Hi, thanks for reading . Dad has been in a really lovely care home for the past two months and seems to be settling (very slowly!). This follows a bad fall in which he broke his shoulder, and needs a stair lift to get down stairs. He's doing well; eating better, taking his tablets now etc. But, and it's a big but, refuses to accept that he's better where he is rather than back in his old house which has steep stairs (no room for a stair lift), and where he'd have far less company apart from the care workers popping in.
So his old house has been empty for the past three months, and we're going there when we can to check on it, tidy the garden and so on. As time goes by I'm worrying that it's draining money, and also is a big physical and mental drain on us... although I do realise that three months isn't long in the grand scheme of things.
Today, dad got a letter from someone interested in buying the house privately. I let dad open it, and it caused a difficult conversation about the future. Dad's main focus is that he 'doesn't want to die in the care home' :-(. I understand this, but don't know what else to do??? It's a really lovely home, small and very caring set in beautiful countryside. But it feels like he won't be happy anywhere except in his own house (which is filled with hazards).
Dad was diagnosed with sub-cortical vascular dementia a couple of weeks ago (we're waiting to get the diagnosis in writing) and the psychiatrist told him he would thrive better if he stays where he is. My feeling is, that if he went home he'd be housebound pretty quickly. I've tried to point out all the issues to dad as kindly as I can but obviously there's no reasoning with him (although he did say he'd 'think about it').
I'm so frustrated! We're doing our best, but there's a bit of me that wants to throw my hands in air and let him just do what he wants! Mind you, he wouldn't be able to organise it for himself, and I'm not inclined to do it for him when I believe it's a backward step. Any thoughts or advice??? We have power of attorney for health and welfare but how can we act on it, if it's against dad's wishes?
So his old house has been empty for the past three months, and we're going there when we can to check on it, tidy the garden and so on. As time goes by I'm worrying that it's draining money, and also is a big physical and mental drain on us... although I do realise that three months isn't long in the grand scheme of things.
Today, dad got a letter from someone interested in buying the house privately. I let dad open it, and it caused a difficult conversation about the future. Dad's main focus is that he 'doesn't want to die in the care home' :-(. I understand this, but don't know what else to do??? It's a really lovely home, small and very caring set in beautiful countryside. But it feels like he won't be happy anywhere except in his own house (which is filled with hazards).
Dad was diagnosed with sub-cortical vascular dementia a couple of weeks ago (we're waiting to get the diagnosis in writing) and the psychiatrist told him he would thrive better if he stays where he is. My feeling is, that if he went home he'd be housebound pretty quickly. I've tried to point out all the issues to dad as kindly as I can but obviously there's no reasoning with him (although he did say he'd 'think about it').
I'm so frustrated! We're doing our best, but there's a bit of me that wants to throw my hands in air and let him just do what he wants! Mind you, he wouldn't be able to organise it for himself, and I'm not inclined to do it for him when I believe it's a backward step. Any thoughts or advice??? We have power of attorney for health and welfare but how can we act on it, if it's against dad's wishes?
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