bathing

[rummy]

I never thought about there being different norms for differnet places on bathing ! I guess in the US it is normal to bath once a day. It is pretty much standard for most homes built in the last decade come with a jacuzzi tub so bathing has become popular again over the shower. However, my Mom won't get in hers and prefers to shower. She only weighs 90 lbs and is about 4'6" so the whirlpool bounces her around too much!

Debbie

 

[Brucie]

One of the things about dementia is that spatial awareness tends to get blown. This makes negotiating furniture, doorways etc a challenge.

Think how disturbing it must feel to have to lift up a leg to climb into a bath, even with someone's arm to hold onto!

And the fact the water may not be optimally/comfortably hot/cold.

And the fact the other leg needs to be lifted in too.

Then there's the concern about being trapped in there.

Or being left in there [fears of desertion are common].

Then there is the feeling cold when they get out.

And the need to dry themselves or be dried.

And the thought "I don't need one anyway!"

And the thought "I have to go home soon - there may not be time to have a bath"

And the concern "who is this person that wants to see me with no clothes on"

And just "leave me alone - I have enough to worry about"

...don't forget that their world is not our world.

[and for you guys with showers, I could make a similar list for those too!]

Speaking for myself, I'm not partisan about the bath/shower debate!

I love a long soak, and am just refurbishing the bathroom Jan and I have always used with an extra large bath. Last year I put a double shower into the other bathroom and that has made me adore showering as well.... in season. I think for me that winter = bath, summer = shower, dependant on the weather. Also slow = bath quick = shower, dependant on how much time is available!

 

[cynron]

English Washing Habits

i HAVE A SISTER WHO HAS LIVED IN OZ FOR 40 ODD YEARS.tHE AUSTRALIANS DO CONSIDER THAT THE "POMS"DO NOT WASH ENOUGH, WHEN WE VISITED WE DID FEEL THE NEED TO SHOWER TWICE A DAY BECUASE OF THE HEAT.

A SAYING THEY HAVE IF SOMETHING IS VERY DRY IT IS DRYER THAN A POM'S BATH TOWEL. DESPITE THAT I HAVE ALWAYS FOUND THE AUSTRALIANS TO BE VERY FREINDLY.

MY HUSBAND AND I HAVE VISITED 3 TIMES LAST TIME HE GOT LOST IN MELBOURNE GOT TRAPPED ON A TRAM WHEN DOORS CLOSED ,HE WAS WANDERING FOR TWO HOURS WITH NO MONEY OR WATER. THE POLICE FOUND HIM I JUST SAID TO HIM WHAT SOME PEOPLE WILL DO FOR A RIDE IN A POLICE CAR.
SADLY I THINK WE WILL NOT BE TRAVELLING SO FAR AGAIN.

LOVE CYNRON

 

[Norman]

I say again,the best thing we ever did getting a double shower.
They use less water.
One does not lie in dirty water!
You cannot get stuck in it.
You do not have to lift legs more the 2 inches
You can adjust the heat to suit
I am afraid I cannot answer Brucie's othe reasons,they could apply to a shower also.
Norman

 

[Brucie]

Hi Norman

well of course, my water doesn't get dirty.... so I'm there flat out immersed in lovely clean bubbly water... ah, heaven

Seriously though, here is a list for showers too, so have amended my first list [only a little], as follows:

One of the things about dementia is that spatial awareness tends to get blown. This makes negotiating furniture, doorways etc a challenge.

Think how disturbing it must feel to have to strip off in front of a stranger then walk into a cubicle and have the doors closed, with the person in there with you

And the fact the water may not be optimally/comfortably hot/cold.

and the fact that the water makes an awful hissing noise that makes me scared there is a snake around

and the fact that the water hurts when it hits my skin

And the fact that I might slip and fall

Then there's the concern about being trapped in there.

Or being left in there [fears of desertion are common].

Then there is the feeling cold when I get out.

And the need to dry myself or be dried.

And the thought "I don't need one anyway!"

And the thought "I have to go home soon - there may not be time to have a shower"

And the concern "who is this person that wants to see me with no clothes on"

And just "leave me alone - I have enough to worry about"

...don't forget that their world is not our world.

We all have our preferences, but we all know that someone with dementia may find any option a major challenge.

Bottom line is certainly that a double shower is a clear necessity as it will probably always be the most practical option in our circumstances of caring!

 

[connie]

Oh how I wish I had been blessed with second sight a few years ago.

I had decided to move and Lionel expressed a wish to stay with me. I chose a nice bungalow and decided to adapt the third bedroom to an en-suite.

At the time Lionel had a slight mobility problem, nothing significant. Since that time A.D. diagnosed, mobility failing FAST, but thenhad done the ensuite with a very pretty corner shower.............How I wish I had gone down the route of double shower..............Hindsight, what price? Connie

 

[Sandy]

Bruce - Great list - I can recognise the mind of a programmer at work here!

