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Best solution for keeping my parents together - only dad has dementia

debandjames

New member
Sep 27, 2021
1
0
My Dad has dementia, is very aware of it and very very scared of being separated from my Mum. He is hard wired to protect her, I think that will be the very last thing he does forget. They are in a residential home but are not happy and my mum in particular has extreme adjustment stress. The home wish to separate them as Dad's dementia is becoming 'visible' and it is making Mum ill with worry. They both now admit they need care, but of a very different nature for each of them. I am posting this thread in the hope that someone may have some advice as to suitable care homes or other option that would allow them to stay together, at least through this middle stage, where Mum can have people to talk to and help with Dad and where Dad will also be able to live. Am I looking for the impossible? We are looking in either Droitwich or Swindon area if anyone has anywhere specific they know of, otherwise simply an idea of what to look for would be really helpful. Thank you.
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
74,395
0
Kent
Hello @debandjames. Welcome to the Forum.

My husband was in a residential home with secure entrances and he was well cared for until he died.

If your parents could find something similar it might solve the problem. I am aware they are in a residential home now but it might be worth approaching a few more to see if they can be more flexible and sympathetic to keeping your parents together.
 

silkiest

Registered User
Feb 9, 2017
390
0
Hi @debandjames, there are a couple of homes near to me ( sorry not your area) which are large and run by national companies that have both residents with dementia and those without. At least one of these turned out to be very flexible for a friend and his father. The father was physically fit and was allowed to move between the dementia and non dementia floors depending on what suited him best in the day. Perhaps your parents could be on a dementia wing or floor and your mum could visit the other areas during the day when it suited her.
 

Sarasa

Volunteer Host
Apr 13, 2018
3,725
0
Hi @debandjames and welcome to Dementia Talking Point.
Have you spoken to the care home about their ideas to help both your parents. It may be they can come up with a solution. The other thing is to look for a home that can cope with their differing needs. This site might help you track one down
 

Jaded'n'faded

Registered User
Jan 23, 2019
2,030
0
High Peak
I'm not sure you'll find an answer to this one. Your father is likely to get worse and will need considerably more care as time goes on. Unless he is 'well-behaved', the other residents (presumably non-dementia) might get a bit fed up if he causes problems or disturbs them. It's quite often the case that homes will take someone with early stage dementia but give them notice to leave if they deteriorate or have difficult behaviour.

But if you move them to somewhere that caters more for dementia sufferers, that's a bit tough on your mum as there will be few people for her to talk to - it would be a pretty miserable life for her.

It's unlikely a care home, whether for dementia or just residential, will be able to meet the very different needs of your mum and dad. But who knows? Maybe such a wonderful place does exist, in which case, I hope you find it!