1. ronyork

    ronyork Registered User

    Apr 28, 2015
    Am I the only one who looks forward to a partner retireing early around 8.30. I feel its the only time I get a little peace and time to myself.
  2. Jessbow

    Jessbow Registered User

    I was my mums full time carer. I longed for her to go to bed, once there she never moved a muscle until I woke her up in the morning at 7am.

    We rarely saw the end of the 6pm news before she was off to bed. I she was having a difficult day, I'd make tea early so by 5.30 ( or even 5 occasionally) she'd be wanting her bed

    My ''me time'' is what kept me going. We all need it, don't feel guilty about it
  3. jeany123

    jeany123 Registered User

    Mar 24, 2012
    My husband will never go to bed himself unless he's not well but I treasure the hour on a morning before I wake him , it is me time and I get upset if he wakes up early, it sounds selfish but I need that time to prepare myself for the day especially if he has had me up a lot during the night,
    Even though he goes to the day centre 3 times a week I feel as though I do housework or shopping most of the time he is out x

    Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
  4. CynthsDaugh

    CynthsDaugh Registered User

    May 5, 2015
    Salford, Lancashire
    I work full time so not a 24/7 carer (Mum goes to daycare while I'm at work), and occasionally Mum will go to bed at 10pm & I have an hour to myself. I do feel guilty at thinking a bit along the lines of 'whey hey', but I do enjoy that hour or so!
  5. ronyork

    ronyork Registered User

    Apr 28, 2015
    Bed Early.

    Nice to know others feel like myself. but those few hours to myself are like a tonic.
  6. Bill Owen

    Bill Owen Registered User

    Feb 17, 2014
    Me to

    my wife has lewy body alz/ she go to care center in the moring / i then pick her up around 1.30 pm .look after her till 5 to 5 3o am. She then wants to go to bed .sleeps till 7 30 am .the next day .
  7. Bill Owen

    Bill Owen Registered User

    Feb 17, 2014
    Me to

    i also put my wife to bed .she like me to cwch her to sleep zzzzzzzzzzzzzz. I then go down stairs . To wash up all of the dish. After tea.and have some .me time but still alone
  8. Waterlilly

    Waterlilly Registered User

    Jul 29, 2015
    southwest London
    I too appreciate 'me time', either early morning or in the evening (it's not the same every day). But I don't feel guilty as I feel if it helps me be a calmer, less stressed carer then it helps Mum too.
  9. Lilac Blossom

    Lilac Blossom Registered User

    Oct 6, 2014
    Hahaha you have the answer to your question - no, you are not the only one Ronyork :)

    Hubby has vascular dementia and boy do I treasure the time after he is in bed.
  10. Stresshead

    Stresshead Registered User

    Sep 13, 2014
    I look after my dad with Alzheimer's full time as he lives with us. I can't wait for him to go to bed between 6 and 7 as that's my time with my husband. Dad wants to go to bed from about 3pm onwards and it's a daily struggle to find ways to keep him up till 6ish . If I let him go now he'll be up and dressed at about 4am !!! For the last 2 hours he has been tutting, smacking his lips, whistling and asking when i am taking him home ........... Biting my tongue so I don't scream aaaaarrrrggghhh !!!!!

    Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
  11. LynneMcV

    LynneMcV Volunteer Moderator

    May 9, 2012
    south-east London
    My husband usually heads for bed around 10.30pm - 11pm with me following about an hour later. I do enjoy his company but I look forward to that time when I can read or watch something on TV by myself. It just gives me the time I need to unwind before bed - then we both sleep right through.

    It's also my habit to get up around 6.30am to get ready for work, have a quiet cuppa and catch up on the news and emails. My husband is usually awake but stays in bed until I go and get the shower ready for him around 7.30am.

    Very occasionally he does get up soon after me - it does make me feel a bit niggly that I've lost out on my quiet time when that happens :)
  12. Rodelinda

