Hello roann
You tell your story so eloquently, and it is very poignant.
I think it is a little similar when a spouse has moved permanently to a care home and is in an advanced stage of dementia. I will find out in time, unfortunately.
Whether it is a garden and its flowers, a favourite picture on the wall or piece of furniture, a photograph, a treasured walk, an item of clothing or jewelry, a song, a type of food, a TV programme, the car you bought together but will need to be replaced - any or all these things spin us into sad moments of what were, and can no longer be - and can never be again.
I have learned to bend things to make them more bearable.
When I moved home last year, I brought some plants that Jan and I had put in during the 90s. When I see them in the garden, they don't bring me down any more - they are part of Jan. So if I talk to them occasionally, it is just to say "what a lovely day, Jan"
When I pass things in the house with similar memories, I treat them the same way. Jan is all around me, and not only when i go and visit her.
It will be different of course when she passes on, and I'll cross that one when I come to it. I'll try and find a way to come to terms, because I know there is a huge difference between someone being so badly damaged by dementia but still being there in body, and their not being there.
13 weeks is nothing is it? Jan and I were married for 33 years before she moved to the home in 2001, and it all seemed the blink of an eye. Still does really.
Take care and do come here to TP as often as you want and need.