Bad Day

[JulesLK]

It's been a bad day today for my Dad ... but in hindsight it has been building for a while now. My Mum has poor mobility but copes on a day-to-day basis and I try to do what I can i.e. shopping, doctors, hospital runs and general support. I call around as often as I can and always ring everyday to make sure they are both okay. It also gives my mum the opportunity to talk to someone as unfortunately we get little conversation from my Dad.

Problem is my Dad doesn't like my Mum talking on the phone. He's quite paranoid and tries all sorts of behavioural tactics to get her to stop. Today he became very aggressive ... shouting and swearing and threatening to hit her. He'd already spoken to me on the phone, but then seemed to have forgotten it was me.

It was very distressing to listen to and I could hear my Mum telling him to stop pushing her. I immediately drove over to make sure she was alright, but I don't know what else to do. My Mum doesn't want the doctor involved and says it's just a tantrum. But I do worry.

Anyway thank you for giving me the opportunity to have a rant ..... sometimes it's what you need.

Jules

 

[BeckyJan]

Feel truly sorry for the situation.

My husband would also go bezerk if he knew how much I used the phone behind his back!! Thank God for a Panasonic thing where I can walk around. He does not know half of the conversations I have - just include him as and when I need to. My lifeline is having reasonable conversations with friends outside this restriction zone!!.

Its one of portable ones so I can walk around and disappear with it - even into the garden - modern technology is wonderful.

If that info is of no use what about a mobile (a bit more expensive but maybe worthwhile in the circs??!!). Our daughters text me regularly and gosh how do I value that!!

Not sure if this helps but at least you know others are in similar circs.

Glad you could 'rant' here.

Best wishes Jan

 

[blue sea]

Jan's suggestion sounds really good. Yous dad has probabaly lost his understanding of what a phone call means so he will be feeling confused and shut out when your mum is on the phone. Difficult times for you all.
Blue sea

 

[elaineo2]

Hi ther,My dad won't entertaina phone,if mums mobile is ringing and she isn't about he just leaves it to ring.I do know how your mum must be feeling though.When i ring mum i start off with asking how she is,then hows dad?i can hear him in the background asking who it is on the phone,what do they want?She will tell him that its me and ask if he wants to speak to me and then all goes quite for a minute.More often than not if mum phones me she does it from her bedroom or she will ring me back when i call her.she just gets out of his way.its terrible i know but needs must sometimes.love elainex

 

[JulesLK]

Thank you for your messages ...... it is a difficult situation and I do so want to support my mum. I can tell you I was shaking when I got home yesterday afternoon

This morning (after a sleepless night) I decided to ring the Day Care Centre my Dad attends three days a week to let them know how aggressive and physical he has become. They were really helpful, thanked me for letting them know and told me that they had noticed he had been shouting at the other members at the Centre and had on one occasion thrown chairs around. They told me they will review his medication with the doctor who calls every week and come back to us. Feel a bit like I have betrayed him, but my mum is my priority at the moment.

Jules

 

[Grannie G]

No Jules you haven`t betrayed him.

The father you had would have been horrified if he thought he would become aggressive towards your mother.

The phone is a life line for me too, and your mother needs as much time as she can get, talking to people and being supported.

If he`s becoming more physical at the day centre too, it`s not good for anyone, least of all your father.

Take care xx

 

[JulesLK]

Thank you for your words of support Grannie G .... I love my parents equally, but know that at the moment, my mother needs my support the most. I still continue to ring my mother (making sure I speak to my father as well), but he has completely forgotten the trauma of last Sunday morning. I have bought her a phone where she can move from room to room, but my father does follow her and with her limited mobility, it is still a problem. But we learn to deal with situations and restriction amazingly well .... no choice really !!

Jules

 

[Grannie G]

Dear Jules,

Would it help if your father had an extension to the phone, so he could hear your conversation? I used to give my husband the extension, when our son phoned, but he soon got bored and put it down, so then we could talk in peace.

There might be a bit of paranoia there, thinking you are talking about him [which you probably are] but is it worth a try?

Just a thought.

Love xx