Bad day but will tomorrow be worse?

Discussion in 'ARCHIVE FORUM: Support discussions' started by Kriss, Jul 15, 2005.

  1. Kriss

    Kriss Registered User

    May 20, 2004
    513
    Shropshire
    Today I had to take my Aunts little dog to the vet for her final trip. I had built myself up for the inevitable 6 months ago but she was given "extra time", sadly this weeks hot weather seemed to accelerate her decline and we had no option but to make the awful decision.

    This afternoon I completed the paperwork to appoint the agents to put Aunts house on the market.

    Tomorrow I will visit with strawberries, choccie biccies and cakes but how will I be able to look her in the eye? Matron advises against telling her about the dog as she seems to understand what we say and it will only upset her and I agree but am not sure I can handle it. Many months ago I decided that it would be wrong to mention the house but it's yet another betrayal or so it seems.

    Please - no bad dreams tonight - I need every bit of mental strength I can find tomorrow.

    Kriss
     
  2. Brucie

    Brucie Registered User

    Jan 31, 2004
    12,413
    near London
    Kriss, there are situations where, if you ignore problems, they really may go away.

    I suggest you don't bring up either subject, thus saving you stress, and your Aunt distress. What she doesn't know about won't hurt her.

    And there is no betrayal, just a 'doing the best for them' kind of thing. Nothing wrong with that. Don't forget we are all living in an alternative reality now. Normal rules don't apply.
     
  3. Jude

    Jude Registered User

    Dear Kriss,

    Matron is right. Don't say a word about the little dog or the house. I feel it would be far kinder to omit the subjects altogether, rather than make Auntie feel totally bereft.


    Jude xx
     
  4. Sheila

    Sheila Registered User

    Oct 23, 2003
    2,259
    West Sussex
    Hi Kriss, yes I agree with the others. Why upset her when you can avoid it? Don't tell her. Love She. XX
     
  5. Kriss

    Kriss Registered User

    May 20, 2004
    513
    Shropshire
    Thank you guys

    I'm just about to put on my smiley face and am trying to find the auto-mode buttons.

    See you later!

    Kriss
     
  6. Kriss

    Kriss Registered User

    May 20, 2004
    513
    Shropshire
    It was even worse than I'd imagined today but for none of the reasons I had prepared for. Aunt seemed fairly well when I arrived, big smiles when she woke to see me and she happily marched me around the garden. She chatted away (totally incomprehensible as usual) though I did note that she seemed rather hyper and was talking much faster than usual. Then as I was leaving the matron called me over to chat.

    I was totally unprepared to hear what followed. It seems they have been struggling to keep her settled and have tried increasing/decreasing and even removing the dosage of the drugs she is on hoping to find a solution. She has been "charging" around the home, barging into other residents and staff. She has been aggressive and has frightened some of the residents. In addition she has been carrying faeces to show to the staff and smearing them on walls. In short they feel that she is going to need to move to an emi unit. It is my worst nightmare but one I had dismissed last year when we found this home and it seemed they would be able to cope with anything.

    Matron was very kind and apologetic and insists they will continue to try to get her settled but felt we ought to be warned of the possibility and will arrange a meeting with the CPN and specialist if possible.

    Seems like we just took another big step down the slippery slope.

    Kriss
     
  7. Sheila

    Sheila Registered User

    Oct 23, 2003
    2,259
    West Sussex
    Dear Kriss, sad as it is, if your Aunt is doing these things, there is really not much else you can do. The home she is in will not be equipped to deal with the things AD sufferers do, nor will they have the training or security needed. I know it hurts, but in all honesty, I have to say, you need to look for a good EMI now, sorry, thinking of you, love and hugs, She. XX
     
  8. Jude

    Jude Registered User

    Dear Kriss,

    What an awful day for you. Having all the build up about the dog and house and then to be slugged with something even worse... This dreadful disease hits all of us so terribly hard at the least expected moments, doesn't it?

    It certainly looks like an EMI NH is the next step. Auntie may settle down for a while, but sadly it may only be in the short term. It's such a shame that she will be subjected to yet another move.

    Thinking of you.

    Jude xx
     
  9. Brucie

    Brucie Registered User

    Jan 31, 2004
    12,413
    near London
    Hi Kriss

    sorry to hear your experience.

    Just a quick note to say that because my Jan is in an EMI unit, I know that there are really good ones about. When I first looked around to see what was available, I came across many non-EMI homes that were a deal worse than any EMI one I have seen.

    It is a hard thing to have to accept though.

    Always you need to keep in mind what is safest for the person concerned. All other things may be important, but safety ranks first.

    Good luck
     
  10. Kriss

    Kriss Registered User

    May 20, 2004
    513
    Shropshire
    Thank you all

    I'm back on auto-pilot again today. My husband is very supportive and sensible and always manages to say the things to get me back on track. Even my Mum has accepted this is a logical step so now we will start to look at suitable homes. Maybe the time has now come to move her closer to us as it has been a real struggle to make the 100 mile round trip each week (there were never enough hours in the week before but somehow we squeezed a few more in!) It may mean she will not see as many of her friends but they would only visit infrequently and maybe she needs more regular visits to fill the time which perhaps we can make if she is nearer. I guess we have a few things we need to discuss and we will see what the CPN has to say when we have a meeting.

    day by day Norman!

    Kriss
     
  11. Jude

    Jude Registered User

    Dear Kriss,

    I think you've made a wise decision Kriss. At least if Mum is closer, then you can take her to visit friends later on and it won't seem so much of a chore that way.

    Good luck!

    Jude
     

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