Hi there,
I posted for the first time on Talking Point when my mum was firstly diagnosed with Alzheimer’s, I don’t think I had any particular pressing issues at that time; however that situation has changed.
Her condition has deteriorated, not only is she becoming more and more confused but she is often verbally aggressive – particularly towards me. She also has problems with money, she has withdrawn a lot of money from her account in the past few months and a lot of it cannot be accounted for – it is suspected that she may be hiding it in the house but there is no evidence of that yet.
She is currently in a specialised day care unit four days per week,she has a Care Worker go to see her for an hour, one day a week and I spend some time with her one day per week. Looks like a busy week, but outwith these times I just worry about her. She lives at home on her own, her husband is in a care home as he has problems of his own and she was unable to care for him. She is adamant that she will not be going there too; that is one thing she is pretty clear about.
I feel so guilty because I wish it would all go away. I have not had a good relationship with my mum and I find it hard to cope now, maybe because that mother-daughter bond does not exist, however I would consider myself a caring person and would certainly not turn my back on her, but I find the situation difficult to cope with. Every Saturday we do the same thing, which includes going to see her husband, and I am exhausted after it, feel as if I am trading on glass some of the time and look forward to a large glass of wine when I get home.
I do get some support from my sister-in-law, who has actually had a much better relationship with my mum. My brother, who is her ex-husband, lives miles away, he does not however keep in touch with his mum, not even phoning, which makes me really angry. I also get support from my partner; he usually has the wine waiting for me when I get home!
I made a career change earlier this year, which means that not only that I am still going through a learning curve but it is a job where I have a high level of responsibility, so I cannot give any more of my time. I currently work 08:00 – 17:30, which excludes travel time so to do something after this is impossible (my mum lives about an hours travelling time away).
Mum’s Care Manager told me that she would become more compliant as time went on, but there is nothing happening that would make me think that would be possible just right now. I don’t think she is particularly safe at home or functioning outwith day care, time spent with Care Worker or myself
I don’t want to walk away from my responsibilities, I just feel guilty about wishing the problem would disappear.
I would appreciate views of other post users who may have experienced what I am going through just now. I am not posting to make myself feel better, I am really just looking for some support – I could really do with it just right now!
Regards,
Tig
I posted for the first time on Talking Point when my mum was firstly diagnosed with Alzheimer’s, I don’t think I had any particular pressing issues at that time; however that situation has changed.
Her condition has deteriorated, not only is she becoming more and more confused but she is often verbally aggressive – particularly towards me. She also has problems with money, she has withdrawn a lot of money from her account in the past few months and a lot of it cannot be accounted for – it is suspected that she may be hiding it in the house but there is no evidence of that yet.
She is currently in a specialised day care unit four days per week,she has a Care Worker go to see her for an hour, one day a week and I spend some time with her one day per week. Looks like a busy week, but outwith these times I just worry about her. She lives at home on her own, her husband is in a care home as he has problems of his own and she was unable to care for him. She is adamant that she will not be going there too; that is one thing she is pretty clear about.
I feel so guilty because I wish it would all go away. I have not had a good relationship with my mum and I find it hard to cope now, maybe because that mother-daughter bond does not exist, however I would consider myself a caring person and would certainly not turn my back on her, but I find the situation difficult to cope with. Every Saturday we do the same thing, which includes going to see her husband, and I am exhausted after it, feel as if I am trading on glass some of the time and look forward to a large glass of wine when I get home.
I do get some support from my sister-in-law, who has actually had a much better relationship with my mum. My brother, who is her ex-husband, lives miles away, he does not however keep in touch with his mum, not even phoning, which makes me really angry. I also get support from my partner; he usually has the wine waiting for me when I get home!
I made a career change earlier this year, which means that not only that I am still going through a learning curve but it is a job where I have a high level of responsibility, so I cannot give any more of my time. I currently work 08:00 – 17:30, which excludes travel time so to do something after this is impossible (my mum lives about an hours travelling time away).
Mum’s Care Manager told me that she would become more compliant as time went on, but there is nothing happening that would make me think that would be possible just right now. I don’t think she is particularly safe at home or functioning outwith day care, time spent with Care Worker or myself
I don’t want to walk away from my responsibilities, I just feel guilty about wishing the problem would disappear.
I would appreciate views of other post users who may have experienced what I am going through just now. I am not posting to make myself feel better, I am really just looking for some support – I could really do with it just right now!
Regards,
Tig