Attack of the guilt monster


Registered User
Mar 15, 2006
Morecambe, UK
Well it has almost been a week since we took Jean into the home. The first reports were of fighting, biting, scratching, yelling, demanding to go home etc etc. But now they seem to be that she is settling in ok.

We were supposed to go visit yesterday but kind of chickened out. I am scared that as soon as she sees us she is going to think 'that's it - holiday over, time to go home' and it would break my heart to have to 'abandon' her all over again. But now I feel guilty over not going to see her and wonder if she is aware that we haven't been and basically my head and my heart are tearing me in two!

Damned if I do and damned if I don't!

Blue_Gremlin :(


Registered User
Mar 7, 2004
Hello Blue Gremlin............I am in the "dammed" scenario myself.

Lionel has been in a lovely home now for 10 days. Yes I visit......he is always O.K with me..........but I cannot be there 24/7

I am fortunate that I do not have "guilt" feelings..........I have absolutely done evrything possible for Lionel now I absolve myself. Yes I feel for him, (after all he is my world) but cannot care at home. I have placed him in the best care possible, I shall now do as much as I can to make him happy. Hope I achieve this. My love to you and yours

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
Hi Blue Gremlin, The first visit is always the worst, I remember it with my mother and my heart was in my mouth. She did ask to go home and I said I`d try to sort it out for her. The next time I went, she didn`t mention it.
It was so much easier than I`d expected, and I know everyone`s different, but when the decision is made for residential care, they really are ready.
I think you might find that the guilt is far worse than the reality. I hope so.