About 3 hours after arriving at work two weeks ago I needed to go home. I could no longer continue. Physically and emotionally drained`. I saw the GP the next day, who signed me off work for 2 weeks. As well as having prescribed anti depressants the GP has referred me to counselling, the appointment is not until 20 August. I’m due back in work on Wednesday 31 July and am dreading it. I haven’t been able to function for a long time and despite hoping that some time off would help recharge my batteries I feel worse. When my husband was diagnosed I reduced work from 5 to 4 days per week and last year managed to gain approval to work from home 1 day per week. It is just me and him. Apart from me meeting with an Alzheimer’s support worker on a regular basis, there is no-one else. The thought of having someone from SS into our private environment while I’m not at home is just an intolerable thought. It is our private space, our lives that will be invaded, apart from that it is also a tip! I’ve not been able to keep it maintained for a long time. I do realise to some extent I will probably have to change my mindset. I guess I am asking for permission to have some time out to give myself some space to get used to the idea of allowing outsiders into our lives. Perhaps with the help of counselling I can reach the stage that I can agree to having ‘support’ starting with arrangements while I’m there as well. I also need time to think about the state of the house and make arrangements for repairs. We, my husband and I, also need some time to relax. The routine has been work 4 days with a two hour daily commute, 3 days of trying to keep up with basic housekeeping, shopping, dealing with the household admin, maintaining the car and looking after his needs. I believe I have been experiencing anxiety attacks. These subsided somewhat but are recurring at the thought of returning to the situation I found myself in two weeks ago, but equally also at the thought of not returning to work and asking the GP to extend my period of absence. I fear losing my job and our home as well. How to find some guidance to allow us to continue living. Am I being foolish?
Being foolish?
- Thread starter DennyD
- Start date
Thank you cat27 for responding. I try to get short periods of me time where I can to recharge.
Dear Sarahdun, I think that I will have to reduce more hours. It was a real battle to be allowed to work from home 1 day per week. Also dropping a day required quite some reorganisation at work. I'm looking at jobs closer to home, but who will employ a 55 yr old with rheumatoid arthritis and a husband who has Alzheimer's. I will be looking at jobs within the organisation as well though. There has to be a solution. I will summon courage , be bolder and say what I need.
Respite care sounds like a really good idea. Why not call social services and tell them you are unable to manage and your health is suffering. You can also phone your practice and ask for a GP to call you back so you can request a 2 week sick note extension, less daunting and quicker than trying to get appointment. Hope it goes well. Remember you have rights too, and should not have to sacrifice your health in this way x
You will find that the antidepressants could take a while to kick in and I am sure that when they do you will feel much better.
When I was at the worst with my depression, I had to force myself to do anything. I could sit and look at the floor that badly needed cleaning and simply hadn't the energy to do it. Apart from doing what was necessary to care for my husband, nothing else got done.
You need to remember that SS are not there to judge you and in my humble opinion, they have seen it all before. It seems to me that you are being very harsh on yourself. Hopefully, when you are feeling better, you will be able to tidy up a bit which will help you along the road to getting some help.
When I was at the worst with my depression, I had to force myself to do anything. I could sit and look at the floor that badly needed cleaning and simply hadn't the energy to do it. Apart from doing what was necessary to care for my husband, nothing else got done.
You need to remember that SS are not there to judge you and in my humble opinion, they have seen it all before. It seems to me that you are being very harsh on yourself. Hopefully, when you are feeling better, you will be able to tidy up a bit which will help you along the road to getting some help.
HI Lawson58, I do believe it is time I need to help me re-adjust, I think what I am looking for is the permission to have that time but it pains me to acknowledge this.
And you need to forgive yourself for feeling the way you do. When you think about what carers do, what they give up, it is no wonder that things inside us get a bit misdirected at times.
