Aunt was so brave!

[Kriss]

On Monday we were told a place was available at an EMI home where Aunt was put on a waiting list only a few weeks previous. On Tuesday afternoon she was assessed and today we moved her. Having been told to expect a 12 month wait this all happened rather quickly for us but for Aunt how on earth must she have felt?

We didn't have time to fret too much (the sleeping pattern is well dented anyway) and hadn't even tried to tell her about it as had it taken 12 months then what would have been the point. The staff at her residential home felt she understood but not having the capacity to make herself understood we can only guess what she might have been saying as we drove away to the new place.

She seemed almost excited as waited at the door of her new home but I think was beginning to question why/when/who once we had unpacked and I sat her into a chair in the sitting room.

I'm just sat here now wondering how she is feeling, whether all the messages passed to the new care staff will have got through like she likes lots of pillows on her bed. I know I forgot to pass on the one about her liking a chocolate biscuit before bed. The staff seem lovely but will need time to get to know her and learn what she likes/dislikes meanwhile without the ability to communicate verbally how must she be feeling?

No doubt the fruit basket and Thorntons chocs will help but I feel pretty useless sat here.

goodnight all!
Kriss

 

[daughter]

Although it's bound to take some time for your Aunt to acclimatise to her new home, look on the bright side, at least you haven't had much time to worry about the move!

Sleep tight!,

 

[Sheila]

Hi Kriss, I am sure the new home will be fine, just give it a few days to all fit into place. What you are feeling is perfectly natural, if you love someone then of course you will be worried about them and how they will cope with these changes. But it's good for your aunt that you do care, because even when she can't speak for herself due to this perishing illness, she has someone there for her who puts her needs first in it all. Please let us know how it all goes, love She. XX

 

[Brucie]

A similar thing happened for Jan - I was told it might take many months, then suddenly there was space.

Yes, there is an upside - you don't get time to think about it.

In the end it worked out as well as one could hope.

 

[Kriss]

Been to visit today but found Aunt very tearful which is unusual. I squeezed her hand and gave her hugs but it seemed so inadequate. I couldn't understand what she was saying to me.

All of the fruit I took in with her 3 days ago had gone but it seems it had to be removed as other residents wander around and one of them had taken some but the problem is that many are diabetic and therefore it could cause serious problems. Such a little thing but another negative.

The photographs we had put on her window ledge were tucked away in a drawer, again probably because others may move items that aren't fixed or perhaps Aunty has been carrying them around.

As I walked along the corridor another lady grasped my arm insisting that I listened to her, trying to tell me no doubt that she had to go home. I put my arm on her shoulder to attempt to comfort her which she seemed happy to accept but after thought that perhaps I should not have done it as maybe I was potentially putting myself in an awkward position.

The home is really nice, the staff and set up seem good and I know it will take time for Aunt to settle but my heart bleeds for all the poor souls so lost, so sad.

Sorry - I'm on a bit of a downer tonight - I needed to poor it out though not sure it has helped much this time.

Kriss

 

[daughter]

Hi Kriss,

It's not just your Aunt who needs time to acclimatise to her new home. Going from visiting a residential to an EMI Home is a fairly different experience and you will need quite some time to adjust too. I didn't think I'd ever get used to seeing, as you say, "all the poor souls so lost" in the Home where my Dad now lives. Somehow though, (after nearly a year!), I've mostly become used to the situation.

All the best,

 

[Sheila]

Dear Kriss, daughter is right, it takes time for you all to adjust to this change. At present everything feels alien and you are unsure of the staff etc. Gradually, as in the previous home, you will get to have confidence in the way things are done there and the reasons for it. Take heart in the fact that although your Aunt may have been tearful when you visited, this can quickly pass and she will no doubt have happy times too, my Mum did. If she can't have fruit left, how about taking her in little treats like strawberries and cream or a fruit salad, ready in a bowl with a spoon. Then help her to eat it while you are with her. That way there is no chance of another resident taking it. I did all manner of these sort of things with my Mum. Thinking of you, day by day as Norm says, it will get easier. Love and hugs, She. XX

 

[KarenC]

My mom was very depressed and lonely at first when she moved to the Alzheimer's home -- she was in a whole new environment with people she'd never met before and of course her mind was not working well enough to understand where she was or why. But she adjusted and got much happier there after the first few weeks.

And yeah, people there pick things up and move them around all the time. Pictures on a *high* shelf where they can be seen but not reached tend to stay put.

Karen

 

[Brucie]

Hi Kriss

regarding putting an arm around the shoulders of another resident, or holding their hand - I don't think that would pose a problem. I have done it since Jan has been in her home. They don't all get daily visits and seem to get comfort from someone doing that.

It is often the case that they ask when the bus is coming, or say they want to go home, or ask you to take them home. Generally a gentle lie covers it "the bus will be here bit later", "the weather is awful just now" etc

 

[daughter]

Mum has gotten used to using these sorts of phrases too, with both my Dad and other residents. Her and I were both amazed at a remark made by a nurse at Dad's home yesterday. My son and I were just leaving and another resident was waiting at the door, so we held back for a while. The nurse then came along and said to my Dad "are you going home?".

Do you think this qualifies as the Worst Remark to make to a Person with Dementia living in a Home?

We distracted Dad's attention after a few minutes but not quickly enough to see the expectation in his eyes.

 

[Norman]

Hazel
what a terrible clanger.
It does not surprise me though.
My experiences show that although some staff have nursing skills they have no common sense.
Warm wishes
Norman also

 

[Sheila]

How utterly thoughtless! Surely she should have had a little training? Bet you were seething, and how hurtful for your Dad. I know we can all say the occasional thing that we would have wished not to, but really! Hope he soon got over it, love She. XX

 

[Kriss]

Thank you everyone, I'm sure you are all right and things will improve in the coming weeks. Gotta hang on in there meanwhile.

Hazel - that is a most horrible story, at least we haven't witnessed anything like it and hope we never do.

I am going to spend this week focusing on our next visit on Saturday which is my Aunts Birthday. Last year we arranged a party for about 30 of her friends at a local hotel which was wonderful but this year it will just be for a handful and the home says we can use a nice little dining room that is currently unused. Trying to keep positive.

Kriss