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Back into a Nursing Home

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by Sharonk43, Jul 25, 2015.

  1. Sharonk43

    Sharonk43 Registered User

    May 24, 2015
    Hi there,
    I have posted in the past about my dad who was diagnosed with dementia 4yrs ago. He was in a CH for 6mths before being able to come home after improving with his medication. Dads mobility has always been a problem since and more so than his dementia, he would be a little confused sometimes and forget things but usually more with it than me. he had bad mobility with walking and always showed signs of Parkinsons as in shuffling when walking, legs freezing and his general expression. He was diagnosed with Alzheimers by carrying out one of those silly paper tests, he was meant to have a cat scan to get a true diagnosis but we were told it was an 8wk wait and it never happened. He was put on medication for Alzheimers!!!
    My brother and my mum have cared for dad at home for 3yrs which sometimes has been really hard. Trying to care for a 6ft 4 man with dementia and mobility issues is not easy. Up until about a year ago dad was manageable. He became incontinent and started to get regular UTI's which really do make a dementia sufferer alot worse with confusion and as with dad bed ridden. Everytime we called the dr they put him on tablet anti biotic which cleared it but never totally which is why it kept coming back. The last time we called dr he said that they no longer admit patients to hospital for UV anti biotics which is what dad needed and again just gave tablets.
    Just over a month ago dad again had a UTI and this time it affected him so bad. We called the dr out but after waiting 4 hrs we called an ambulance. As soon as he was admitted they put him straight onto UV anti biotics!!! Unfortunately the hospital is well known for its lack of care for the elderly and because dad was not mobile they didn't bother trying to hoist him to go to the toilet or even for a shower, he was transferred to another ward where he was basically bed ridden for 4wks. The only positive about him being in hospital is that i was able to demand the cat scan he should have had years ago and also a Dat scan which we have been waiting for to diagnose parkinsons or not but they kept cancelling the appointments. Its to late for my dad now as now medication will improve his mobility or his dementia but still to have a true diagnosis would make it easier.
    While dad was in hospital it gave me time to source a good nursing home, one that will really care for him and treat him with respect and dignity, unlike his first one and the hospital.
    My dad was discharged last wednesday and after a very long, tiring day we got him there in the evening. He was so tired he didn't realise where he was or what was happening and we were able to just leave them to get dad settled in bed. I have been calling to makesure he is ok and the response has been ok, that he is fine,chatty and actually sitting down in the lounge with other residents which is something my dad would never normally do. before he stayed in his room all day everyday, ate in his room. I do worry as although he is in the lounge with the no do far gone residents there is still no conversation for him apart from the staff.
    I went to visit him yesterday with my brother and he cried when he saw us, he asked when he could go home and accused the staff of all sorts. I know this was just his way of trying to get us to get him out. He did seem like he was shutting down on us a few times. I just had to keep telling him he was there to try and get his legs working again but i am not sure how much he believes. he sobbed so much when we left and it ripped my heart out as seeing my dad cry like a child is really not nice. We did look back to see how long he does actually cry for and although it didn't seem long we could see him looking around and just looked so desperate and lost. I would like to think that he would quickly forget we had been in until the next visitor comes. I hate to thought of dad thinking we have just abandoned hm and left him with a load of old people in a place he doesn't know.
    I know i had no other choice and i have done this for the safety of dad and to get the best 24/7 care for him. Before he went into hospital there had been a few times where my brother lost his patience with dad both physically and verbally and i feel nowhere could be worse than having that happen to you. I probably haven't made my dad happy but he is safe(i hope) and that's what counts. I can't imagine how i would feel if i was having to live the rest of my life in a CH, i just hope that he does easily forget his days, maybe settle in and can forgive me. I will never give up on my dad and my heart will break everytime i have to leave him.
    Sorry to go on but i feel like my world has been torn apart AGAIN and just can't stop crying.
  2. CeliaW

    CeliaW Registered User

    Jan 29, 2009
    Hello Sharon, what a difficult situation for you but, from what you have said, I think you have done the right thing to keep him safe for several reasons. The staff are telling you that he is spending time out of his room so that is a positive. I think most people find that it does take some weeks for a person to settle when they move into a care home. Have the staff advised on how often to visit or how he is after you have left? Often someone is dreadfully distressed but then something will distract them and they will be OK whilst you are still upset and anxious as to how they are.

    I hope it improves, big hug for you, I am sure others will be along to give advice and support as we all have different experiences of this. Take care x

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