1. VonVee

    VonVee Registered User

    Dec 15, 2014
    69
    Poole Dorset
    #1 VonVee, Feb 15, 2016
    Last edited: Feb 15, 2016
    It's been nearly 3 weeks since my mum came to live with us, and up untill tonight it's been going well, she's had lots of stimulation from the kids and dogs being around and me taking care of her to the point I'm neglecting my family, and she hasn't wandered off once since she's been here, so that's a positive.

    Today tho I had to go out and see someone about my son and his future, and my daughter started back at work today, and my hubby is off on leave this week, and kids on half term, so we had a weekly shop to do, so we had to go out, I made sure mum was all fed and watered and showered and hair washed and dressed before we left, and she was In good spirits, but I think i left mum on her own too long, because when I got back, she looked through me like glass, and she had wet her self because she forget where the toilet was, and she was full of hate and resentment towards me, she refused to eat her dinner and take her medications, saying she's not going to take any more pills because I'm poisoning her, and then she started saying she has no rights, and she doesn't want be here and she wants to go home to my home and be with Yvonne her daughter, (which is me) when I said mum you are home and with Yvonne, she told me not to lie to her, so it's safe to say she's very confused this evening.

    The thing is, in the morning we have an advocate coming over to talk to my mum, which has been re-ferred from the social workers, because they say my mum told them more than once that she didn't want to leave her home and didn't want to live with me, but then she was telling me and the carer's that she wasn't doing very well on her own and she wants to go and live with me to keep her safe, so now the social workers seem to think I've forced her against her will and moved her in with me, which I can assure you I haven't done, but I'm worried that if she's in this mood in the morning when the advocate comes next tells her what she's been saying to me all evening, then she's going to go back to the social workers who already have it In for me it seems, and this will look bad on me, and they've told me they can make my mum a ward of court, and strip my POA away from me, and do what they will with my mother.

    It's causing a great deal of stress, and I'm doing everything in my power to keep my mother safe with everything else in between, and all this could be screwed all depending on my mother's mental state at the time she gets interviewed by the advocate, and whether she says the right or wrong thing, could determine whether it works out or goes drastically wrong and the social workers end up putting her into a care home against mine and her wills.

    My mother says she doesn't want to go into a care home, and they can't make her, and she's going to tell them to hiss off, so she moves in with us because sheltered ACCOM was a nightmare, so you see what I'm dealing with

    I feel miserable, I'm dammed if I do and dammed if I don't, I hate this.
     
  2. fizzie

    fizzie Registered User

    Jul 20, 2011
    2,731
    #2 fizzie, Feb 15, 2016
    Last edited: Feb 15, 2016
    It is a really steep learning curve for you all, three weeks is nothing and during that time you have had some really lovely times. you need to tell the advocate that you are only just settling in together and that it would have been better if they had left it for a couple of months while you all got settled and sorted out maybe some daycare. This is too soon for those kind of decisions. Tell them there have been lots of changes

    mum was upset becasue she couldn't find the toilet - we all would be - nothing to do with you personlally so please don't be upset. Check she hasn't got a UTI though.

    If you are calm tomorrow and smiling your mum will be too. My ma picked up on any tension and performed accordingly - and oh what performances!!!
    Explain that you feel that they are putting you and your family and your mumm under unneccessary pressure and you are happy to have them come and visit but they need to give you settling in time in the same way they would expect to if someone went into a care home
    ~Stay calm we are all here to support you.
    Personally I think you are amazing xxxx and very kind and loving x
     
  3. Aisling

    Aisling Registered User

    Dec 5, 2015
    1,807
    Ireland
    I have Power of Attorney for my OH and no one can take that away from me. POW in Ireland is a legal document and gives me the right to make decisions for OH. I don't think social workers have power to put someone into a care home against their will. Sure that must break some personal rights law. I don't understand what the advocates role is in this situation. None of this sounds right to be. I may be totally wrong but people can't just bully you. I have been in that situation and it is horrific.

    Try to stay strong especially in the morning.

    Virtual hugs from Ireland.

