Bereavement counselling

Discussion in 'After dementia — dealing with loss' started by Cathy67, Jul 8, 2015.

  1. Cathy67

    Cathy67 Registered User

    Apr 16, 2014
    60
    Essex
    This may seem a strange question, but how do you know if you need any? Mum passed away last new years eve and apart from my fiancé who I don't see every day, I have no close friends I can talk to. Someone has suggested I contact Cruse, is this a good idea?
     
  2. Kevinl

    Kevinl Registered User

    Aug 24, 2013
    4,661
    Salford
    Hi Cathy
    I think that if you're asking the question then the answer is probably yes. If you have no close friends to talk to and you're on your own regularly and you're sat there bottling it all up then it is good to talk specially if you're having problems coming to terms with your loss. I've no idea who Cruse are so no comment on them.
    If you're happy to do it say what you want to say on here and why you think you may need counselling.
    K
     
  3. Saffie

    Saffie Registered User

    Mar 26, 2011
    22,490
    Female
    Near Southampton
    Last Autumn, my GP gave me the number of Cruse as she thought it might help if I contacted them. I kept it by my telephone but never phoned. It just gave me the reassurance that it was there if I ever felt the need to ring them.
    I honestly didn't think they could help me but everyone is different and if you think you might benefit from talking to them, then do give it a try. It might really help you. x
     
  4. Spamar

    Spamar Registered User

    Oct 5, 2013
    6,838
    Suffolk
    Our gps surgery has bereavement counselling advertised, try asking at yours. But Cruse should be OK, depends how close they are to you.
     
  5. Cathy67

    Cathy67 Registered User

    Apr 16, 2014
    60
    Essex
    Thanks for the replies. The nearest Cruse is in the next county about 20 miles away. I didn't think about the gp surgery, I suppose I could enquire there.
     
  6. Izzy

    Izzy Volunteer Moderator

    Aug 31, 2003
    58,696
    Female
    Dundee
    Cruse has a telephone support service/helpline. Even though you couldn't make it to their centre it might be a good idea to phone them and see what support you could have over the phone -

    http://www.cruse.org.uk/telephone-support
     
  7. Sammyjo1

    Sammyjo1 Registered User

    Jul 8, 2014
    194
    It sounds as if some kind of support would be helpful to you. You might find that there is a long waiting list for Cruse so while you're waiting, you might like to think about ringing Samaritans as they should be able to help you explore your feelings.

    I hope things get easier for you - bereavement is so unpredictable and everyone experiences it differently.

    Good luck
     
  8. Izzy

    Izzy Volunteer Moderator

    Aug 31, 2003
    58,696
    Female
    Dundee
    That's a good idea. Samaritans has an emotional listening service. The contact details are on this page -

    http://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help-you/contact-us
     
  9. Saffie

    Saffie Registered User

    Mar 26, 2011
    22,490
    Female
    Near Southampton
    There are bereavement services in towns near us and so I would think they exist in most towns. These are not run by Cruse though they are available too. Your GP should have the relevant details.
     
  10. Cathy67

    Cathy67 Registered User

    Apr 16, 2014
    60
    Essex
    Thank you everybody x All this is made doubly difficult as I'm going to have to move out of the house I shared with mum :(
     
  11. Angela T

    Angela T Registered User

    Jul 13, 2014
    187
    France
    hi Cathy,

    I would say that if you are asking yourself the question, then yes, you could benefit from breavement counselling or from talking about your loss (face to face or over the phone).

    You may feel the need now because you are having to leave the house you shared with your mum - that is very traumatic, very final...

    Bereavement can be a very lonely experience - counselling can help us feel less alone and more "normal". It can help us understand what we are going through.

    Take care,
    Angela
     
  12. Chaucer

    Chaucer Registered User

    Jun 16, 2015
    17
    Very good advice from Angela there.

    My mum died in February and I have contacted someone locally for counselling. I feel "ok" but the physical symptoms can be overwhelming. Right now I am totally exhausted and my legs feel so weak. Most of the time, I'm fine and then every few weeks I'm overtaken by tiredness and that scares me.

    We have a local bereavement service in town, but they are not registered counsellors as such. They have training, but are volunteers and normally have other jobs. I feel i need someone qualified in counselling as I need more response than just someone listening to me. I was very scared to contact her, but now I've taken the first step I do feel better. She felt it was early days.
     
  13. Chaucer

    Chaucer Registered User

    Jun 16, 2015
    17
    Also, my Dad moved out of the family home a couple of weeks before my mum died (she was in a home, then hospital) and I really felt the loss of my family home, we'd lived there since I was 3. (I'm 42)

    I think I'm grieving for that home, nearly as much as mum.
     
  14. kingmidas1962

    kingmidas1962 Registered User

    Jun 10, 2012
    3,538
    Female
    South Gloucs
    ....and maybe that's a big part of what you need to share with someone. As well as wanting to 'get it off your chest' there's always the concern of burdening those close to you.

    I'm not sure what your financial situation is but a good way to find a counsellor in your area is via the BACP (British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy) at http://www.bacp.co.uk/

    Many years ago I worked in counsellor training and they were the body which all our counsellors, once qualified, registered with. There's a search facility so you can specify where you live, and if you want a counsellor with a particular specialty.
     
  15. Cathy67

    Cathy67 Registered User

    Apr 16, 2014
    60
    Essex
    Thanks Angela and Chaucer.

    Chaucer - I'm 47 and have lived in the house all my life, and was born in the house too so leaving will be very difficult. Things have been further complicated as one brother (I have 2) has had to move back home due to his job ending. He has been here three months with no sign of a job and says I can't move out until he gets a job. I'm paying the bills out of my sickness benefit and also my wedding, which would have taken place last year if mum had of been well, is on hold too. Such great timing - not!
     
  16. Chaucer

    Chaucer Registered User

    Jun 16, 2015
    17
    Thanks for this. I do think that is part of it. I have found someone on BACP locally and am seeing them on Monday. I'm slightly apprehensive as I saw someone from there years ago, and he turned out to be rather odd. She sounds nice however.

     
  17. kingmidas1962

    kingmidas1962 Registered User

    Jun 10, 2012
    3,538
    Female
    South Gloucs
    I think there are quite a few odd counsellors .... maybe it goes with the territory! I hope this ones good :)
     
  18. Chaucer

    Chaucer Registered User

    Jun 16, 2015
    17
    Yes I think you are right! He was fairly alternative, although it hadn't said that on his details. He use to say that I had angels looking over me, he could see them on my shoulders. I saw him in about 2007 but he's still going!
     
  19. kingmidas1962

    kingmidas1962 Registered User

    Jun 10, 2012
    3,538
    Female
    South Gloucs
    That doesn't sound right at all! I can see why you thought him odd!
     
  20. Chaucer

    Chaucer Registered User

    Jun 16, 2015
    17
    It's kind of made me rather fearful of contacting another, as I suppose i have trust issues, particularly delicate around now obviously.
     

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