At wits end and desperate

Discussion in 'Welcome and how to use Talking Point' started by INEEDHELP.COM, Dec 5, 2018.

  1. INEEDHELP.COM

    INEEDHELP.COM New member

    Dec 5, 2018
    3
    My mother has vascular dementia. She was diagnosed in 2008 and she has been living under my roof and I've been looking after her as her unpaid carer since 2009. My mother is now in the final stages of her condition and she is in a very poor cognitive state and my family and I and various healthcare professionals who I have spoken to are all in the same agreement that my mother should now be placed in a nursing home. I contacted my local council to ask them about getting the ball rolling and various social workers came out to see me and means tests and financial assessments etc were carried out. My mother has no savings, no property or any other lucrative financial means. I also have no power of attorney for my mother. The counsel appear to be dragging their feet somewhat as they have now been involved for 3 months and I feel that they are not playing ball. Everytime I talk to the social worker there's always a stumbling block. Now I know this sounds really horrible but I am seriously thinking about relinquishing my responsibilities towards my mother in order to get the council of their backsides and getting my mother placed in a nursing home. what I need to know is if I do tell the council that I no longer prepared to look after my mother, do they place her in a nursing home immediately? Or what is the procedure? Does anybody know what is the correct thing to do? I really don't know what else I can do as it is really affecting me mentally and physically and I have very little help from the rest of my family as my older brother lives abroad and it is hard for him to relate to my situation. Help me please
     
  2. Shedrech

    Shedrech Volunteer Moderator

    Dec 15, 2012
    6,703
    Yorkshire
    #2 Shedrech, Dec 5, 2018
    Last edited: Dec 5, 2018
    hdllo @INEEDHELP.COM
    a warm welcome to TP
    I am so sorry to hear that you are not receiving the support you need from Social Services after you have been your mum's carer and standing by her for so long

    I wonder whether part of the delay is that you don't hold LPAs for your mum

    maybe, in writing, let your contact at the LA know that you cannot keep providing care for your mum as you are at 'carer breakdown' and need to look to your own health and welfare; remind them that legally the LA have 'the duty of care for vulnerable adults' and so the LA not you is responsible for providing the level of care your mum now needs

    you can ask for an immediate emergency respite place to be found (not sure it will happen) as you are concerned what will happen to your mum, and you, if you are taken ill as she cannot look after herself and woulld be 'at risk' due to self neglect

    do also speak with your and her GP so they know exactly how things are for the 2 of you, and your GP may refer on to Social Services
    (phrases in '...' are key words to get attention and action)

    keep posting here as it helps to share your experience with folk who understand

    PS if it would help to actually talk to someone, call the AS Helpline and have a chat with one of the knowlegeable advisors
    the Hepline is open until 8 today
    https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/get-support/national-dementia-helpline
     
  3. karaokePete

    karaokePete Volunteer Host

    Jul 23, 2017
    3,451
    Male
  4. INEEDHELP.COM

    INEEDHELP.COM New member

    Dec 5, 2018
    3
    Thank you so much for your reply. I will definitely be sorting out what you have said. I feel so lost and helpless at the moment.
     
  5. INEEDHELP.COM

    INEEDHELP.COM New member

    Dec 5, 2018
    3
    Thank you for the links. I will see definitely seek help from them.
     

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