1. Vivienne3

    Vivienne3 Registered User

    Jan 25, 2010
    57
    Cheshire
    My husband does not like being bathed and refuses to have one, often becoming verbally abusive and pushy. He also will not get undressed/changed and will sleep in the clothes he has had on the day before and refuse to put clean on. He finds dressing/undressing very confusing and stressful. As I work it is very difficult to have the time in the morning and then have the energy at night. We have a carer in the day but they will not put themselves at risk. Obviously in the warm weather this is not the most welcoming situation!!!!!! I have tried 'bubbles', no chance at all with a shower, ducks in bath, shouting, cajouling, pleading and crying and nothing works. Any ideas for me to try this weekend?
    Thanks
     
  2. jeany123

    jeany123 Registered User

    Mar 24, 2012
    19,049
    Durham
  3. jeany123

    jeany123 Registered User

    Mar 24, 2012
    19,049
    Durham
    #3 jeany123, May 25, 2012
    Last edited: May 25, 2012
    Or you could fill a childrens paddling pool in the garden and push him in;) ~~~~~~~~~ONLY JOKING :eek:


    Sorry I know how serious this is, my husband was in respite for a week and he wouldn't change his clothes,they were not allowed to make him and the smell from him was awful when he came home so i do sympathise and hope you find a solution


    Jeany x
     
  4. Grommit

    Grommit Registered User

    Apr 26, 2006
    2,127
    Doncaster
    Had similar problems with my wife except she was frightened of the bath. Could not get in it and could not get out of it.

    We now have a btah with a door and a raising/lowering seat. The only way I can get her in there is to spread a towel over the bath bottom, walk in with her, sit her down and then climb out myself.

    Trouble is, of course,it all takes time which are very short of. Have you tried loud music in the bathroom? That worked for a while with my wife.

    Also tried enticing with a bacon butty and made the bath an eating place which also worked for a while.

    If he refuses to take his clothes off get him in the bath with them on. You can always take them during or after the bath.

    These things are a matter of trial and error. What works for some will not work for others. They are also very frustrating and heartbreaking. Not an easy task.
     
  5. Pheath

    Pheath Registered User

    Dec 31, 2009
    1,096
    UK
    Dad would also flare up terribly while being showered as became v scared of getting water on his body. In the end he either had a sponge wash or we used Oasis Bed Bath Wipes that you just heat in the microwave and don't involve water. Good luck, know what a difficult problem this is to crack.
     
  6. Christin

    Christin Registered User

    Jun 29, 2009
    5,038
    Somerset
    Hello Vivenne, I am sorry to read about your husband refusing to bath. Unfortunately this can be common and quite frustrating for the carer. Sometimes it can come down to the person simply being uncomfortable about removing all their clothes, and keeping a towel around them can help.

    I just wondered if you have seen the AS factsheet which gives some help and advice re Washing and Bathing

    Very best wishes to you both x
     
  7. keane

    keane Registered User

    Sep 9, 2005
    40
    Washing and changing - the use of sedation

    Hi Vivienne

    As the other posters have said, washing and bathing can be extremely challenging especially when the person you care for no longer understands the need to wash. All I can do is tell you what we did and have done with mum (she has had AZ for 12 years now and although has severe AZ is still physically fit) as we have found it really difficult to get any advice on this matter even from our PCT, her consultant psychiatrist and mum's social worker. In the end, as others said you just have to keep trying different approaches. However, it is really important that you keep all services involved and let them know the difficulties you are having so that it can be recorded in your husband's care plan.

    When she first started refusing to change her clothes / wash we would just let her go without, interspersed with attempts at getting her to have a bath/ wash as others have described. We used to try and pretend we were getting ready to go out, put music on even 'accidently' spill water on her so that she would change (everything that has been advised previously). All this takes a lot of time, patience and trial and error. Try to remain calm and cheeerful (I know this is easier said than done) and for my mum maintaining eye contact and saying sorry a lot seemed to help. However, what I also found is that even if one method worked one day it didn't necessarily follow that it worked the next day. The one predictable thing about mum's behaviour was her unpredictability...

    This was all fine up to a point and when mum's behaviour just became so challenging and non compliant it started to become more of an issue because we had to think about her safety and the safety of those people who were washing her. It was also becoming more critical that we could help her to get her changed and washed as she was becoming incontinent. It was therefore decided that mum should be fairly heavily sedated (20mg of diazapam) and we would have at least 3 people (mum was a nurse so fortunately has a lot of nurse friends) who would the help to wash her. We had the bathroom converted to a wetroom so that we can sit mum on a chair and keep her covered at all times using a towel with velcro. We wash her twice a week in the evening so that we can put her straight to bed and she can sleep off the effects of the valium.

    For me, one of the lessons I have learnt is that sedation is a really important part of treating AZ especially when they are going through an extremely agitated phase. Without managed sedation, the whole process of washing would have been dangerous for mum and the carers. We also used what is termed as 'gentle restraint' - this basically meant holding mum's hands to try and stop her hitting us. I have noticed there is very little discussion on the use of sedation and restraint while washing /bathing on any advice sheets but without them mum just would not be washed / changed. I realise that these are extremely sensitive issues which is why all those who care for my mum were always involved in decisions about what to do. The agitated phase does not last forever - mum is now extremely content and takes no sedation now whatsoever even when we wash and change her. It is bitter sweet I suppose in that as the disease gets worse it does actually become easier to care for her. The most difficult phase is the one you are in now. So I suppose my advice would be to use as much sedation as possible and to do the wash at night so that your husband can sleep it off. I really wish that someone would have told us that sooner as, looking back, I think we were all put through a lot of really unecessary distressing situations - as you will get to a point where no amount of cajoling, persuasion diversion tactics will work, all of which all take up a lot of time / energy and emotional distress which quite frankly we could do without when caring for a loved one with this dreadful condition.

    Lots of love xxx
     
  8. Vivienne3

    Vivienne3 Registered User

    Jan 25, 2010
    57
    Cheshire
    Thanks for all your tips. I think we all agree it is very tiring for us and our dear ones. I have now been advised that it is time to let him be looked after professionally and they are talking about taking him into an assessment unit initially when a bed becomes free and then to the CH. Mainly I think as I am looking after him on my own and trying to work as well as he is only 53 and we still have a mortgage etc. Very hard times but as he gets so distressed and threatening sometimes it will be for the best.
    Thanks
     

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