Bad day & badder days.......

[May]

After a week (and more ) of constant delusions (usually about Dad not being Dad) at all hours we finally had to ask for emergency hospital admission for Mum on Friday. We had hoped that the Haliperidol prescibed the week previous would kick in, but no such luck. I know she will be safe, the nurses were extremely kind on Friday evening, and that we now have chance of getting her on some sort of drug regime that might help as she will be assessed and monitored, but that old guilt monster still sits on my shoulder. Dad is devastated, what can you say, they've rarely been apart, he wants her home. I was told last night that the assessment could take anywhere between three and twelve weeks. The visit yesterday was dreadful, Mum completely tired out, not in her own clothes, confused etc,etc. Visit today was better, now in her own clothes, slept last night and best bit, gave Dad a beaming smile and a hug when we arrived. She's still talking 'scrambled' but seems to have accepted (couldn't say if she actually knows where she is) being there. I still feel blue/black though, maybe it's because the pressure has changed direction. I feel battered and tired and tearful, and I know I have to pick myself up and carry on but I don't feel I have the strength right now.

 

[mel]

Hello May
I wish someone would shoot that bloomin guilt monster...
Hope you're feeling a bit brighter today....can't offer too much except to say there are going to be good days again....If anything good comes out of this I am learning to appreciate the simple things like a hug from my family...the sun shining...the birds singing.....all that I've taken for granted....and most of all I love my life
love
Wendy
xxx

 

[Dave W]

Rest if you can ...

May

having gone through this stage last autumn, this has been one of the most stressful stages so far, so I can understand how you're feeling. Quite apart from anything else, you're in a state of shock. If my experience can be of any help to anyone here, I'd say that you should reassure yourself that Mum is now in qualified, experienced safe hands and that you don't have to address a crisis every moment of the day at the moment. Take the opportunity to get as much rest as you can - it really will help you to do this as much as you can.

Once assessment is underway you will need to rise to new challenges as to what the next step will be, and you will need your strength. But for now, the weight of carrying your Mum's life on your shoulders is temporarily reduced. She's where she currently is because that's what is necessary, now matter how sad a state of affiars that might be: continuing as things were was no longer an option for anyone, so you've done the right thing.

Assessment will also give the hospital an opportunity to review medication and try alternatives that may help to calm Mum's delusions, which will possibly also make the visits less difficult for you and Dad. The journey we're both on is one where each stage means learning to accept a new reality, and it's not easy, but we'd be less human if it were. If you're hurting, it's because you're a good person!

As Wendy has said, take a moment (cliche alert, I know) to 'smell the roses'. There are still good things in life, even if feels to have been over-run by the bad and the incomprehensible. Give yourself a moment to heal if you can.

 

[dmc]

hi may,

we had to have mum admitted as an emergency in december though she wasnt diagnosed till february, reading your thread if felt that i had written it myself about our situation then, as the others have suggested take this time mum is in to recharge your batteries a bit, mum is in the best place for her at the moment even though it dosent feel that way to you, they may have to juggle the doses a bit at first and things could get worse before you see any improvment, so be prepared for that, my mum has been in a second time since to have her meds juggled! and she is better now in many ways than ive seen her for a long time, although she has started having delusions about my dad being an imposter/stranger this week which were hoping is a infection of some sort, which can be sorted.
my mum is also taking haloperidol which they decided to decrease after her last assessment,
she's also on epilim which is supposed to alter moods as well as a cocktail of other things,
hope things will improve for you its funny how you get yourself into a different routine and adapt to it ,
but please above all else try and rest, my dad wouldnt the first time, by the second time she went in he was only to glad of the break

take care may
x

 

[May]

Thank you all...

Thanks all for your common sense and caring replies. I've regained my sense of humour (an essential ) and had a decent night's sleep, still worried about Dad but he's starting to cope bless him, I think we were both in shock at the drastic change this forced on us...

Donna
Thanks for the info around your Mum's admission that really helped get things in perspective

Wendy
I reckon shooting's too good for the guilt monster

Dave
Thanks for your insight into how you felt, again, it helped. Oh.. and I promise to 'smell the roses' I've missed being in my garden dreadfully with all the support I've been giving Mum & Dad.

PS. I typed this reply originally at 1am Tuesday and lost it on submit! Took that as a sign I should be in bed, so gave up!

