Birthday cards make me weep

Discussion in 'ARCHIVE FORUM: Support discussions' started by Canadian Joanne, Dec 4, 2006.

  1. Canadian Joanne

    Canadian Joanne Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 8, 2005
    15,990
    Toronto, Canada
    As most of you know, I've been having a lot of interesting times with my mother over the last few months. She is finally settling in somewhat, with loss of mobility and much else but at least she's a little happier.

    It was her 70th birthday this past Saturday & I found myself standing in front of the card rack crying because all the sentiments expressed in the cards refer to a person who is here with us mentally & can appreciate the sentiments. I finally managed to find a card that wasn't so blatantly about the here and now.

    She did seem to like the card - she kept holding it & turning it over. However. she had no idea that it was her birthday but really enjoyed the cake but didn't much care for the toothbrushing session (punching & swearing, trying to scratch etc - but that I can handle) that followed.

    Is it me or do nursing home personnel never brush the teeth of difficult residents? Then I get notes from the dentist who comes in saying "Make sure Doris brushes her teeth twice a day". How do they possibly expect a woman who doesn't know her family, is in a diaper & wheelchair & can't handle utensils to brush her teeth????? It really irritates.

    By the by, we paid the equivalent of *£1,700 for her wheelchair & the only time I was ever contacted by the occupational therapist or the salesman was when they wanted a cheque. But that's another rant...

    I haven't been around TP much because I'm so mentally tired. I get home & often crawl into bed around 7:30 or 8:00 simply to watch TV or read. I've browsed but I'm just so tired. You know how it is.

    Joanne
     
  2. Amy

    Amy Registered User

    Jan 4, 2006
    3,453
    Hiya Joanne,
    Good to hear from you again.
    I know what you mean about cards - I tend to go for blank ones now, and add my own message. Christmas I can usually find one that talks about Christmases past.
    Take care of yourself.
    Love Helen
     
  3. connie

    connie Registered User

    Mar 7, 2004
    9,519
    Frinton-on-Sea
    Joanne, nice to know you are still around. Look after yourself. Love,
     
  4. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    68,735
    Kent
    Hi Joanne. I understand what you mean about the cards. After my mother died, one of the reliefs was not having to search for meaningful Birthday and Mothers day cards for her. That may sound awful, but it was always so upsetting to read through the verses and think `if only`.

    I also empathise with your tiredness. I find I am sleeping in later and later recently. Fortunately, my husband is too. Sometimes I am so tired, it`s a struggle to get up in the morning and when I do eventually get up, it takes me ages to get my act together. This is not physical tiredness, I`m not digging roads, it`s the mental and emotional strain of continually treading on eggshells.

    Take care, Sylvia
     
  5. maria29al

    maria29al Registered User

    Mar 15, 2006
    426
    Warwickshire
    When Dad passed away it was just before Fathers Day this year. I remember feeling unreasonably angry at all the people in Asda choosing cards for their Dads...the shelves were full of such cards and I found myself so close to tears. Christmas without him this year will be so tough...I miss him so much still....and Mum is now deteriorating fast...ho hum...aint life grand??!! :(

    I am just going to make Mum a Crimbo hamper full of goodies this year as anything else would not be suitable.

    I hope we all have the best Christmas time that we can and enter 2007 as strong and positive as we know we are!

    Hugs
    M
    x
     
  6. Lonestray

    Lonestray Registered User

    Aug 3, 2006
    236
    Hereford
    Hi Jonne, I know where your coming from on two counts. Brushing teeth, I don't think NH staff can brush every persons teeth daily, I know they did not touch my wife's. The toothpaste and brush I provided had been unused by the time I removed her, and by then she had oral thrush. Now when I brush her teeth she often bites the brush.
    In April a letter from her local hospital address to her, saying her GP had had recommended she attend for an X-ray appointment and to bring the letter with her. She is rigid can't move nor speak!
    Will they ever learn, or want to? Good luck in your endevours. Padraig
     
  7. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    17,000
    SW Scotland
    John and I went to the dentist last week and I got told off for not cleaning his teeth properly! John is physically very fit, and we both use an electric toothbrush. I know he's been using it, but apparently not properly! I have to shower him every morning, but left him to clean his teeth while I stripped the bed. Now that system's up the spout. Only a little thing, I know, but I don't like to be accused of neglecting him.

    Incidentally, it's not easy cleaning someone slse's teeth, especially when they resent one more loss of independence (and they're six inches taller than you!)
     

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