Bad morning - emotional support needed.

[hvml]

I'm not sure if Dad has had a TIA in the night but things are not going smoothly. He has recently been able to stand from the bed, for me to change his pull ups and wash him. Not today. My brother and his partner helped me get him into the wheelchair with the electric stand aid. That went well, but he is now leaning to one side, although talking normally.

I said to my brother - I don't have a good feeling about today and his brusque response was - you have got the hoist, you have got the stand aid, you have got the wheeled commode, where is the problem. He went off muttering 'God'. I am fuming at the complete lack of emotional support or empathy for me or my Dad. My head feels like it is boiling. I suffer from bi polar disorder, so am a bit extra sensitive and prone to stress. I have since been told that his back is hurting and he didn't get much sleep, but still....how can I make an attempt to get some little emotional support? Or do I just have to look elsewhere?

Heidi xx

 

[Quilty]

Hello Heidi, im nit in your situation as my mum is in a care home. I do understand the emotional impact of being a carer. I think only other carers past and present really understand. You are worried about your Dad because you care for him so much. As carers we all know what the bad days are like. Hopefully others will come here to support. You are a hero in my eyes. Its just a shame your brother cant see it. I hope tomorrow is a better day. Your doing a great job and im sure it means everythkng to your dad, even if he cant say it. Sending you a big cyber hug and virtual tea and biscuits. Stay strong. We arexall here for you. Xx quilty

 

[hvml]

Thanks so much Quilty. I really need the hug!! Dad has had his breakfast and enjoyed it, but is still leaning to one side. The others have left for work and I am cooling down. My brother is supportive on a practical level, so I should be satisfied with that I guess. A leopard can't change its spots!!

Xx

 

[cobden28]

If you think there's a chance that your Dad may have had a TIA during the night, then it's a 999 jobbie for sure - I've had a stroke plus TIA's myself and this is what I've always been told by my local hospital. While your dad is in hospital, he can also have any other medical conditions checked over and his medications sorted out if needs be, so do please dial 999.

Stroke, or potential stroke, should always be regarded as a medical emergency.

 

[susanh13]

Heidi, you have to look else where for support. My brother is the same. We have live in carers for my mum who doesn't walk but is hoisted with 2 ceiling hoists which I have arranged. I run two homes seeing to everything. He thinks by ringing a couple of times a week and saying hello but she can't hold a conversation now, he is doing his bit. He has not been down for Christmas Day for 10 years since my dad died and when I challenged him his reply was I know. I told him I wasn't in a good place at that moment and was crying but nothing since checking how I am. In my opinion and experience your brother won't change so find another relative/friend. Two of my cousins wrote to my brother and I got the back lash from him for that. It's very hard as you are probably like me think that he should be. But let it go now as it only eats away and makes you ill. Perhaps you could join a carers group or a dementia cafe for like minded support/understanding. Don't keep hoping he will change HE WON'T. Look after yourself, I wish you well on this destructive journey. Keep writing here also for support.

 

[hvml]

Thanks for that information cobden28. My brother's partner always says - they won't do anything. He has just woken up after a nap and is now sitting straighter, drinking his tea. I think I may have been wrong and that he has tired due to a bad night. The nurse is coming this morning to change his ankle dressing, so I will take advice. Xx

 

[hvml]

Hi susanh13. I have to admit that you are right. He has always been emotionally distant, so....... I won't dwell on it. Only last week, a cousin and his wife said - if you ever need to let off steam, we have been through it ourselves. I'll take them up on their offer and keep an even keel. Xx

 

[cobden28]

Thanks for that information cobden28. My brother's partner always says - they won't do anything. He has just woken up after a nap and is now sitting straighter, drinking his tea. I think I may have been wrong and that he has tired due to a bad night. The nurse is coming this morning to change his ankle dressing, so I will take advice. Xx

You MUST dial 999 NOW - if in doubt, get checked out - and with some types of stroke, time is a vital factor for getting treatment started! I'm speaking from personal experience here.

 

[hvml]

Thanks for your help cobden28. I called 999 and am waiting for the paramedics. Dad is woozy, but watching TV, so as you say, if in doubt.....thanks again.

 

[jojop]

I'm not sure if Dad has had a TIA in the night but things are not going smoothly. He has recently been able to stand from the bed, for me to change his pull ups and wash him. Not today. My brother and his partner helped me get him into the wheelchair with the electric stand aid. That went well, but he is now leaning to one side, although talking normally.

I said to my brother - I don't have a good feeling about today and his brusque response was - you have got the hoist, you have got the stand aid, you have got the wheeled commode, where is the problem. He went off muttering 'God'. I am fuming at the complete lack of emotional support or empathy for me or my Dad. My head feels like it is boiling. I suffer from bi polar disorder, so am a bit extra sensitive and prone to stress. I have since been told that his back is hurting and he didn't get much sleep, but still....how can I make an attempt to get some little emotional support? Or do I just have to look elsewhere?

