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Back in hospital

nae sporran

Volunteer Host
Oct 29, 2014
9,148
0
Bristol
Please don't give up your PoA. If you do I can see C's family trying to cut you out cmpletely. There are lots of ways they can take the pressure off you but this wouldn't help and would leave you completely out of the loop. It would mean they could do whatever they want and you'd have no say.

Don't do it.
That is my biggest fear. I hope we can find a solution.
 

jugglingmum

Registered User
Jan 5, 2014
6,337
0
Chester
That is my biggest fear. I hope we can find a solution.
The only solution is for C's children to grow up and accept that you are perfectly capable of looking after C, and stop interfering which doesn't sound like it is going to happen any day soon.

If you think her son can provide useful support suggest ways in which he can do this but please don't cooperate with anything to do with this. Whilst C is in hospital it can't be actioned in any shape or form and just ignore it.
 

nae sporran

Volunteer Host
Oct 29, 2014
9,148
0
Bristol
I have struggled a fair bit recently, and was pretty impatient with C when her daughter was here a couple of weeks ago. To just push me out rather than work with me is a little insulting and not quite what C or I need at the moment.
 
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Canadian Joanne

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 8, 2005
17,553
0
68
Toronto, Canada
I think you should think long and hard before you give up the PoA. There are many other ways in which her son can be of help, but you need to give him concrete examples i.e. phone calls. With all the pain C has been in, there may also be a question of fluctuating capacity, so she may not be able to give consent. That would open up another can of worms for everyone if you give it up first.

Personally, if I were you, I would not do so. However, I don’t know everything that is involved.
 

nae sporran

Volunteer Host
Oct 29, 2014
9,148
0
Bristol
Thanks @Canadian Joanne. I really need to talk to the Office of the Public Guardian then talk to Cs son again.
Sorry, I just needed to express my frustration in a friendly and knowledgeable forum, but it is job for professionals.
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
18,864
0
South coast
Please dont give up the POA - it would make your position untenable.
Cs children will not be able to look after her as well as you can, but without POA your hands will be tied.
 

nae sporran

Volunteer Host
Oct 29, 2014
9,148
0
Bristol
If C had wanted her son to have the POA, she would have included him when she sorted it out.
There was a plan originally to involve all 3 of us, but C's daughter torpedoed that and C decided I was best man to do it alone. She trusted me 4 years ago and I hope she still does. Thanks, Cat27
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
12,670
0
Southampton
could you just say that if a really important decision needs to be made, you would ask for their opinion before making that decision. ive said that to his sister and niece so they know that i wont shut them out as they live a long way away
 

nae sporran

Volunteer Host
Oct 29, 2014
9,148
0
Bristol
could you just say that if a really important decision needs to be made, you would ask for their opinion before making that decision. ive said that to his sister and niece so they know that i wont shut them out as they live a long way away
I have told them both that at the time POA was granted and again today. I hope you are having more luck with your family, Jennifer.
 

Izzy

Volunteer Moderator
Aug 31, 2003
67,202
0
71
Dundee
I’m so sorry you’re now facing this @nae sporran.
Glad you’re getting advice from dementia Connect and I can only agree with the advice you’ve received so far here.
 

JHA

Registered User
Aug 7, 2021
636
0
I have been following your threads for a little while and like others have said do not give up the POA. As you said C trusted you years ago to be on the POA and you were and still are the best person for the job.
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
12,670
0
Southampton
I have told them both that at the time POA was granted and again today. I hope you are having more luck with your family, Jennifer.
his family are from devon. his sister is 78 but i felt i needed to include them as it is her brother and i didnt want her to feel excluded just because of the distance. im the only poa, none of the kids as its me that lives with him and cares for him and im the one who has had the talk of his choices with him. they respect me as his carer and as their mum.
 

nae sporran

Volunteer Host
Oct 29, 2014
9,148
0
Bristol
Thanks @JHA.
Glad to hear your family and your husband's family are supportive @jennifer1967.

I spoke to OPG and the man said the same as dementia connect. I would have to walk away or C would have to revoke. Cs son would have to start the process from scratch and get his mum's GP or social worker to certify capacity. The whole process can then take up to 20 weeks due to our friend COVID.
Im meeting C's son later after he's been to visit her and will tell him what OPG, Dementia connect and all of you have said.
Thanks again for your support. Hopefully I can get back to visiting tomorrow and C will be home soon. There's a rock n roll / 60s music concert in our sheltered housing scheme on Tuesday. I doubt she wil make it, but it would be so great if she can.