That exercise - to break something as common place as taking a bath or a shower into all of it's individual steps - is such a good way to analyse why a person with AD might be reacting so negatively.

Each of those steps have the potential for pain, embarassment, failure, fear, etc. Also, the process of undressing and then dressing again can be added to the list - and they can be challenging in their own ways.

Thinking about all those steps, and then seeing them through the eyes of someone who doesn't think they need to go through all that. As Nat has already commented, think about how many small children react negatively to bath times.

In fact, many of the tips on bathing in one book I have on AD are much like the tips in one of my child care books: have everything ready, stick to a routine, warm the room, shallow water level, check water temperature, break activity into steps, be calm but firm. The one different comment was the suggestion to drape a towel over the person's shoulders to keep them warm and give a sense of privacy (not too practical in the shower ).

I don't think that this approach necessarily infantilises people with AD. It's just a recognition that even routine tasks are made up of lots of little tasks that can be difficult for people who are just learning or who have lost some skills they once had. When those little tasks feel too difficult as a whole, the result is often a catastrophic reaction.

Take care,

Sandy

 

[rummy]

We aren't to the point of having to bathe Mom yet but it is coming as I see that she doesn't wash her hair very often and sometimes smells.

Friends...........I don't want to give my Mom a bath. I know when the time comes I'll rise to the occasion, but I'm reading these post and feeling dreadful at the prospect of things ahead.

I just spent an afternoon baking pumpkin bread with Mom and it was almost impossible for her to let me clean the kilchen, I can't imagine how it is going to be trying to clean her.

Gads, please tell me I will adapt

Debbie

 

[connie]

Debbie, believe me YOU WILL ADAPT. Lionel estranged daughter was in touch this week.....she complimented me on the handling of her dad. Comments about "my mum would never have coped so well" fell on deaf ears..........
As I said, if anyone had asked me would I be capable of washing, dressing toiletting etc the man who was my lover 10 short years ago, I would have said NO.NO.NO.
But we do what we must, and we do adapt. It is hard when it is your mum/dad, complete role reversal, but we do it. God bless, Connie

 

[rummy]

Thanks Connie,
This is one of those days I'd like to fold myself up and send myself to somewhere.......like England perhaps. sigh. Well, I will take that one day at a time advice given by so many too and try not to cross bridges until I have to.
Thanks so much.
Deb

 

[angela.robinson]

Hi Connie ,i Have Posted On This Before ,i Would Like To Repeat .for Anyone With The Space ,a Shower Room ,is Fantastic ,i Had A Spare Bedroom ,unfortunatly Jim Had Deteriorated 3 Months After Having This Installed ,and I Could Not Get Him Upstairs, But It Was Brilliant And I Enjoyed Using It Myself ,for His Last 12 Month I Had To Give Him A Stripped Wash Downstairs ,where I Had Moved Our Bed To .he Tolerated This Most Of The Time ,except After He Had Been In Respite , I Think The Key Is Repetition. Angela

 

[Brucie]

Hi Debbie

I suppose that the vaguely redeeming feature is that dementia usually advances inexorably - but quite slowly.

So we don't have normality one day then wake up next day and there is a mother/father/husband/wife who needs washing/toileting 100%.

It can come upon us so slowly, lending a hand here, giving comforting words there, holding clothers maybe, these sorts of things. Over time we may not even notice that we are taking over more and more, then one day it seems quite natural to do the thing that at the start of all of this seemed quite impossible.

This slow transition is perhaps one of the only things about dementia that is helpful to us and our loved one.

In extremis, I think that someone can have a major stroke and go from independence to complete dependence in a very, very short time.

Boy it is hard to work out any positives in this whold mess, isn't it?

 

[rummy]

THanks Brucie for giving it that spin. I am afraid I just think too much !!

 

[Canadian Joanne]

Bathing - ah yes

Deb, don't worry about it. When you come to it, you come to it. My mother can still wash herself, I simply have to coach her "Wet your facecloth, put soap on it, wash your face, etc etc etc" And I'm repeating some steps several times.

My mother is in a nursing home but I will often have her give herself a quick wash at the sink because she stinks. She is becoming incontinent, her toileting habits are dubious at best & it's just the progression of the disease. Even though she is supposed to receive two showers or baths a week and sponge baths every day, it's not so. I am constantly gently but relentlessly nagging the staff.

My mother was so fastidious that she always used TWO faceloths, one for her face & one for her body.

As for the great bath/shower/frequency debate, this Canadian takes several showers a day when it's horribly hot & humid in the summer & am sweating up a storm, but only a couple a week in the winter (very dry skin). OF COURSE, washing all the vital areas at least once a day is mandatory.

Hey, as long as we don't stink, that's the point.