1. Expert Q&A: Protecting a person with dementia from financial abuse - Weds 26 June, 3:30-4:30 pm

    Financial abuse can have serious consequences for a person with dementia. Find out how to protect a person with dementia from financial abuse.

    Sam, our Knowledge Officer (Legal and Welfare Rights) is our expert on this topic. She will be here to answer your questions on Wednesday 26 June between 3:30 - 4:30 pm.

    You can either post questions >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll answer as many as we can on the day.

  1. Jannie

    Jannie Registered User

    Jul 24, 2005
    10
    Following an on going saga regarding the EPA and the way in which my mothers solicitor is dealing with her 'best interests' I bit the bullet and thanks to the support here, contacted the Public Guardianship Office to express my concerns about how my mothers affairs were being handled.
    I really want to share this with you because I am absolutely at a loss for words!
    The PGO requested a reply from the solicitor following receipt of my letter.
    Would you believe that the solicitor has responded referring to me as the 'adopted' daughter and makes several references to the fact!!!! I am absolutely scandalised because the insinuation there is horrendous! The inference is that I am purely a gold digger, an unknown quantity and certainly not a true member of the family!
    It is absolutely AWFUL.
    Has anyone else had similar experiences?
    I wonder if they would similarly discriminate if I was 'a one legged blonde with a parrot on my shoulder' ??!!
    Sorry - I have to make light of it because it hurts so much. Mum would be absolutley horrified. Do they not realise that because I was lucky enough to be adopted by my Mum that, that in itself makes her so, so important to me and the fear of losing her so can't face it, awful?
    I need some support on this one.....please respond.
     
  2. blue sea

    blue sea Registered User

    Aug 24, 2005
    270
    England
    Jannie

    It is so hard to deal with insensitive responses from people when you are stressed and at a low ebb. Hang on to the fact you are doing the very best you can for your mum. Stick in there. You know how much your mum loves you and you her - being adopted doesn't make an iota of difference to that, in fact as you say it makes your relationship even more special.

    Thinking of you
    blue sea
     
  3. Norman

    Norman Registered User

    Oct 9, 2003
    4,348
    Birmingham Hades
    Jannie
    I would think this soliciitor has got the hump because you contacted the PGA.
    He/she is probably being childish and spiteful.
    I am not sure of the law but I understand that you as an adopted Daugter would have the same rights as the rest of the family.
    Hope it all goes alright for you
    Norman
     
  4. connie

    connie Registered User

    Mar 7, 2004
    9,519
    Frinton-on-Sea
    Dear Jannie, can't imagine how you must be feeling. I have had several issues with the P.G.O. over issues regarding Enduring Power of Attorney, so I would say just state your case as concisely as possible, and disregard any info. from the solicitor. You would think that these issues would be dealth with with some insight and sympathy, but that has not been my experience.
    Thinking of you, Connie
     
  5. jc141265

    jc141265 Registered User

    Sep 16, 2005
    836
    Australia
    Jannie,

    Referring to your being adopted is both disgusting and ridiculous. I know the pain you feel from the discrimination as I feel it the other way quite regularly, being a step-mother apparently is not worth a cent despite trying your hardest to be the best mother one can be, for no reason but because it is the right thing to do and to continually get slapped in the face for having no biological link.

    The case of adoption is even more ridiculous as a basis for discrimination, your mother chose you, you have been her daughter all your life and as long as any biological daughter would have been and even if you were adopted later are they suggesting that a biological link is more important than love and understanding?? A husband or a wife seeking EPA has no biological link. You stay strong, they are just using mean and dirty tactics and it is the equivalent of spitting on your relationship with your mother.

    Its ridiculous that it hurts isn't it, even though you know they are the ones who are 'the bad guys'. Chin-up they don't realise the strength a TP member has, nobody should mess with us, we make trips to hell on a regular basis and still manage to smile on a good day, they're messing with the strongest of the strong, you don't get a tougher mettle than this! ;) We might appear weak and frail because of the hell we're going through and sometimes a blow like this can feel like the last straw, but we have love for our family members and thats what keeps us going.
     
  6. Finnian

    Finnian Registered User

    Sep 26, 2005
    60
    U.K.
    Jannie,
    Could this simply be "lawyer speak"? My husband was adopted and all his parents' wills / instructions repeated the phrase even though the family missed it out.

    Finnian
     
  7. Lynne

    Lynne Registered User

    Jun 3, 2005
    3,433
    Suffolk,England
    Jannie - I tend to agree with Finnian on this one. My brother is adopted (by my father) and this fact still tends to pop up in unexpected places & documents - my brother is 61 years old!!!

    Without wishing to sound unkind, could you be being TOO sensitive about the fact, which is distracting you from the more important things in hand? No offence meant.
     
  8. Kathleen

    Kathleen Registered User

    Mar 12, 2005
    639
    West Sussex
    I understand that lawyers and solicitors use the phrase adopted only to show that the person has the same legal rights as a child born to the couple.
    It is a legal requirement and in no way meant to imply you are not a true member of the family.
    Unfortunately this has upset you and perhaps if you complain about it you will receive an explanation of the exact reason why the letter was worded as it was.
    Hope you feel better about it all now.
    Kathleen
     

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