• All threads and posts regarding Coronavirus COVID-19 can now be found in our new area specifically for Coronavirus COVID-19 discussion.

    You can access this area by going to the Health and wellbeing forum >here< or you can directly access the area >here<.

Bit of a mood today

Irish_Lisa

Registered User
Feb 24, 2007
37
N.Ireland
Today I went to spend some time with my gran & found her sorting through granddad's clothes.....she's always been a "sort it here & now" person. I, on the other hand, didn't handle it so well. As strange as it sounds I just found it very emotional handing it all over to the collector from the local charity shop.
Then my gran asked me if I was interested in any wee mementoes of his. Now my granddad was never a materialistic man, he had the clothes on his back and was happy at that. Gran left the room and came back with granddad's driving license (his lovely smile included) and a shepherd's stick with his name engraved on it. Granddad was always into training sheepdogs and competing in sheepdog trials (more great memories for me) and so the shepherd's stick was a HUGE part of his life. Just to know that I have this item that meant so much to him....well you can all imagine how much it means to me in turn.

Love ya all. xx
 

Skye

Registered User
Aug 29, 2006
17,000
SW Scotland
Gosh, Lisa, you'll cherish that shepherd's stick. How thoughtful of your gran to give you it, you'll always be able to picture your granddad using it.

Don't be upset that your gran cleared out his clothes, I'm a 'clearer outer' too. Couldn't bear to have it hanging over me. It's probably just her way of coping.

Love,
 

Irish_Lisa

Registered User
Feb 24, 2007
37
N.Ireland
Skye said:
Gosh, Lisa, you'll cherish that shepherd's stick. How thoughtful of your gran to give you it, you'll always be able to picture your granddad using it.

Don't be upset that your gran cleared out his clothes, I'm a 'clearer outer' too. Couldn't bear to have it hanging over me. It's probably just her way of coping.

Love,
I understand why she did it, she's always been like that so I'm used to it. :) I just got upset with the process, its just 1 of those many moments that we encounter and deal with.
 

Áine

Registered User
Feb 22, 2006
994
sort of north east ish
Irish_Lisa said:
As strange as it sounds I just found it very emotional handing it all over to the collector from the local charity shop.
Doesn't sound strange at all to me. I felt quite similarly with the stuff of dad's that I took to charity shops.

People seem to fall into two categories ...... either like your gran (and Hazel) and wanting to clear things out quickly ........ or like me and finding it hard to let go of things. Both are fine. Just different ways of coping.
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
70,651
Kent
Hi Lisa, You have something really special and very unusual to remember your granddad by. Your gran must know how much you meant to him to give you his shepherd`s stick and driving licence, could anything be more personal.
You little story has warmed my heart.
 

Lila13

Registered User
Feb 24, 2006
1,342
I was surprised by the speed with which my mother cleared out my father's things, after the time she'd spent looking after him.

Quite a lot of neighbours disapprove of us giving a lot of my mother's things to charity. What were we supposed to do? we haven't enough space between us to keep everything. I'm still trying to freecycle a lot of furniture.

The trouble is you have to do those things when you don't want to make any decisions.

Lila
 

Skye

Registered User
Aug 29, 2006
17,000
SW Scotland
Lila13 said:
The trouble is you have to do those things when you don't want to make any decisions.
Lila, I think in my case I did it because it was mechanical, and I wasn't in any fit state to make any decisions.
 

alfjess

Registered User
Jul 10, 2006
1,213
south lanarkshire
Hi Irish Lisa

What a lovely memento of your Grandad. Living in a rural village I can appreciate a shepherd's stick.

My Grandad was a pipe smoker and I have kept his pipes, that was the start of my pipe collection. I now have quite a few, but I only collect them if they are old or unusual, other than Grandads, which apart from one he never used, are quite ordinary, but those I cherish the most, because every time I look at them I remember Grandad and imagine him sitting in his chair, pipe in his mouth with his big jolly smiling face. I loved him dearly.

I'm sure your shepherd's stick will in time bring happy memories of your Grandad

Alfjess
 

Tina

Registered User
May 19, 2006
420
Dear Lisa,
we did a bit of both when we cleared out my grandparents' things and also my aunt's and uncle's. Some things we got rid of pretty fast, sorted what would go to charity / in the bin / what we wanted to keep. We have memory boxes...things we couldn't bear to part with went in there and when we come home, we look at them. We all also picked some individual things, things that bring back special memories for us as individuals, things that we may have bought as Christmas / birthday presents, etc.
Because my aunt and uncle and grandfather died quite recently, we haven't really finished all the sorting...painful, painful, painful, but we're getting there. Seems "easier" with some things, more difficult with others.
Painful for me today: letters and photographs. Tomorrow it might be some of the clothes / jewellery I brought home with me. And some things I still can't bear to look at or touch because it stabs me right in the chest. But I'm sure we'll get there.

Hugs, Tina
 

Irish_Lisa

Registered User
Feb 24, 2007
37
N.Ireland
I know what you mean Tina. When I look at granddad's shepherd stick it makes me smile but when I look at his photos around my room I feel an incredible sadness at the fact that I'll never see that cheeky smile again. At least I experienced it though, right? :)
 

Tina

Registered User
May 19, 2006
420
Irish_Lisa said:
I feel an incredible sadness at the fact that I'll never see that cheeky smile again. At least I experienced it though, right? :)
Exactly! I feel the same...so lucky to have had very special grandparents and aunt and uncle in my life. Glad for all the special times and the special memories. They can never be taken away.
Tina
 

Lila13

Registered User
Feb 24, 2006
1,342
Things that didn't seem important when she was alive acquire a different significance now she's gone, but partly it's just filling a vacuum. There's a sense that mourning will only start properly when all the fuss about mere things is over.

There's the lack of a precedent, no-one else in my family spent 53 years in a house she always hated, and when they were sorting out my grandmother's house they were younger and stronger, and most important she was still alive.

(And in previous generations when elderly people died or had to be moved out of their houses, there were enough youngsters around who wanted furniture, even if it was old-fashioned and didn't match, and couldn't get easy credit.)