments....i was feeling at a really low ebb,last night.
    Today,i "bumped" into a lady,who had lost her husband to dementia,when he was only 63......i had a really good chat to her,,and she said ,the same as every body else,that i really have to bite the bullet,and speak to the GP.
    I have accepted that,,it is just a matter of time,when i feel brave enough,to do so.
    Hopefully,soon......but i have to feel comfortable with myself,when i do so.
    Thank you all again......will keep you informed.
     

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