    Rodelinda Registered User

    Jun 15, 2015
    Agree - it's the couple of hours before my mother gets up that are very precious; we're early risers luckily. My OH and I have breakfast together and I can do some clearing up and sometimes even get a bit of work under my belt before I'm on breakfast duty. At the other end of the day she doesn't finally get to bed until 11.30 or later so that is a bit of a struggle. So don't feel guilty about the small amount of peace and time for you.
  13. jonorma

    jonorma Registered User

    Jul 30, 2015
    Contented Dementia- in respose to Stresshead message

    I'm just reading this book and despite never liking 'self help' manuals I am finding that if I change my approach in a few of the simple ways suggested it sometimes gives both my mum and myself a rest. 3 simple rules are helping me (which probably and hopefully all professional carers are taught these days);
    1/ Never ask direct questions (How are you? where are you going?- my mum has no idea of how to respond to these questions and this makes for confusion and upset. 2/ 2/ Always agree and play along with any fantasies. I have managed to get rid of imaginary threatening people by 'seeing' them and asking them firmly to leave. The relief on my mam's face when I said they were going was worth the deceit.
    3/ Make general chit chat without much meaning but with the intention of introducing a subject that you know is of interest. You could try something like- 'Yes, I'm nearly ready to take you, i saw an interesting article in todays paper/t.v/ magazine about..... ....his favourite subject.....perhaps you'd like to read it until WE are ready'
    or anything along the lines of diversion being the key.

    The book contains a lot more information, which i haven't managed to read yet, but despite my reservations I have found what it contains surprisingly helpful.
    However, I was very disappointed to realize that if you want to find out more about the methods you are invited to pay money and join some sort of club. It is information that should be freely available as I would imagine that it mostly derives from the experiences of hardworking carers and should be for the benefit of all, not just a clique following.
  14. patsy56

    patsy56 Registered User

    Jan 14, 2015
    Fife Scotland
    we need me time, OH likes to watch TV, I let him watch what he wants even if seen before, I read, have read so many books these days. But yes me time.
  15. tuffydawn

    tuffydawn Registered User

    Mar 30, 2015
    my partner goes to bed about 11.00 in morning for hour or so and i love that hour which is strange as when he is not in bed he does nothing but crosswords but i think it is that i do not have to watch him do nothing which drives me mental or answer the same question again!!!!!!
  16. exhausted 2015

    exhausted 2015 Registered User

    Jul 5, 2015
    stoke on trent
    Me time

    You are definitely not alone in wanting to grab a little time to yourself l am full time carer for my dad and look forward to a few hours at the end of the day to recharge my batteries.. A glass of wine helps too
    Best wishes xx
  17. garnuft

    garnuft Registered User

    Sep 7, 2012
    I love the time when my adult son is in bed.
    He is 27 and so he has LOTS more energy than me (I remember being 27, bring it on!)

    I follow the bedtime routine and when I go to bed the relief is worth a million pounds.
    I am a millionaire every bedtime, it's what keeps you going.

    He goes to bed at the same time as me (he's a person with autism) so I never get the peace of the sitting room on a bedtime unless he is in respite (the most he's had is three nights, so typically, it's only the last night that I feel the pleasure).

    When I was a bairn I had a book of Enid Blyton short stories and one of them was 'We'll stay up all night' ....I often think of that when he's in respite...
    'WHAT shall I do? WHERE will I go? HOW will I fill in the time?

    One day I'll learn how to make the most of my 'free' time...hasn't happened yet, in the meantime my bedtime luxury will do.

    When I slept over Mam's, I'm afraid to say...her night time wanderings in her Jacob Marley nighties, wondering if I was tucked in on the sofa...are the delights of my memories of the hard times. I wouldn't swap 'em for gold. Happy days.
  18. 5 and 2

    5 and 2 Registered User

    Jan 1, 2015
    my husband wants to go to bed about 7-00pm but i know if he does,he,ll be up about 3 in the morning. i try and keep him up till ten even then he wont go without me and gets irritable,so i go with him and have an hour on my kindle (flipping candy crush addictive),that is my downtime love it for now.
  19. JigJog

    JigJog Registered User

    Nov 6, 2013
    Hi 5 and 2,

    This is the second post I have read from you and we seem to be sharing a lot of the same experiences :)

    My husband also likes to go to bed early (It must be all that walking!) but will get up far too early if he does. It's a case of juggling. If he goes early, then I do get some 'me' time but regret it at 4am when he's bouncing around, full of energy and raring to go.

    If I manage to stretch him out until 10pm, then I miss out on the 'me' time.

    Curling up with Candy Crush sounds good to me and a fair compromise!! :)

    Best Wishes,

    JigJog xxx
  20. nov14

    nov14 Registered User

    May 27, 2014
    Goostrey, Cheshire
    I long for 7ish when Mum goes to bed and I can have a bit of peace. I just wish she'd stay there instead of wandering round the house at night.

    Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point

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