    Aisling
     
  4. VonVee

    VonVee Registered User

    Dec 15, 2014
    69
    Poole Dorset
    Dear Aisling

    Thankyou for your support hon, yes your right, I do feel I am being bullied by social services, and I've been in a battle with them for a good few months, and they keep telling me that his doesn't look good on me etc and citing the mental health act 2005, as mums past MH capacity ass came out in-conclusive, so that's why they referred mum on to the advocacy, I m not happy about it, and I do feel I'm being picked on, and I'm hoping and praying to god that she'll say the right thing tomorrow so they'll get off our back and let me carry on being the best carer I can be to my mother. I'm recording the meeting tho, they can't stop me doing that, what they don't know, etc... I'm staying strong and calm and hope that reflects onto my mother....

    Kind regards
    Yvonne x
     
  5. Aisling

    Aisling Registered User

    Dec 5, 2015
    1,807
    Ireland
    I hope everything was ok this morning for you.

    Aisling
     
  6. Kevinl

    Kevinl Registered User

    Aug 24, 2013
    4,776
    Salford
    They do or at any rate they have the right to detain someone in "approved psychiatric centre" under the 2001 Mental Health Act.

    Under the Mental Health Act 2001, you may be involuntarily admitted and detained in an approved psychiatric centre if you are suffering from a mental disorder. You may not be admitted purely because you are suffering from a personality disorder, are socially deviant or addicted to drugs or intoxicants.
    Mental disorder
    The Act defines mental disorder as mental illness, severe dementia or significant intellectual disability where:
    •Because of the illness, disability or dementia, there is a serious likelihood that you may cause immediate and serious harm to yourself or to other people or
    •Because of the severity of the illness, disability or dementia, your judgement is so impaired that your condition could get worse if you were not admitted to hospital for treatment that could only be given to you in hospital and going into hospital would be likely to improve your mental health significantly.

    I don't know if they can put you in a care home specifically but if they have the right to detain then you I would imagine they have a right to put you in a "safe or secure" place.
    K
     
  7. Aisling

    Aisling Registered User

    Dec 5, 2015
    1,807
    Ireland
    I
    My mistake Kevini. I didn't know
     
  8. little shettie

    little shettie Registered User

    Nov 10, 2009
    218
    I think you're doing a wonderful thing having mum live with you. I know exactly how it feels as my mum lives with us and I have had many similar experiences as you have just had. I don't know the ins and outs of mental health acts or your mums history, but what I would say is I can't believe they would take the word of your mum who clearly cannot make a decision for herself, or at least the right one. You are looking after mum better than any care home and as you said she has stimulation from living in your house with your family. Of course things crop up and you have to go out. I actually found putting signs on all the doors helped my mum tremendously so she knew where the bathroom was etc. Has your mum had a mental capacity test? If not I would get one sorted as it will definately help in the decision making department. If you feel youre not being taken seriously and worried that the wrong decision will be made then I would kick up a fuss and write to the Head of SS and copy in your local MP. I had to do this and it worked a treat as I felt we were getting no help, no advice no nothing. I hope it turns out ok and make sure you shout loudly as I've found sadly, it the only way to get what you want. xx
     
  9. mancmum

    mancmum Registered User

    Feb 6, 2012
    390
    Settling in takes a long time

    I had a visit from social worker after my Dad came - I referred myself just to get any help that we needed. I was honest about saying we were encouraging him to stay and that sometimes he didn't want to. Say to her ...well stay until such and such a date...I've bought food for you now..depending on her powers say yes you can go home ...are you going home by bus or train? ..let's chat about it after lunch.

    we needed to label doors but after about six months he got himself geographically located and the labels have at the moment come down.

    Depending on your situation be honest (you mention previous dealings) about the difficulties being faced. Try to engineer some time with just the social worker ..take them round and say we have set up this bedroom, we have bought these things from her home, we are doing xyz to integrate her into local community. They don't want to build up their caseload unnecessarily.
     
  10. Aisling

    Aisling Registered User

    Dec 5, 2015
    1,807
    Ireland
    Thinking about you and sending hugs and support.

    Aisling
     

Share This Page

  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.