Bad Day

[Del24]

Had bad day today wife recovering from UTI refusing to take antibiotics and to eat dinner.
Had to persevere to do diabetic injection.
Refusing to help me move her and get her ready for bed and due to her lack of mobility it meant lifting a limp weight.
I got away with just a few pinches and a bruise but lots of swearing and name calling from her.
Wives can be just as aggressive as male partners.

 

[Quilty]

Sorry you have had such a bad day. Hopefully tomorrow will be better. Sorry i cant be of more help.

 

[Sue J]

Sorry your day has been difficult Del. Its hard getting that uti under control isn't it. I hope you have a reasonable night and tomorrow is better.
Best wishes
Sue

 

[CollegeGirl]

So sorry to hear that you've had a bad day, Del. My mam used to be aggressive like your wife, and my poor dad had a lot to put up with. She is now on a minute dose of risperidone and the aggression stopped, thankfully.

I do hope you can find something that will help.

 

[Lilac Blossom]

Hope today has brought some improvement Del. UTI's are such a trial to deal with and I know what you mean when trying to get OH to co-operate, hubby is the same, and it's jolly hard work!

 

[LizK]

I too had a bad day Sunday. It started with my husband having defaecated into his hands and putting it in a container in his bedroom. The container was smeared all over and his hands were caked with it. I cleaned him up and showered him and stripped the bed as he had touched the duvet cover and washed the bedding and his night clothes. I was expecting my son and grandsons for lunch, so took him to the toilet 10 min before they were due. He defaecated again and smeared it on his legs, hands and toilet seat. I just got it cleared before they arrived.

After lunch he went to bed, and when I got him up 2 hours later he'd wet the bed despite wearing padded pants as protection and with it all his clean clothes. It's bad enough when it's just me, but it's embarrassing in front of 12 and 9 year old children. He's also much stronger than me, and if he resists my efforts, there isn't much I can do about it. He hates to wash his hands properly and will only dabble his finger tips in the water: I have to force his hands down against his will which hurts my arthritic fingers. Sometimes I think I hate him. He's systematically ruining our home. I peer at every surface in case it's stained by him.

Liz

 

[Shedrech]

Had bad day today wife recovering from UTI refusing to take antibiotics and to eat dinner.
Had to persevere to do diabetic injection.
Refusing to help me move her and get her ready for bed and due to her lack of mobility it meant lifting a limp weight.
I got away with just a few pinches and a bruise but lots of swearing and name calling from her.
Wives can be just as aggressive as male partners.

Hi Del24
what a difficult evening for you both - with inhibitions gone, sadly we're all capable of being aggressive, especially when frightened or angry

maybe it's worth having a chat with her GP, sometimes meds can be taken as a liquid and therefore hidden in a drink - and to see if there is any other way of administering the insulin - ask if there is something to help your wife keep calm, so she's not anxious and aggressive and you are able to help her without putting yourself at risk (maybe a care visit from a nurse, to do the injections, might help - is your wife more willing for someone in a uniform to give her the meds?)

I would have suggested that one missed meal is not that important, but I guess this isn't the case with a diabetic, though I'm wondering if a snack of some kind would be acceptable instead, maybe a cup of soup? - again, have a word with the GP, as it looks as though you need some options, so that you can pick your battles

I do wonder if just letting her sleep in her clothes, in her chair or on a settee, would be OK for one night, too - my dad had an electric recliner chair so could almost lay flat in it to have a nap (though I wouldn't leave him with the footrest up, I have to admit) - it also raised up to support him into a standing position so that he didn't have to make the effort of pulling himself up - please, you mustn't be lifting your wife as a 'dead weight', especially if she may struggle (do you have an emergency pendant so that if necessary you can call for help without having to be near a phone?) - maybe ask the GP about mobility aids too

I hope today goes better

 

[Shedrech]

I too had a bad day Sunday. It started with my husband having defaecated into his hands and putting it in a container in his bedroom. The container was smeared all over and his hands were caked with it. I cleaned him up and showered him and stripped the bed as he had touched the duvet cover and washed the bedding and his night clothes. I was expecting my son and grandsons for lunch, so took him to the toilet 10 min before they were due. He defaecated again and smeared it on his legs, hands and toilet seat. I just got it cleared before they arrived.

