Becoming a carer

Discussion in 'Health and wellbeing' started by jelba, Oct 16, 2019.

  1. jelba

    jelba Registered User

    Aug 1, 2012
    169
    Huddersfield
    Dad wants me to be his carer and leave work so he can see his wife up care home. Been at same place for 25 years so giving up my job will be hard. Got a month to decide as dad getting rehab for his stroke. Trying to see my mum every day after work is hard and making me feel tired a lot don't drive so when I leave and get home it's a 13 hour day for me thinking about going every other day to see her but worried about not getting enough fluid food wise she doing OK.
     
  2. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,719
    Kent
    I would think very carefully about giving up work to be a full time carer.
    In the first place it may affect your pension.
    In the second place it may develop into more than you can cope with.
    In the third place if the person you are caring for dies and you have to seek employment again it may be very difficult.
    If your parents are separated and you are visiting them in different locations it will be even more difficult for you.

    Sometimes parents expect too much from their children who, however devoted, deserve a life of their own.
     
  3. Dimpsy

    Dimpsy Registered User

    Sep 2, 2019
    367
    Female
    Don't give up work, that is your life, your independence, your future and frankly, your sanity!

    There will be other people on this forum who will give you ideas to help with your parents care and maybe your employer can help with changing your working hours to suit you; lots of avenues to explore before you make a decision, but if possible, don't give up the day (or night) job!
     
  4. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    10,712
    Female
    South coast
    Mum wanted me to give up work, leave OH and come and live with her to be her carer.
    I didnt do what mum wanted. It was simply not possible as well as something that I didnt want to do. Eventually mum moved into a care home even though she had tried to make me promise that I would never do that. It was actually the best thing that I did for mum - she thrived there, made friends and was happy.

    I think it is a common request. They know deep down that they need extra help (although mum still said that she could do everything herself), but try and cling as hard as they can to their old life, even though it is no longer working. Your dad knows that since he has had a stroke he needs extra help, but is totally unable to see things from your viewpoint. It is a huge thing to ask someone to give up paid employment, but your dad can only see his own need. Find some other way to meet this need and please dont give up your job to look after him - Sylvia has outlined all the pitfalls.
     
  5. TNJJ

    TNJJ Registered User

    May 7, 2019
    639
    Female
    cornwall
    Dad never asked me to give up my job but I did.
    BUT it is a big ask.Im on carers allowance and universal credit and council tax support.It all mounts up but it is not a huge amount.
    I get paid my full stamp into my pension due to all these.

    As you don’t drive it will be even worse.My dad suffered a stroke on his left side and can only walk with a gutter frame.He also has carers in 4times a day.I no longer due personnel care for him as it was beginning to get too much.
    I would think long and hard about it..
     
  6. DennyD

    DennyD Registered User

    It is a very difficult position to be in. As mentioned think carefully, there are positive and negatives, it needs to be your decision. Pensions is the big one for you future security. If you were to leave yr job remember that during your time of caring you will have learnt a lot and added an enormous variety of skills and abilities to your CV that will be transferable to various job roles. As well as the financial uncertainty you will have to deal with, there is also the consideration that a lot of emotional upheaval will present itself. Whatever you decide don't be afraid. All the best to you.
     

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