1. Jase

    Jase Registered User

    Sep 25, 2008
    63
    West Yorkshire
    Hi everyone
    I haven't been around in a while but had a bad day today and didn't really know where else to go.
    My mum is 60 and was diagnosed with vascular dementia last year after years of being treated for depression.
    Today I called at lunch time as I usually do to find mum in tears, she had tried to do some ironing but was struggling. When it turns out she can't make a sandwich anymore (I do help with meals but she has been telling fibs about managing some things)
    How bloody unfair that at 60 years old, a wonderful and capable wife and mother should be robbed of the ability just to make herself a sandwich. I cannot imagine how she must feel and to be honest I don't want to imagine because I could crumble just thinking how scared and frustrated she must be.
    Mum has never easily shown emotion and affection so even as she's crying and I'm trying to hold her she is pulling away.
    I know we're all at different places and have different things to face each day but today was a heart break day for me.
    I want to scream, I want to cry, I want to shake someone, be able to blame someone. One of the hard things is seeing the deterioration but not being able to do anything about it. The last 12 months have seen a massive change in mum and we've all had to face things we haven't wanted to. Dad is visibly struggling with it all, he says his wife isn't really there anymore but she's his sweetheart and he loves her so much.
    I am so bloody angry!

    Sorry all for ranting xxx
     
  2. louise@weinprop

    louise@weinprop Registered User

    May 12, 2005
    22
    Hi Jase - Please don't apologise for ranting, I know exactly how you feel. My husband was only 58 when he was eventually diagnosed after being treated for depression initially. I battled along trying to look after him and work until 6 months ago and eventually had to place him in a Alzheimers Care Centre. This has absolutely broken my heart as we have been married for 40 years and now when we should be enjoying our life together I am watching him fade away week by week.
    I only hope your Dad is able to care for your Mom himself but he will definitely need help. This disease is the worst possible affliction and I often feel cancer would be easier to deal with, at least it is a tangible disease. I have found that you need a "friend" to talk to who knows what the family is going through to help you get through the "bad" times. This website has been extremely helpful to me, and when I can take no more I simply log in and I know I am not alone.
    My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
    Louise
     
  3. myheadisinaspin

    myheadisinaspin Registered User

    Nov 6, 2008
    309
    marlow bucks uk
    my mum too is young and i often go to the same emotional extremes you do -its only natural to want to rant about it all.
    and where else but here. one of the hardest things i found with mum was the tears, she was always hard as nails and showed no emotion to us as children, love was never mentioned in our house, now she gets upset easy, always wants a cuddle, i'm finding a new person emerging a more sensitive side to mum which i thought i'd never see, a venurable side but in a nice way its nice to see too.
    i also have fears of my own, am i going to get it, what does the future hold for me, i'm already a carer to my hubby who has physicl difficulties. i sometimes question why, and others will say why not!!!
     
  4. Jase

    Jase Registered User

    Sep 25, 2008
    63
    West Yorkshire
    Thanks Louise and Bonnie, sometimes you just need to know that someone understands some of how you feel.

    Well it's another night where I'm sat awake in the early hours with everything whizzing round my head. I try so hard to take each day as it comes but it's like my mind pushes me to look into the future and scare myself! Think I'm probably just over tired??

    I have smiled tonight though- after feeling terrible guilt as a mum of course! My little one is 3 in April and tonight is his second night in a proper 'big boys' bed. Before I came downstairs I looked in on him. Scanned the bed and the quilt I have put on the floor in case he rolls out. Eventually spotted him laid in the middle of his bedroom floor on his tummy with his bum stuck in the air!!!!! Bless him! Scooped him up and put him back into bed, think I'll be shopping for a bed guard this morning!
    He's what keeps me going.
    I felt terrible that he was asleep on the floor but I'm smiling to myself now thinking about it. Love him!!!

    Managed to take mum shopping with me today and she managed really well, it's only the second time in about 6 months. She spent a lot of time just walking alongside me but did find sweet things to fill her trolley with!! Mum never bothered with sweet things until the last 12 months and now it's anything she can get her hands on, chocolate ice creams, treacle puddings, chocolate eclairs..............
    I think I'm just jealous because I've only to think about it and I've gained half a stone!

    Hope everyone is doing ok and are settled asleep.
    Let's hope tomorrow is a good day xxx
     
  5. roundy

    roundy Registered User

    Jan 1, 2009
    318
    southport
    Hi Jase
    Reading through your post,it could be mine! Only my boys are 6and8. You are so right, they do keep you going,when everything looks black and one of them gives me a big hug as they come out of school or when funding for mums home was refused the other day both of them came down and with piggybanks in hand saying they had decided Fifa08 ps game can wait we want to "fund" grandmas home! Made me cry even more but with a big smile. They can be hard work but they are what get me up in the morning right now! Them and a very suportive husband..In hard times and there have been quite a few of them in the past year,I always thankgod for my lovely little family..
    So sorry about your mum..and you are right,again,it is horrible to see someone you love deteriate so fast,its an awful illness but we just keep going for them!!
    You take care,hope your little boy stays in bed tonight!
    Love Lisa.xx;)
     
  6. makalu

    makalu Registered User

    Nov 2, 2008
    72
    West Sussex
    Hi everybody,
    Jase your doing a wonderful job being looking after your mum you care so much about, and your kids, every cloud has a silver lining and these are your lovely children, mine is a blessing.
    Dad was 60 on 22 June, Isabella was born on 26 June, since then my dad has one from a busy, healthy, strong man at home, to a shadow of his former self, now zonked out in an assessment unit, having lost 3 and a half stone diagnosed with PIcks Disease. If it wasnt for my beautiful baby girl i dont know what me and mum would have done. Its almost like he was waiting for us to have this little treasure before he let this disease take hold properly, he had to wait 36 years mind you but we still have the odd smile and the odd cheeky comment from him which makes my day. The baby is the only thing that puts a smile on his face these days and I thank god for that.

    You'll find the strength to carry on through your wonderful children, I know I do.

    Nicky
     
  7. maddie5177

    maddie5177 Registered User

    Sep 18, 2008
    64
    scotland
    hi kirsty,

    i haven't been on in ages, everything was getting to much for me, it's great to come on here and get support but sometimes you want to escape from it all and pretend it's not really happening, not that that lasts very long, i read your first post and i feel exactly the same at the moment, my heart breaks when i think about my mum, what she is going through then breaks again when i think about my dad losing the wonderful wife he once had, then i look at my two beautiful kids and that again breaks my heart because i can never be really happy and what makes it worse is i can't say...oh it's just a bad time we're going through it will pass...i can't look forward to anything because if i do think about...holidays or anything like that, it means a few months down the line, and what will i be facing then, sorry for going on, but you are not alone evry day you face difficulties take some comfort in the fact that i am too and if i can get through it, so can you xx sad i know but that kind of keeps me going, take care and be strong

    love n hugs maddie xxxxxxx
     

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