So I'm having a "how much longer must I do this?" moment. Mum has been on another planet all day, slept most of the day, and that makes it really hard to change incontinence pads, feed, make sure she gets enough to drink, etc. It's days like these where you think, what is the actual point, my own life is being wrecked by someone who doesn't care that their own life is already wrecked. It's the not making any effort at all that really gets to me. She halfheartedly offers me her left arm up to be lifted upright in the morning, but with eyes closed, and won't bend her legs for me to get my arm underneath and swing her upright, as if to say, I really can't be bothered, and yet I'm supposed to be bothered. I wouldn't mind if she met me halfway, but she doesn't. I tell her to lean forward a million times in the morning while 'm trying to hold her upright and get her dressed at the same time. Her left arm is always in the way, it's like it's not connected to any consciousness anymore. It's in the way when I get her dressed, when I put her on the standy-uppy gadget, when I take the belt off her when she's sitting down again - it's just always in the way - it grabs hold of straps I want to undo, belts I want to unhook, it's just always bloody there with a mind of it's own.
Please don't tell me I've got years of this still to go. I wake up in the morning thinking same **** different day. I can manage without carers, they'll just bring their own set of problems, like the dogs - it's bad enough waiting for the nurse to arrive, and making sure the dogs are out of the way.
Of course, telling her to lean forward a million times has it's downsides as well, because, when she leans forward to nosedive onto her table - "but you're always telling me to lean forward".
Aargh
Thanks for letting me have my little rantathon.
Please don't tell me I've got years of this still to go. I wake up in the morning thinking same **** different day. I can manage without carers, they'll just bring their own set of problems, like the dogs - it's bad enough waiting for the nurse to arrive, and making sure the dogs are out of the way.
Of course, telling her to lean forward a million times has it's downsides as well, because, when she leans forward to nosedive onto her table - "but you're always telling me to lean forward".
Aargh
Thanks for letting me have my little rantathon.