Bank cards - take them away?

[Amanda1954]

Hi everyone, long time since I've posted. While mum remains stable I don't tend to look at TP too often.

However .....

I have EPA for my mum and control bill paying etc. but she still has her own bank cards and shops for herself for day to day stuff etc. Because she isn't allowed to drive too far I always accompany her when she needs more 'serious' shopping, especially for clothes. Clothes shopping is, and always has been, a great joy for my mum!!

I also need to be with her when she shops for clothes because she can't remember what she's got. This is the reason she has 19 white blouses. Anyway, she's going on holiday next week and together we've been through her wardrobe, been shopping for what she'll need and that's that, all done and dusted. Except I've been away myself (just back this week). Before I went I typed a sheet of 'instructions' for while I was away. This included 'DON'T BUY ANYTHING!! WAIT TILL AMANDA RETURNS!!) I expect she buried the paper because I've returned to find she's spent £300 + on clothes "because I needed SOMETHING new for my holiday".

I also noticed in her diary "Collect card from Co-op" and when quizzed she admitted she'd left it behind in the shop. I'm aware she's done this a couple of times recently (how many times when I wasn't aware?) and we also had a panic just before I went away because she'd "lost" both bank cards. I knew they were around somewhere but couldn't find them so had to cancel them for safety and request new ones. Of course they did turn up but it was too late.

All this to say, is it time for me to take the cards away? I don't want to take her independence away before it's necessary but I am concerned about a) security if she's leaving the cards behind in shops, and b) the amount of money she's spending.

Any ideas?
Amanda

 

[Bristolbelle]

bank cards

Amanda I don't have the same sort of problems as you Mum simply has no idea how to use her bank cards or write cheques but she like to feel she has some control. For us it was the sag of always having to find it or her cutting up the replacement card in error on the two occassions we couldn't locate it. However I have overcome this by simply telling her I'll keep it with my card and any time she needs it we will both know where it is. So far this has worked beautifully for us. Hope it helps.

 

[Bristolbelle]

bank cards

Amanda I don't have the same sort of problems as you Mum simply has no idea how to use her bank cards or write cheques but she like to feel she has some control. For us it was the sag of always having to find it or her cutting up the replacement card in error on the two occassions we couldn't locate it. However I have overcome this by simply telling her I'll keep it with my card and any time she needs it we will both know where it is. So far this has worked beautifully for us. Hope it helps.

 

[Lucille]

Hello Amanda

I had similar problems with my mum and the amount of cards the bank were sending through became ridiculous. Mum would cancel one because she'd forget where she'd put it, the new one would arrive, then she'd find the old one, then it would be refused, then she'd forget the number ... I'm telling you, it was like Switch card bingo ... so many PIN numbers, so many bits of plastic! In the end, I asked the bank to put a stop against sending any more Switch cards. Now mum has a card that only enables her to go into the bank where they know her and withdraw cash over the counter. Her spending is much reduced (halleluja!) We also went through the 19 blouses syndrome, 64 bras (I kid you not), drawers full of knickers, duplicate suits. I thought I'd go mad with it all!

I do find her spending increases when she is anxious (along with her repeating), so holidays, Christmas, birthdays, she does tend to have a blip, but I can recognise the pattern now and understand it for what it is. I know from receipts I find that she sometimes forgets she can't use the card in her purse for purchases because the transactions are marked as cancelled. But I just take a deep breath and am grateful that I wasn't there when she no doubt went barmy about them not accepting it.

If you have EPA, the bank should be OK with it. I did ask for a limit for withdrawals on mum's account which they put in place until I asked for it in writing, then they refused and took it off. Saying if mum didn't know how much she was withdrawing, then she wasn't mentally capable and they'd close the account down. I let it drop as she doesn't live near me and leaving her without the means to access money just wasn't an option.

Send me a PM if you need any other advice on this. I think I lost half a stone trying to sort it all out (beat a Weightwatcher's lasagne!) and so if I can offer any advice to someone else ...

Take care

 

[Auntiep]

monthly salary!

Hi Amanda

I'm quite new to TP, but I have managed to sort out the card problem. I keep Mum's with mine as well, and remember the PIN for her and use it for major shopping when I'm with her. I've also arranged a seperate account that she has a passbook for, into which only a small amount each month is paid from her pension - I call it her monthly salary, and she pretty much uses it as she likes. This way I make sure all her bills and essentials are taken care of, but still enable her to keep a little of her independence.

I wish you well!

blessings

Auntie P xx

 

[ChrisH]

Great idea Auntiep, unfortunately it wouldn't work with my mum as I live too far away. I've noticed she's been getting through an awful lot of cash and worry she's being ripped off in shops and restaurants. Her friend tells me she sometimes tips her purse out on the table and asks them to take the appropriate amount!! At least she still remembers her pin no. though she does tend to mumble it as she's putting it into the machine, so I get worried someone will overhear and mug her. She's already had a purse stolen at a Tesco checkout by a gang of 3 women working together to distract her while one dipped into her handbag (which of course would have been open and easy pickings).

I've just put in place Third Party access to her accounts which will take a few more days to get on the system. I've requested a cheque book and card for her current account so she could get people to send bills to me and I'll pay them from her account. I also intend to set up internet banking so I can keep an eye on her accounts for any unusual transactions. That way, if I spot anything I can deal with it from down here. I didn't need an LPA to do this, though I am in the process of setting one up.

Cheque books are a nightmare. "What's the problem. I know how to write a cheque. I've been doing it for years". OK, so why are there several cheques stubs with nothing written on them and why don't you check your bank statements any more, and why does that cheque stub have 'Cash £100' written in someone else's handwriting? (OK the last one could have been someone in the bank writing it on the stub for her - but it did look very similar writing to the stub for £50 for the hairdresser, supposedly for an appointment that she hadn't paid for previously as well as the one on that day).