Been a while

[MichelleE]

Hi, I haven't posted or even visited for 18 months. Mums condition continues to worsen. Her short term memory span is now just a couple of minutes, she makes up stories to fill in the gaps in her memory, she is easily confused, scares easily, accepts no help from her carers other than me and at times is very depressive and argumentative.
Two weeks ago I was told I was going to be made redundant in mid September and finding a new job is not easy.
I may even have to move away to work. What will happen to mum then she misses me like crazy when I'm at work and when I go away for a weekend she gets really upset.
She keeps telling me she will kill herself before she will go to any home.
Life at the moment is not great.

 

[Skye]

Hi Michelle

I'm glad you felt you could come back, TP is still here for you.

You do seem to be having a rough time. Does your mum live with you, or is she in her own home?

It does sound as if she needs more care, but if she won't accept it it's difficult to know what to do. Do social services know how she is deteriorating? If not, could you ask for an assessment?

I'm sorry you're going to lose your job. What will you do if you have to move away? It doesn't sound as if your mum could cope on her own.

I really think you need some proper advice, either from your mum's GP or from SS.

Keep in touch, and let us know how it goes.

Love,

 

[Margarita]

Hi

Must be so emotional hard for you

She keeps telling me she will kill herself before she will go to any hom

Sounds like a bit of emotional blackmail going on they . she Just scared of losing you

At the end of the day you got to look after yourself and live your life the way you want to , and if you think your mother can't live along.......... say no more



I read in your past post , that your mother had someone coming in , what did she stop them all from coming around ?

Do you live with your mother

 

[Áine]

hi michelle, welcome back!

sorry you're in such a difficult situation. there's no easy answers with anything like this.

do you know what you would want? would you like to move away? do you have other reasons to stay (other than caring for mother i mean)? mum might need to go into care whether or not you move away - if you're out at work all day she might not manage. there could well be several different options - albeit none of them ideal. it might help to get some more information and to have a think about what you want most.

do stick around here now you're back - i'm sure there will be people who can help

 

[fearful fiona]

Dear Michelle,

Sorry you're having such a rough time with your Mum. From my experience with my Mum, I wouldn't take the suicide threat too seriously, We had terrible trouble getting my Mum to give up driving and she said that if we took the car away from here she would buy a new one and drive over Beachy Head and end it all. We did of course take the car away from her and apart from getting very angry she did nothing and in fact a year on believes that she herself made the decision to stop driving.

It is difficult when your Mum (and mine) don't seem to want any help except from us, we can't be around all the time can we? I too wish that my Mum would accept help from others, and in fact I shall watch the replies to your post with interest, because we seem to be very much in the same position. I think there is a lot of truth in what Margarita says, because it does feel like emotional blackmail.

I'm so sorry to hear about the redundancy, fingers crossed that things work out the way you would want them too.

 

[MichelleE]

Hi again all.
So more details on mum's condition.
SS are aware but are happy with the situation.
I live with mum in her home having moved back in about two and a half years ago to 'help her'.
Mum has a daily visit on weekdays from AS carers and two visits at the weekend.
I do everything in the house accept for the washing up, mum still does that!
The dementure clinic at the hospital told me they don't want to see her as she refuses treatment.
I have a sister who lives less than half a mile away but refuses to have anything to do with mum or me. Mum has a brother who lives in Wales and that is all the family she has.
Mum les the carers in and is happy to talk to them but if they offer to get her a meal which is what I want them to do there is arguments. Mum complains she is lonely but refuses to go to to a day centre.
Mum thinks that she still has to look after everyone else even though she is incapable of doing so.
Nobody can suggest anything.

 

[Margarita]

Oic , so living with your mother for over 2 years you have became your mother security , she feel safe with you around .

So as the disease progresses she only get more clinging to you .

Its hard , wanting your own life & knowing that the only alternative , for you to have that & move away is for your mother to go into care home .

she may not / never see it like going into care home is for the best , if she not letting anyone beside you help her .

I hope someone can say something better then I .