Battling for fathers well being

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by UpWithTheLarks, Oct 16, 2015.

  1. UpWithTheLarks

    UpWithTheLarks Registered User

    Oct 16, 2015
    2
    Sheffield
    I'm new to talking point - and in fact to the whole looking for help/support thing. My Dad was diagnosed with Alzheimer's in March. He thinks there's nothing wrong with him (obviously) and so do alot of people who know him, because he has absolutely no interest in anything and never has had. His life has been about going to work and going to the pub an nothing else. Since my mother died 20 years ago he has had no involvment with his own finances, bills, appointments etc, that's all left to me. He has had a 'lady friend' for 16 years who spends the evening and night and breakfast time with him but they would each do their own thing during the day. Now that my dad can't drive anymore he wants to spend more time with her but she's not really interested,(they don't live together). My problem is that she is obsessed with illness - it's all she ever talks about, but when my Dad needed to go to the hospital she didn't call an ambulance for him, she just held his hand. He's been in hospital for 4 days, when he came out I arranged his medication, food etc and asked if she could just make sure he had the correct medication during the night. When she messed it up I said I would come and give it to him each day and night, she started ranting on about looking after him all these years, anyway - a big row followed. So now I can't be anywhere near the woman - she had had my Dad laid on his back in bed with the weight of a FULL hot water bottle on his lower stomach ALL NIGHT - no wonder he has severe pain this morning. But she never gave him any pain relief. I specifically asked her not to do this. Anyway because my Dad is scared to be in the house on his own at night he insists that she does a good job of looking after him. So my problem is that I need some assistance from somewhere, to tell the pair of them how to go on, because they don't listen to me - but I don't know where to get it from.
     
  2. Cat27

    Cat27 Volunteer Moderator

    Feb 27, 2015
    10,206
    Merseyside
    Welcome to TP :)

    Sorry but if they won't listen to you it's unlikely they'll listen anyone. You're just going to have to bite your lip & deal with her.

    Maybe you going every day to give him his medication will enable you to make headway.
     
  3. UpWithTheLarks

    UpWithTheLarks Registered User

    Oct 16, 2015
    2
    Sheffield
    Thanks Cat27

    I can't get anywhere near. The medication is just to stop him having to go back to hospital for severe constipation AGAIN, (which I believe is related to the alzheimer's)because they just won't listen.

    I think she likes him to be in pain, because if he wasn't she would have nothing to talk about. Someone suggested to me that she might do it to get attention, you know like munchausen. Because her friends husband has alzheimer's and they like to compare notes !

    But, I don't seem to get anywhere with him when she's not there, because of course he can't remember anything.
     
  4. Cat27

    Cat27 Volunteer Moderator

    Feb 27, 2015
    10,206
    Merseyside
    Could you try ringing or writing to his GP detailing your concerns?
     
  5. Bod

    Bod Registered User

    Aug 30, 2013
    1,160
    There comes a time when FULL responsibility, has to be taken for your father.
    Find out exactly what that entails, then have a suitable conversation with the girlfriend.

    Have you got Power of Attorney yet? if not then get it, you will need it at some stage.

    You have my sympathies regarding the girlfriend, my fathers gf. is 78 and a bit of a dragon! but she has his best interests at heart, just comes over wrong.

    At the end of the day, I know, I may have to "pull rank", as next of kin, despite the problems it may cause.


    Bod
     
  6. Mollygoose

    Mollygoose Registered User

    Dec 19, 2014
    52
    Lincolnshire
    Waiting game

    Hang in there ! I think as things progress she won't want to manage and will want you to help ! It's a waiting game I'm afraid ! X
     

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