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Bit lost...

Arcticroll

New member
Jul 26, 2020
5
My mum has dementia and there is no treatment that can be had...

I visit as much as I can, but the rapid decline is taking a toll on her and my dad..

There are goodish days, bad days and down right horrendous days...

It’s all I can think about, not just for her but my poor dad- I genuinely think they stress is also killing him...

All I want to do is cry the whole time and feel like my heart is breaking...

I have constant guilt that I should not be ‘just getting on’ with my life.... I feel so broken....
 

Cat27

Volunteer Moderator
Feb 27, 2015
11,454
Merseyside
Welcome to DTP @Arcticroll I‘m sorry you’re feeling so overwhelmed.
Do you have any support in place ie carers?
Please keep posting as you’ll get lots of support here.
 

Philbo

Registered User
Feb 28, 2017
825
Kent
Hi @Arcticroll

Welcome to the forum.

There is a huge amount of advice available on this website and I am sure other members (and the volunteer hosts) will suggest and link to many that may help you and your dad.

My situation was different to yours in that I cared for my lovely wife for over 6 years until she passed away in January. It must be so hard for you watch you mum and dad going through this but in no way should you feel guilty.

You are obviously very supportive to your parents and just being there for them will mean so much - I know from my experience with my own two sons, who I am sure were both going through similar emotions to yourself?

Getting on with your own life is vitally important, as you need as many elements of "normality" as you can get. Holding it together for both your own family and your dad will I am sure, help you to continue support them.

I can only speak from my own experiences, but I have been surprised at how I coped with all the stages (and traumas) of our "dementia journey". I reached out to family, friends and to anyone else I could find, to get me through. I was very blessed to get some amazing support, not least from the wonderful folk on the forum, who were generous in sharing their knowledge, expertise, personal experiences and caring advice.

I know you will get some comfort from many more replies.

Kind wishes
Phil
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
2,246
South East
Hi @Arcticroll , welcome from me too . I’m sorry to hear about your mum and dad . It is so hard indeed , you sound like you are a great support to your parents .
Does your dad have any help ? I found the Admiral Nurses a great help and support . You could try some talking therapy ?you can self refer or a carers group may help you to talk to others in the same position . Please don’t feel guilty , I know my mum pre dementia would be horrified and would want me to live my life and enjoy it , I’m sure your mum would too and your dad for that matter . Please be kind and gentle with yourself .
 

lemonbalm

Registered User
May 21, 2018
400
Hello @Arcticroll . Watching someone you love going through dementia is extremely difficult. I freely admit that, when my mum is having a bad day, I wish with all my heart that it was over. Then, when she has a good day, I am truly glad that she is alive. It is indeed hard to think about anything else much of the time and we can feel helpless because it is not something that we can control. Some techniques and medication can improve various aspects of it though, so keep posting for advice and support and people here will do their best to help you, your Dad and your Mum.
 

Arcticroll

New member
Jul 26, 2020
5
Welcome to DTP @Arcticroll I‘m sorry you’re feeling so overwhelmed.
Do you have any support in place ie carers?
Please keep posting as you’ll get lots of support here.
There is an assigned 'carer' but mum refuses to really engage and doesn't want her in the house. Then covid hit and so nothing so far...
 

Arcticroll

New member
Jul 26, 2020
5
Hi @Arcticroll

Welcome to the forum.

There is a huge amount of advice available on this website and I am sure other members (and the volunteer hosts) will suggest and link to many that may help you and your dad.

My situation was different to yours in that I cared for my lovely wife for over 6 years until she passed away in January. It must be so hard for you watch you mum and dad going through this but in no way should you feel guilty.

You are obviously very supportive to your parents and just being there for them will mean so much - I know from my experience with my own two sons, who I am sure were both going through similar emotions to yourself?

Getting on with your own life is vitally important, as you need as many elements of "normality" as you can get. Holding it together for both your own family and your dad will I am sure, help you to continue support them.

I can only speak from my own experiences, but I have been surprised at how I coped with all the stages (and traumas) of our "dementia journey". I reached out to family, friends and to anyone else I could find, to get me through. I was very blessed to get some amazing support, not least from the wonderful folk on the forum, who were generous in sharing their knowledge, expertise, personal experiences and caring advice.

I know you will get some comfort from many more replies.

Kind wishes
Phil
thank you x x
 

Arcticroll

New member
Jul 26, 2020
5
Hi @Arcticroll , welcome from me too . I’m sorry to hear about your mum and dad . It is so hard indeed , you sound like you are a great support to your parents .
Does your dad have any help ? I found the Admiral Nurses a great help and support . You could try some talking therapy ?you can self refer or a carers group may help you to talk to others in the same position . Please don’t feel guilty , I know my mum pre dementia would be horrified and would want me to live my life and enjoy it , I’m sure your mum would too and your dad for that matter . Please be kind and gentle with yourself .
Trying to get some help in, but covid hasn't helped getting it all set up for them...
 

Arcticroll

New member
Jul 26, 2020
5
Hello @Arcticroll . Watching someone you love going through dementia is extremely difficult. I freely admit that, when my mum is having a bad day, I wish with all my heart that it was over. Then, when she has a good day, I am truly glad that she is alive. It is indeed hard to think about anything else much of the time and we can feel helpless because it is not something that we can control. Some techniques and medication can improve various aspects of it though, so keep posting for advice and support and people here will do their best to help you, your Dad and your Mum.
Nice to know I am not a horrible human for some of the thoughts... thanks for commenting... feel like a mad woman that cries all the time..