 

[Charli]

I feel battered and tired and tearful, and I know I have to pick myself up and carry on but I don't feel I have the strength right now.

thats exactly how im feeling too... i know its not my mum, its my grandma but we were very very close and its very hard to know you have to be strong, when all u feel like doing is crawling into a ball and crying... or is that just me? Anyway pm me if you want to talk... x

 

[rummy]

May,
I'm glad your feeling better. You got some wonderful advice on this thread and I can only say, I am going to use it when this happens to me! One thing about this illness is when you just get used to one thing, something different happens and you have to readjust all over again.!
Take care and I hope things settle for you soon.
Debbie

 

[Lynne]

Hi Charli

you have to be strong, when all u feel like doing is crawling into a ball and crying... or is that just me? x

Believe me, it's certainly NOT just you.
If we all crawled into the same dark cupboard at the same time, it would have to be a bloody big one!

 

[trendy]

Hi Iam So Up Set As Just Been Told Last Week That My Mam Has To Go Into A Emi Nurseing Home Its Come On So Quick As We Only Got Told Last Sept That Mam Had A.d But When We Got Told We Thought It Last For A Few Years Be For It Gets Worse But Thats Not The Case For My Mam Iam Gutted About It Wish I Could Wave A Wound And Make It All Go Away Cant Stand The Thought Ov Her In A Home Thanks X

 

[Amy]

Hiya Trendy,
I am so sorry that you are feeling so sad. It is so difficult when mum has to go into a home, and it is all happening so quickly for you. You must remember though that mum obviously needs 24 hour care now to keep her safe, and you want her to be safe. This is going to be a very difficult time for you, but you have friends here now who will understand more than most what you are feeling, and who will do their best to support you, as you support your mother.
Best wishes, Amy

 

[trendy]

Hiya Trendy,
I am so sorry that you are feeling so sad. It is so difficult when mum has to go into a home, and it is all happening so quickly for you. You must remember though that mum obviously needs 24 hour care now to keep her safe, and you want her to be safe. This is going to be a very difficult time for you, but you have friends here now who will understand more than most what you are feeling, and who will do their best to support you, as you support your mother.
Best wishes, Amy

thanks so much but like you say it is for her own safty as she lives aloan as dad passed away 2 years ago and would not come and live with any of har family she allwas been a very strong woman till she lost dad we find out the morro when she has to go as the doctors say sheis un safe on her own thanks for understandin how i fell thanks again x

 

[daizee]

Bad days and badder days.......

Hey, Trendy,You poor thing I feel so bad for you, My husband is 53 and has advanced AD .We have 5 kids , three boys aged 35,33,26, and two girls aged 24and 22 and everyone of them is finding it difficult to accept what is happening to their Dad, and the effect it is having on me and my life.I find it hard to know what to say to them but simply this. Everyone of us has a time to live and a time to see out the last part of our life and for some sad reason your Mum like my dear husband been given AD.That guilt monster that everyone is refering to is just another one of it's tenticles reaching out for another victim, and girl don't let it get you. Trying to find strength each day to accept that every thing has changed and is going to change is so hard . If you walk down the street ,behind every face you see is a story of a struggle that's been or is to come, some will have it easier ,some harder, so you're not alone. I used to think of the people during war times when so many were lost and the hardships they had to endure and like them you'll come out bruised and battered but have that inner strength of a surviver.Try not to give in to the sadness of it all, love your Mum and feel for your Dad but live the life you've been given , that's your job.............Cheers Daizee

 

[Tender Face]

If you walk down the street, behind every face you see is a story of a struggle that's been or is to come, some will have it easier ,some harder, so you're not alone.

Daizee, what a wonderful philosophy! Thank you!

 

[daizee]

Bad days and badder days.......

Hi again Tender face, Just a note about Haloperidol,My husband went through a shocking stage of aggressive anxiety attacks that became daily events, the last coming to a climax when he took a deep breath and screamed at the top of his voice untill he passed out. It was so horrific that I asked for him to be addmitted to hospital to try to get some medication to help . I was able to sleep there with him which was good as he was used to me taking care of his daily needs. Anyway, when he was first addmitted he had to have 2 injections and 3 tablets of Haloperidol, as the Doctor said it takes a while for it to build up in the system. He was still having the injections for a couple of days but at the end of the week was on 3, 10mg tablets a day ' this was able to be reduced to 3, 5 mgs per day then 2, 5mgs a day. Mind you the hospital said they don't usually need such a strong dose but my husband was young ,strong and physically very fit and healthy, also very resistant to medication. My point is this medication is the only thing that worked for us but it does take time to get the right effect at the right dose and in my husbands case it did slow him down, which was a bit sad, but it was explained to me that it's a choice between losing some of his alertness or him continuing living the nightmare of his anxiety attacks......................hope this helps ...........Take care daizee