Being Forgotten

[thegoodtwin]

Dear All,

One of the great sorrows of loving someone with AD is that one's beloved forgets who one is.

However, despite the immense suffering this causes many I think I may be immune to this.

Before I met my wife-my love, my life was full of misadventures and early on I realised that I was on my own. I would and have accepted the censure of others if I could find praise from my Self.

As of now, my wife-my love, only forgets me on occasion and it unsettles me in as far as it is evidence of her continuing decline. Who knows how I will feel when her forgetting of me is permanent? I am hoping it is a sorrow that never afflicts me.

Clearly, her forgetting of me will be a problem. I am her sole carer. I would not wish for her to be alarmed in any way by the "stranger" in front of her.

I hope no one was been offended by anything in this post as no offence was intended. I just needed to share what I am feeling.

Best wishes,

the goodtwin

 

[canary]

Hello @thegoodtwin and welcome to DTP.

No, no-one will be offended by what you say because we are all either struggling with the same thing, or realise that it is something that we will likely face in the future. I was lucky in that my mum only very rarely did not know who I was - mostly she knew who I was - even if she could not remember my name, or put a word to exactly what our relationship was.

 

[nae sporran]

It is a hard thing to deal with @thegoodtwin. My partner has vascular dementia and once or twice she has forgotten her son within an hour or so of him visiting. If the worst happens and your wife forgets you altogether you have friends here who understand.

 

[jaymor]

My husband lost me two years before he went into a nursing home. I dissapeared altogether over about 4 months. I became the lady who looked after him whilst he wAited for me. For the seven years my husband was at home I looked after him with no help.

It was sad to start with and it hurt me. But he never seemed to have a problem with me being there so as the lady looking after him he wasn’t too troubled. So I decided if he felt comfortable with me, trusted me, then we were lucky.

Bedtime was sometimes a little difficult. Sometimes he would ask me if I was in the right bed or have times when he just accept I was there.

He would ring me on my mobile to see where I was and I was sitting in the chair a couple of feet away answering him. He did once ask me to be quiet as he was talking to his wife. He then started going upstairs so he could ring me and I wouldn’t hear him talking to me ?. He never queried that I, the lady looking after him had the same name as his wife. it really was a weird way of life. I remained the lady who looked after him for a further 4 years.