Bank accounts and conflicts over money

[CardiffGirlInEssex]

My mother was recently diagnosed with mixed dementia, considered mild at present but currently causing a complete nightmare.

My parents have always had a joint bank account. Dad’s pensions (State and occupational) get paid into that, as do Mum’s disability benefits. She is now fighting with him all the time, making his life hell, accusing him of spending all her money and demanding a separate account her own name, I have just had a stroppy phone call from her demanding that I take her to the bank next week to open an account.

In practice, the only bank that she could have an account with is the same one as the joint account, as she has none of the ID documents that would be required by a different bank and no real credit history. I know that I can probably successfully open an account for her online with the bank that has their joint account, but I’m not sure whether I should. It would potentially remove a source of significant conflict between her and my father, but I do not believe she is capable of managing an account herself. She has developed a habit of buying “toot” by mail order whic( could easily get out of hand, I fear. Does anyone else have experience of a similar situation? I am mostly concerned about the impact this is having on Dad, as he is physically disabled himself so can’t get out of the house to get away from her constant accusations.

 

[witts1973]

My mother was recently diagnosed with mixed dementia, considered mild at present but currently causing a complete nightmare.

My parents have always had a joint bank account. Dad’s pensions (State and occupational) get paid into that, as do Mum’s disability benefits. She is now fighting with him all the time, making his life hell, accusing him of spending all her money and demanding a separate account her own name, I have just had a stroppy phone call from her demanding that I take her to the bank next week to open an account.

In practice, the only bank that she could have an account with is the same one as the joint account, as she has none of the ID documents that would be required by a different bank and no real credit history. I know that I can probably successfully open an account for her online with the bank that has their joint account, but I’m not sure whether I should. It would potentially remorneve a source of significant conflict between her and my father, but I do not believe she is capable of managing an account herself. She has developed a habit of buying “toot” by mail order whic( could easily get out of hand, I fear. Does anyone else have experience of a similar situation? I am mostly concerned about the impact this is having on Dad, as he is physically disabled himself so can’t get out of the house to get away from her constant accusations.

Hi have you ever talked about applying for power of attorney,if your mother has mild dementia it would be well advised to put something in place asap to enable you to help her when things progress,if she is judged to still have capacity

 

[CardiffGirlInEssex]

Hi have you ever talked about applying for power of attorney,if your mother has mild dementia it would be well advised to put something in place asap to enable you to help her when things progress,if she is judged to still have capacity

Hi and thanks for this. There is enduring power of attorney in place and it is operational for the joint account. It won’t automatically apply to any new account.

 

[marionq]

Surely if you hold a POA it is for the person and not individual accounts. It may be that you have only given the document to the bank re that one account but your POA should also be able to be used for any other financial matter.

 

[witts1973]

Hi and thanks for this. There is enduring power of attorney in place and it is operational for the joint account. It won’t automatically apply to any new account.

Hi have you ever talked about applying for power of attorney,if your mother has mild dementia it would be well advised to put something in place asap to enable you to help her when things progress,if she is judged to still have capacity

You will have the power to open accounts for your mother though as Marionq says

 

[Beate]

Of course the EPA will be valid for any new account as it should be lodged with that bank already - any problems you just need to show the document again. It's actually a good idea to separate those accounts, especially if one account holder is known to fritter money away.

 

[jugglingmum]

Normally if you remove one source of conflict, another one appears so it isn't worth doing.

But in the case of joint finances, it is a good idea to separate these, as if one needs care and the other doesn't, it can cause issues.

As others have said the EPA is for the person, not the bank account.

Your mum might not remember or understand why she has her own account so it might not solve your immediate problems, but is actually a good idea.

 

[CardiffGirlInEssex]

Surely if you hold a POA it is for the person and not individual accounts. It may be that you have only given the document to the bank re that one account but your POA should also be able to be used for any other financial matter.

Hello Marionq, yes the POA is valid for all accounts but the bank requires their own forms to be completed as well, and signed by Mum, and a fresh certified copy of the POA which has to be sent to her. And at present, she is so paranoid that Dad and I are “stealing” her money (because it is in the joint account for which I do have active POA) that I don’t think she will agree to sign the forms for any new account.

Which then begs the question about the extent to which she truly has capacity in th first place!! I am going to ring her dementia nurse tomorrow for advice I think.

 

[Sirena]

and a fresh certified copy of the POA which has to be sent to her

I'm not sure what you mean? Surely any certified copy of the POA will be sent to the attorney, not to her (I've assumed you're the attorney?) And she wouldn't need to sign any forms, you could open the account for her, and ask for both your mum and yourself to have access to it, then with online access you can easily see what's happening with the money.

But even if you do get her a new account, if she is fixated on money at the moment she may still find reasons to be unhappy about it.

 

[CardiffGirlInEssex]

Thanks for all your responses. I’ve been with my parents for a couple of days and money/bank accounts has not been mentioned at all. I’ve agreed with my dad that if it comes up again, with either of us, we will say she can open an account for herself on line with the particular bank that holds the joint account. She no longer looks at the computer but we feel this is likely to be the least confrontational answer. Will have to wait and see how it goes.