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Better to have loved and lost ......

Discussion in 'After dementia — dealing with loss' started by Padraig, Oct 22, 2015.

  1. Padraig

    Padraig Registered User

    Dec 10, 2009
    1,039
    Hereford
    As I now live alone and rarely see anyone. There is much time to reflect as I retrace the paths of a most unusual and unbelievable life. There's a saying; "Better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all", I find difficult to understand or come to terms with.

    If one had never experienced love in their lives, might they have been spared the pain and heartbreak endured at the loss of the love that entered their lives?
    Sorry if this offends anyone as I don't mean to. Just wondering if there are any others who had no concept of what love meant, till it unexpectedly entered their lives.
     
  2. Canadian Joanne

    Canadian Joanne Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 8, 2005
    16,110
    Toronto, Canada
    Perhaps one would be spared the pain and heartbreak but at the cost of never knowing the incredible joy of true love.

    I do understand the saying and I agree with it.
     
  3. fizzie

    fizzie Registered User

    Jul 20, 2011
    2,739
    Padraig whatever the saying is or isn't you have made me very sad knowing that you live alone and rarely see anyone :(. Is that by choice? or do you live somewhere very remote? Sending vibes of companionship across the airwaves to you x
     
  4. LYN T

    LYN T Registered User

    Aug 30, 2012
    6,968
    Brixham Devon
    Padraig, going on my own experience, yes! I would have been spared the pain and heartbreak, but what a lot I would have missed. The joy, the fun, the experiences that we shared and, most of all, that most marvelous feeling of sharing a love and caring for each other.

    So, I do agree with that saying; to never have experienced love would be the saddest thing of all.

    Take care

    Lyn T XX
     
  5. Scarlett123

    Scarlett123 Registered User

    Apr 30, 2013
    3,802
    Essex
    Agree 100%. :) xxxx
     
  6. Mrsbusy

    Mrsbusy Registered User

    Aug 15, 2015
    356
    In some ways I can relate to the saying as I was married to a narcissist who now I know was incapable of reciprocating any feelings for anyone, but good at manipulation and control. So my one regret in life is apart from my families love, on a one to one basis I haven't really experienced being someone's world, and been loved properly as I would have imagined to be.

    I don't regret it all as I have four sons who are all great, and have become a stronger person through it all but when I see how my parents still think so much of each other after 57 years it must be nice to have someone who would do anything for you.

    Still who knows maybe one day?
     
  7. Padraig

    Padraig Registered User

    Dec 10, 2009
    1,039
    Hereford
    fizie,
    No need to feel sorry for me, none the less it's very kind of you. I've never given thought as to why I live alone. Then again I'm best described as a natural 'Lonesome Stray.'
    Looking after my wife for so many years on my own, may well have resulted in all our nine grand children moving on with their lives. As most women will be aware, in addition to seeing to the personal needs of a loved one in the final stages of dementia, the daily grind of cooking, washing, ironing, housework and weekly shopping leave little or no time for visitors. So I was allowed to carry on, as always to 'do things my way.'

    Most people experience love in the early stages of their lives. By contrast I was raised in what I assumed was an orphanage with a 160 plus other kids from babies in cots, to boys up to ten. A handful of nuns raised us.

    At age ten we were transferred to an adult institutions. Mine contained over 800 boys. The place was run by about twenty Christian Brothers. It was run much on the lines of a Boot Camp only worse. I was released age sixteen.
    Yes, there were disadvantages, but the advantages of discovering the wonders and beauties of the world about me never cease.
    There were so many kinds of love to discover. Love, I found to be a powerful driving force, but it also hurts.
     

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