1. Jether

    Jether New member

    Jun 17, 2019
    6
    Hi, I've just joined Talking Point. I came here because I've been looking for some discussion about helping a person with Alzheimer's deal with grief.

    My mum lost my Dad about a month ago. Her memory problems are fairly severe to the extent that she only holds details of a conversation for a very short time and cannot remember names of people in her village - but she still knows the names of her children and some relatives. She is fully aware that my father has died and very sad and depressed about it. She is very 'with it' in many ways and though she rarely knows what day it is, she can hold intelligent conversations on many topics.

    My problem is that advice I'm finding online is mostly aimed at people whose dementia is already more severe but nevertheless I do feel that Mum's dementia may be hindering her going through the grieving process. Every day she thinks she is crying for the first time (although this is far from the case) and that her loss is 'hitting' her for the first time. Because of this she sometimes says her grief is getting worse not better. She generally doesn't remember conversations we have about grief - so perhaps cannot benefit from them so well. I think perhaps she can learn new things - albeit very slowly, over weeks rather than the minutes it would have taken her before dementia.

    Of course anyone would still be struggling after so short a time (and she also has two other great pressures, namely fear surrounding her mental decline and decisions she is trying to make about whether to move into a care home) but I wondered if anyone knew of any resources giving advice in such circumstances or could share personal experiences which might help me support her.
     
  2. karaokePete

    karaokePete Registered User

    Jul 23, 2017
    4,773
    N Ireland
    Hello @Jether, you are welcome here and I hope you find the forum to be a friendly and supportive place.

    I hope you have time to take a good look around the site as it is a goldmine for information. When I first joined I read old threads for information but then found the AS Publications list and the page where a post code search can be done to check for support services in ones own area. If you are interested in these, clicking the following links will take you there

    https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/get-support/publications-factsheets-full-list

    https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/find-support-near-you

    You will see that there are Factsheets that will help with things like getting care needs assessments, deciding the level of care required and sorting out useful things like Wills, Power of Attorney etc., if any of that hasn't already been done. There is a specific Factsheet in the list about bereavement and you may find something of relevance to the immediate issue there.

    Now that you have found us I hope you will keep posting as the membership has vast collective knowledge and experience.
     
  3. Jether

    Jether New member

    Jun 17, 2019
    6
    Thanks karaokePete. I will follow those links.
     
  4. Bunpoots

    Bunpoots Registered User

    Apr 1, 2016
    2,683
    Nottinghamshire
    Hello @Jether and welcome from me too.

    I'm sorry to hear about the loss of your father. It must be doubly difficult for you having to support your mum while dealing with your own grief. I afraid I haven't had any experience of your situation but I know some other members have.

    It's very early days for you both yet. My dad died six months ago and I'm only just coming to terms with life without him. I hope over the days and weeks to come you can find a way through the only thing I can think of is distraction. It helps me to keep busy... although eventually the sadness returns. But it's a little less with time.
     
  5. Jether

    Jether New member

    Jun 17, 2019
    6
     
  6. Jether

    Jether New member

    Jun 17, 2019
    6
    Thank you Bunpoots, Thank you, that is a very kind response and I am sorry for you loss too. Although, to be honest, I am not struggling greatly with grief myself. My father was fortunate in that he had a long life and mostly happy life (he was 91 when he died) and I feel fairly at peace about his death. My mother though got married at 19, and his 8 years younger and often spoke about how she dreaded losing him. Now that time has come and she feels totally bereft and she has the additional burden of Alzheimer's to contend with.
     

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