Heidi xx

Hi Heidi,

Sorry to hear you have had a rough morning, hope your dad has perked up a bit. The nurse will be able to reassure you and you never know may even be able to give a real hug, that'll be a bonus on top of the virtual hugs we are sending to you. Definitely use your cousin and his wife for some more emotional support, it's good to know they are there for you.
Let us know how her visit went,

Hugs to you and your dad, xxx

 

[joggyb]

I'm not sure if Dad has had a TIA in the night but things are not going smoothly. He has recently been able to stand from the bed, for me to change his pull ups and wash him. Not today. My brother and his partner helped me get him into the wheelchair with the electric stand aid. That went well, but he is now leaning to one side, although talking normally.

I said to my brother - I don't have a good feeling about today and his brusque response was - you have got the hoist, you have got the stand aid, you have got the wheeled commode, where is the problem. He went off muttering 'God'. I am fuming at the complete lack of emotional support or empathy for me or my Dad. My head feels like it is boiling. I suffer from bi polar disorder, so am a bit extra sensitive and prone to stress. I have since been told that his back is hurting and he didn't get much sleep, but still....how can I make an attempt to get some little emotional support? Or do I just have to look elsewhere?

Heidi xx

Just wanted to say that if he's leaning to one side, it may be a sign that he's constipated. I only found out that the two were connected when visiting my dad one day - the dementia nurse told me it's quite common for someone with dementia to lean when constipated. I'd never heard or seen of it before.

 

[hvml]

Hi all. The paramedics have just been to check Dad over thoroughly and were happy to leave him in my care. They said that as he has had TIAs before, it's possible he had one this morning, or it could have been low blood sugar. Should I give him a biscuit or something first thing, when he first gets up? He has now gone to sleep and we are waiting for the nurses. Thanks again cobden28 for giving me the benefit of your experience. Next time it happens, I won't hesitate.

Hi jojo. I have got a few phone calls to make this afternoon and my cousin is at the top of the list. I think my brother is preoccupied with his back and doesn't have any spare patience for me. He tends to be snappy as a default setting. His partner is equally business like and even my OH tends towards the practical, so.........emotional support is in short supply. The nurse is due any time soon, so I am just having a coffee and a sit before starting lunch. Xx

 

[CeliaW]

Hiya - might be worth contacting the Admiral Nurses for some support ? http://www.cornwallcare.com/admiral-nurses/

Certainly might help to give your Dad something to eat first thing, maybe some biscuits with his first drink?

Hope you get help from nurses.

Hugs xx

 

[hvml]

Hi Celia
thanks very much for that. I'll definitely look into it. After the day I have had, every hug is sooooo welcome! I have even put on my late Mum's warm winter fleece so that I can feel her hugging me too. Xx

 

[hvml]

Dad has slept all afternoon and is in bed now. We got a new ramp to get the wheelchair up a couple steps, which made a big difference. I'm glad I got the paramedics out, even if Dad's symptoms had improved by then and he was the life and soul of the party . I'm going to try giving him a milkshake to take his tablets with first thing and see if that improves things in terms of low blood sugar. He does go a long time between tea and breakfast.

The family have been very supportive tonight and we all played a part in getting Dad ready for bed. My brother is in a lot of pain with his back and has not been sleeping well, so I will have to bear that in mind in the mornings. Xx

 

[hvml]

Spoke too soon about the sleeping. He has started shouting in the night again. And removing all the bedclothes from his bed

 

[jojop]

Spoke too soon about the sleeping. He has started shouting in the night again. And removing all the bedclothes from his bed

Oh Heidi, sorry to hear that hope your dad is okay? Hope you are too? Disturbed nights are not good (I had another bad night last night but that's another story). Hope your day goes well and you manage to rest, catch up with you later xxx

 

[Lilac Blossom]

For a few weeks hubby has been shouting during the night - asleep one moment then shouting the next. I hope this is a phase which will pass soon !

 

[hvml]

Hiya Lilac blossom. Dad was up again last night and took all the bedding off his bed. He was awake all day today, so I am hoping that will be enough for him to sleep better tonight. I'm hoping it is a phase too and that if I can do enough to keep him awake especially afternoons, he will reverse back to 'normal'.

Hi jojo. I can sympathise with you even more now. Back to the old red eye. In this case, it's literally, as I am up at silly o clock ( or I should say, we all are) as I am on the early bird bus to the smoke for my early Christmas weekend!!

Dad is fine - he has been walking and getting up really well and we sang some folk songs and played recorders this afternoon. All in an attempt to keep him awake and it worked. We will see how he sleeps now. Sorry to hear that you have had another bad one. Keep putting your feet up during the day and - always put off till tomorrow what you can do today!!
I'll be off line over the weekend as Chico hasn't got WiFi. Look after yourself.

Heidi xx xx

 

[exhausted 2015]

Dad has slept all afternoon and is in bed now. We got a new ramp to get the wheelchair up a couple steps, which made a big difference. I'm glad I got the paramedics out, even if Dad's symptoms had improved by then and he was the life and soul of the party . I'm going to try giving him a milkshake to take his tablets with first thing and see if that improves things in terms of low blood sugar. He does go a long time between tea and breakfast.

The family have been very supportive tonight and we all played a part in getting Dad ready for bed. My brother is in a lot of pain with his back and has not been sleeping well, so I will have to bear that in mind in the mornings. Xx

Hope you and dad have a better day tomorrow.. My best wishes exhausted 2015 xx