BBC 1 - Tuesday 20th May 2008 - 22:35PM - Mum and Me

[CraigC]

One Life Special: Mum and Me
BBC 1 - Tuesday 20th May 2008 - 22:35PM

"Filmed over three years, documentary-maker Sue Bourne's film records her mother's struggle with dementia and its effect on the whole family. Once a month, often accompanied by teenage daughter Holly, she travels to the nursing home where Ethel lives. Their conversations are presented in all their raw, tragic and at times funny detail, capturing the full emotional impact of Alzheimer's disease "

More information:
http://entertainment.timesonline.co.uk/tol/arts_and_entertainment/tv_and_radio/article3938456.ece

 

[Brucie]

thanks for the reminder Craig - I have now set up the TV to record it tonight.

 

[Linda Mc]

Just to say it is on later in Wales 11.05pm.

Linda

 

[Margarita]

I shall be watching it .

I thought today was Wednesday thought I had miss it , but Then it click its Tuesday today

 

[lesmisralbles]

Thank's for the reminder

I will be watching.
Thanks Craig
Barb

 

[Mameeskye]

I want to watch it, but I am not sure if I should.

Will it wake the happy memories or will it bring the sadness back?

Will I be glad that it is over or will I feel the emotions that were once there?

I feel that I should because it is support, but fear for what may come out as I am starting to feel happy again and am probably appreciating now what had happened and how badly I felt previously.

A confused Mameeskye

 

[CraigC]

Hi Mameeskye,

I'm going to record and watch tomorrow. It is a bit hard to go to sleep on.

Remember that OFF button, you are in control - well at least with the TV

Kind Regards
Craig

 

[Skye]

I feel that I should because it is support, but fear for what may come out as I am starting to feel happy again and am probably appreciating now what had happened and how badly I felt previously.

Hi Mameeskye

Please don't think you 'should' watch it. In fact, there's no 'should' about this illness, we all have to get through it in the best way we can.

I'm going to record it too. Why don't you do that, and watch it when you think you're ready?

You're sounding so positive just now, and are doing so much to support the society. The last thing you need is an emotional setback.

But if you don't record it, you may one day regret that you didn't watch it.

Just a suggestion. It's your decision, and no-one will criticise.

Love,

 

[taylorcat]

I'm sorry but I don't know what this woman was trying to achieve by filming this. I think it is very, very degrading for her mother and could never allow any relative of mine to be filmed in such a way. We all know it happens and most of us deal with it on a daily basis.

 

[Cloudwatcher]

Taylorcat, I agree with you. I found it quite distasteful and very degrading for Ethel. I can't begin to imagine what this woman was thinking of portraying her Mother in this manner.

 

[Grannie G]

The publicity put emphasis on humour. I found the laughter inappropriate and very unfunny. Nearly all the laughter was at the expense of the mother.

At times I thought the film maker was quite cruel to her mother, asking someone in late middle stages if she wanted to be kept alive or have the machine turned off.

In my opinion it was in bad taste.

 

[lesmisralbles]

Call a spade a spade

It was Cr-P
Talk about act to the camera??
Why did thay not leave the poor women alone
Barb & Ron X
PS Ron watched it with me. he said, why are they hounding that poor women ???

 

[lesmisralbles]

Just sent a complaint to the BBC

So annoyed about this programme
The daughter, I thought she treated her mother with disrespect.
BarbX
More concerned about how her mother looked, and how she ate in front of other people. Get a life.

 

[Grannie G]

Well done Barb. I have complained too.

 

[daughter]

I only caught the last half and hour and found Sue Bourne's problems relating to her Mum very sad, but it was Ethel's amazing sense of humour and empathy (in spite of her AD) that shone through it all. When she did have one teary day she was still trying to protect her daughter from her pain.

 

[carrot]

the lack of sensitivity shown in this programme is breathtaking

I saw the trailers for this documentary and immediately knew I had to watch it. It looked like it was going to be a sensitively filmed programme and what attracted me to it was the humour that shone through between Ethel and Sue.
However by the end of the programme I was very upset and bewildered by the complete lack of sensitivity shown by Sue and her daughter Holly towards Ethel. Their comments became more and more tactless and in fact I felt they completely humiliated Ethel through-out the programme. Ethel looked quite bewildered at times and the jibbing about her wetting herself (and worse) was carried out for the sake of the camera rather than in any way to help this lovely dignified woman. The only time Sue truly connected on an emotional level with her Mum was when she found Ethel upset one day and this was quite a moving section of the programme. Sue and ,especially, her daughter Holly seemed to be constantly aware of the camera's presence and played up to this throughout the programme.
I sat shaking my head at the end of this programme.
Poor Ethel. She deserved to be treated with more respect.
Sue and her daughter have left themselves looking utterly insensitive and uncaring.

 

[CraigC]

Having not seen it my self I feel a little embarrassed about posting the reminder. Will try and view later but your comments have put me off. Franky, I hate anyone being treated with disrespect, particularly when they are vunerable. Will reserve judgement just for now.

Kind Regards
Craig

 

[germain]

Absolutely appreciate everyones comments above.


Watched this with hubby last night and we found it very very difficult - because to us it was so realistic.


Our Mum is dead now but we recognised that we too were insensitive and totally frustrated and irritable at times , we too were sometimes totally obsessed with continence and clothing issues etc.


We too were human and floundering in dealing with the effects of AZ on our lovely Mum.


Perhaps it was "easier" for us because our Mums journey is over ? - but we certainly weren't "saints" at the time and I sort of felt that showing this situation "warts and all" was one little step towards more openness .


Please, please don't anyone think I'm being offensive or trying to be hurtful by putting forward a contradictory view. Just my thoughts today.


regards
Germain

 

[Brucie]

I have it on the Sky+ box.

I'm going to watch it when I have time because I believe I need to make my own decision as to whether it is done well, or not.

I have an amateur technical interest as well as a personal interest, so maybe I can step back a little from the rawness of it and review whether it serves a purpose; maybe I'm in a different stage of caring from other members here; 17 years on this road gives a certain wider perspective, for better or worse.

Poor Ethel. She deserved to be treated with more respect.

and maybe that is the lesson of the programme for society as a whole? In which case it serves a purpose......? Is there any other way, less intrusive, that the harsh message can be spread?

Dementia treats us all with disrespect. There is no way I know of that can show that respectfully, without viewers missing the point.

All just my own thoughts...

 

[Grannie G]

If this poor wonderful lady had been spoken to in a Care Home the way she was spoken to by her daughter, everyone would have been up in arms.

99% of ths so called humour was at the expense of Ethel.