This is one of my BIGGEST outrages (amongst a large collection) of caring for a person with dementia. The general lack of respite facilities since social care was privatised and the ludicrous impossibility of a lot of it.
@Philbo we used to have one of these integrated respite/daycare centres down in my area a few years back. It also provided local domiciliary care so staff had proper local authority contracts, decent training and staff benefits. No zero hours. Sadly it got sold off along with some very good local authority care homes when everything was privatised.
It outrages me because the underlying assumption is that carers are invisible and not respected - dish out a few platitudes and that's it for most.
The cherry on the cake for me was the carers assessment which ranked me as having extremely high needs and offered me absolutely nothing. I said a very loud, very rude word and the assessor went quiet and said softly: "yes, quite a few people have responded like that."
Down here all I can do is have a last minute care home place of dubious quality, no advance booking and extortionate fees. The last one charged me a thousand pounds +/- for a long weekend and left my mum in her room the entire time. And it was the only place available and allegedly 'posh'. Grrr.
What really angers me is it has killed my career needlessly. I was managing to go from full-time caring to a week at a war crimes investigation, or a week on a reporting trip and publishing - seamlessly - keeping my name and my work 'out there' so to speak even if not as prolifically as before. But that was down to family and that support isn't available now.
I haven't had a day off for several years and if I used my mum's money to pay for weeks in a care home now not only would it not be bookable which is useless, and the 'care' would be questionable but we'd soon run out of money and need state funding and our independence and choice would go out of the window.
Alongside all this is the outrage that our local NHS CCG has closed cottage hospitals and commandeered nearly every spare care home room so that they can cook the books of their discharge figures. There are no spare rooms for respite. People are chucked out of hospital and into care homes until or if, they can find care packages. The entire system is shot to pieces if you dig below the surface.
In policy terms it's stupid and short term money snatching idiocy when in reality if social care policy made family carers a focal point and built out from there by looking after them with access to respite etc, more people would be willing and able to do it. And careers wouldn't be so hammered.
Anyway, rant over
I hope
@myss you can find something in your area. I'd try and ask other carers if possible for suggestions maybe find a local dementia café? Then even if you can't book it in advance you have a few recommendations lined up at least. And yes, your father will have to pay for it. Not being able to plan ahead is dire for flights and everything else but maybe you will strike lucky and find something. I wouldn't say much if anything to your father meanwhile. Best of luck with it.