After lunch he went to bed, and when I got him up 2 hours later he'd wet the bed despite wearing padded pants as protection and with it all his clean clothes. It's bad enough when it's just me, but it's embarrassing in front of 12 and 9 year old children. He's also much stronger than me, and if he resists my efforts, there isn't much I can do about it. He hates to wash his hands properly and will only dabble his finger tips in the water: I have to force his hands down against his will which hurts my arthritic fingers. Sometimes I think I hate him. He's systematically ruining our home. I peer at every surface in case it's stained by him.

Liz

Hi LizK
my gosh, not the sunday you'd hoped for

may I gently suggest that you need a break, from your posts, this has ben going on quite some time and sounds wholly dispiriting - you must be worn out
please consider contacting your LA Adult Services and saying you are almost breaking down and need more support - let them know exactly what is happening and ask for some respite
it's lovely that family came round for sunday lunch - a lot of work for you, though - maybe they could bring a buffet style lunch with them, instead, so you have no preparation to do - or are you able to go to their house for a complete break (I'm guessing this is tricky with your husband's behaviour)
are your family aware of how things are for you - please don't be like my parents and 'not want to bother' them - I was tearing my hair out because I wanted to help!
please do go and have a chat with your GP, they need to know that you are at the end of your tether, YOU deserve support

best wishes

 

[LizK]

A nice post from Shedrech which makes me feel better. Often I feel I'm not behaving as well as I should. I'm angry and short tempered and should know better. Peter was a quiet gentle man who doesn't deserve a shrew of a wife, but we do what we can. His sons remember their Dad who mended their cars and taught and helped them do DIY for their first home. I only remember 10 years of repeating myself endlessly and not leading a life of my own.

Liz

 

[Del24]

We all have good day's and bad day's although the bad day's seem to be getting more frequant.
Things have settled down for us at the moment so no extra clothes or bedding to wash thank goodness I purchased a washing machine last year.

 

[Casbow]

LizK Hi

I too had a bad day Sunday. It started with my husband having defaecated into his hands and putting it in a container in his bedroom. The container was smeared all over and his hands were caked with it. I cleaned him up and showered him and stripped the bed as he had touched the duvet cover and washed the bedding and his night clothes. I was expecting my son and grandsons for lunch, so took him to the toilet 10 min before they were due. He defaecated again and smeared it on his legs, hands and toilet seat. I just got it cleared before they arrived.

After lunch he went to bed, and when I got him up 2 hours later he'd wet the bed despite wearing padded pants as protection and with it all his clean clothes. It's bad enough when it's just me, but it's embarrassing in front of 12 and 9 year old children. He's also much stronger than me, and if he resists my efforts, there isn't much I can do about it. He hates to wash his hands properly and will only dabble his finger tips in the water: I have to force his hands down against his will which hurts my arthritic fingers. Sometimes I think I hate him. He's systematically ruining our home. I peer at every surface in case it's stained by him.

Liz

I don't think I could cope with what you have had to deal with unless it was not what usually happens. If toileting is always a problem in this way I think it will break you. Perhaps it is time you asked for a new assessment to see what other help there is. Maybe the time has come for him to go to a care home. There is only so much you can take. I had my husband with incontinence problems for a few days. His was caused by new medication which took nearly 6 weeks to work, but when it did it has been a blessing. But at the time it was awful trying to deal with the incontinence. So sorry for you dealing with this. Try to get some advice from Doctor or social worker. Good luck.xx

 

[LizK]

No it's not a one off. The faecal smearing has been going on since September. I've found it in a waste paper bin, in a bucket, in the food recycling, in potpourri and stuffed down the kitchen sink and cloakroom sink. He's also used my flannel to wipe his bottom and flushed it blocking the toilet. That was fun! I've had 2 lots of bed linen to wash in 2 days along with pyjamas and vests and he is violent to me especially in the evenings. He is in the severe phase according to the psychiatrist and it won't be long before he's in full time care. I don't have any help as I need it about 6.30am and after 9.00pm when carers have finished for the day. We have been married 51 years and he was a lovely Dad to our sons. I remember the youngest missing the last coach after a pop concert in London. He phoned us, and Peter got out of bed, dressed and without a word set off for Hammersmith to pick him and his friend up. Peter was a quiet gentle man who seldom was angry and certainly never tried to hit me or our sons. I try to remember that when he behaves like a child.
Liz