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Being honest


Registered User
Dec 10, 2015
Tonight we explained to my MIL that Tom, who has been staying with us, is her grandson. She had thought he was a lodger and we had mistakenly gone along with it and even said his parents lived elsewhere. Now we have been honest she is happy to have him 'back' and we realise she was confused about who we all were. We will be honest in future as she is not distressed about her confusion but happier to be helped to understand who we all are! We said we had made a mistake and thought she was talking about another Tom


Registered User
Jul 21, 2015
That sounds good to me if she can retain that information for his next visit. She is not distressed on hearing she was mistaken is wonderful, as many of us do asyou did and go along with the mistaken identity. My oh often thinks I am someone else on a couple of occasions I have tried to tell him Im me which just really upset him as he said I was trying to play him for a fool.Now I am whoever he wants me to be.


Registered User
Dec 8, 2011
North West
I think that you have to play it by ear depending on your own circumstances. You will find some people who will always be honest and others who will always go along with what the person they care for says. I tend to try not to go down the path of invention which, it seems, can easily get out of hand and even catch you out. Often a bit of distraction works and you don't even need to start spinning an appropriate story. Horses for courses.


Registered User
Apr 24, 2013
I'm in favour of honesty when possible and changing the subject or non commital nods when it's not possible. John's delusions mostly revolve around work and that we are both still employed. In fact we retired in 1996. John was of age and I took early retirement to spend time with him. He loved being retired and travelling etc but over the last couple of years all that is forgotten.

To go along with that pretence just wouldn't work as he starts to sort out his tools and make sandwiches for his packed lunch. Straight talking about his last employer and what we have been doing since usually gets me some peace. As Stanley says do what seems right to you.