Aunt doesn't want to bathe

Discussion in 'ARCHIVE FORUM: Support discussions' started by widget, Mar 30, 2006.

  1. widget

    widget Registered User

    Jul 18, 2005
    Hi everyone
    My aunt and uncle are staying with me this week. My aunt is much worse than when i saw her only a few weeks ago.

    Well, my uncle told me she hasn't had a bath for the last 3 weeks and he's really worried about this as she's always been immaculately turned out. Yesterday i ran a bath for her (after many refusals and denials that she hadn't had a bath for ages). I stood outside the door and heard her struggling to get in. The moment i went downstairs she got dressed and came out of the bathroom stating that she'd had a bath. This was only two minutes after she'd gone in. Can anyone give me some tips (that i can pass on to my uncle) on how to get her into the bath.

    She's getting a bit unsteady on her feet mainly due to ingrowing toenails which haven't been treated (this is being addressed when they get back home) and i'm wondering if she just 'can't' get in the bath anymore, do you have any suggestions??

    She's also getting quite upset that she doesn't want to go home at the weekend. We have told a white lie and said that we're going away on holiday so she would be here on her own, but how long can we keep this up??

    Any suggestions will be gratefully received and passed on to my uncle who is doing a fantastic job but getting very worn out.
  2. ELL

    ELL Registered User

    Mar 30, 2006
    Bath time


    i remember all the drama's i went through with my mum when i realised she wasn,t bathing all the excuses: too many to list as it was a difficult time as mum and i always ended up arguing but we over-came this period.
    mum was staying with me for a week over christmas one year and i decided she would have a bath for christmas. i ran the bath full of soapy bubbles and just took the bull by the horns as i discovered mum couldn,t get in and also she had a fear of the water. i reassured her and helped her in and once she was in she loved it i stayed with her then i left the bath-room door open and i left her to have some privacy. god did she enjoy that bath i could hear her splashing about and soaping herself. i had to help her out and help dry her, emotional for both of us as she apologised that i had to do this for her and she cried but i will always remember listening to the sounds of her splashing in the water enjoying that bath.
    i then went on to running her a bath when i visited her in her own home setting the scene also her lovely carer who she trusted would bath her maybe not as regular as we would have liked but we worked round it and accepted the situation.
  3. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    My story is similar to your Ell, only that mum keep getting stuck in the bath & it was really hard to get her out, then one day I really could not get her out & did not know what to do , in tears ask my 25 year old son to help me get mum out , after that did not give her a bath anymore I contact the Disability Adaptation unit they came around my flat & did an assessment on mum & 6mouths later pulled the bath out & put a shower for mum we did not have to pay for it.

    In the mean time I had to give mum a wash down in the sink ,Social services did say that they could bring a carer to do it for mum if I did not like doing it , but I did not mind ,as I would give mum the flannel & she would wash her privet parts herself .

    Could your uncle ,not ask for a carer to come in & help him out in washing your anut ?or would she not Accept help from them ?
  4. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    Thanks Nada

    Its so right when it says "Overhead showers Some people find the rush of water from an overhead shower frightening or disorienting. A hand-held shower may work better"

    That what we got .
  5. Michael E

    Michael E Registered User

    Apr 14, 2005
    Ronda Spain
    bath time

    widget hi,

    I have exactly the same problems with my wife - a bit is the physical difficulty of getting in and out of the bath but a lot of it is the shear fag and effort and confusion of 'having a bath' I think.
    The shower in the boat last summer was a success. A couple of times I have got her on the purpose made plastic x bath seat and attacked her with the bath shower with some small success... Because of that I am having the bathroom re-vamped into a large shower - feel Monique will really enjoy or at least be a cleaner smelling person more often.

    (French workmen - like English workmen can make a 'mountain out of a shower-room' but they assure me it will all be finished in a 'little 2 weeks' - that may be french for '3 weeks Governor! so I am not holding my breath!

    From other posts in the past I am pretty sure the 'shower' is the way forward...

    Hope so after all this effort!!!

  6. Sandy

    Sandy Registered User

    Mar 23, 2005
    Hi widget,

    Lot's of good advice already given.

    I seem to remember you saying that your uncle had a good rapport with the CPN. It might be a good idea for him to ask the CPN to arrange for an Occupational Therapist to come to your aunt and uncle's home to take a look at options for making bathing easier.

    We did this for my father-in-law and the council installed grab rails and gave them a bath seat that could be raised and lowered (on long-term loan). My in-laws liked the grab rails, but weren't very happy about the bath seat and didn't really use it much. They will probably have a walk-in shower installed in the long-run.

    Take care,

  7. mandyp

    mandyp Registered User

    Oct 20, 2004
    My Mum is the opposite, terrified of the shower, it makes her feel claustrophobic and she seems to see 'things' in the shower (don't know if it's maybe the water falling on her creating some sort of shadow, or water falling on her makes her disorientated).

    Problem we have is that she insists she had a bath yesterday. Mum was also imaculate and this is quite upsetting.

    Fortunately, Dad can persuade her at the moment and she doesn't have any mobility problems as yet. However, one way I've managed is to get her to come to the swimming baths with me and my daughter and she likes that and because my daughter messes around in the communal shower this seems to take her mind off being in it and washes her hair etc quite the thing. It's not ideal, but we've found it helps.
  8. Nutty Nan

    Nutty Nan Registered User

    Nov 2, 2003
    Just an idea

    QApart from Wet Wipes (Baby Wipes, there are a number of other products available (on-line) which can be very handy for those who are unable to bathe / shower. One example being the 'No-Rinse shampoo'. I have just ordered some and would be happy to pass on the details if anyone is interested.
  9. Norman

    Norman Registered User

    Oct 9, 2003
    Birmingham Hades
    I am sure you will be delighted with the shower.
    Life has got even better for me ,I got 14 personal care hours funded for Peg,so I even get help with the shower bathing.
    Good luck
  10. Daryl

    Daryl Registered User

    Feb 13, 2006
    Up North

    Can I be nosey and ask a question in relation to the 'personal care hours' that you mention.

    How are these applied for ?

    My Dad could do with some help during the week when work and commitments with our own kids stop us (my brother, sister and me) from getting over as much as we'd like.


  11. Michael E

    Michael E Registered User

    Apr 14, 2005
    Ronda Spain
    Norman hi,

    Just waiting for the shower now - mid next week they say......

    sounds like you have got it good - is that 14 hours a week?

  12. Lulu

    Lulu Registered User

    Nov 28, 2004
    I think my Mum was having problems getting in and out of her very old bath, and we have now installed a double shower. Norman gave me the idea of having a double one, so that in the future, should it be necessary, someone can get in there with her.

    She still doesn't take the initiative in showering herself - I have to go and start her off, and then she's OK. Am not sure if she has a good wash, but she is certainly a lot fresher now than she was.
  13. Norman

    Norman Registered User

    Oct 9, 2003
    Birmingham Hades
    it is 14 hours a week, assessment says 1 hour morning,1 hour evening.
    The hours are flexible. however.

    Daryl You are not being nosey,we are here to help each other and to guide others from our personal experience.
    The hours all followed from a community Re assessment.
    I requested a re Assessment because conditions had altered since the original
    Have a look at this fact sheet.

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